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Bullet Sunday 218

Posted on Sunday, February 6th, 2011

Dave!Blargh. Two days of travel have left me more dead than usual. On to the bullets while I still have a will to live...

• TequilaCon. Unfortunately, there will be no TequilaCon event in 2011. In previous years, we've been extremely fortunate that the stars have aligned and everything has come together to make for an awesome event... but it just isn't happening this year for one reason or another. So rather than forcing together something mediocre, calling it "TequilaCon," and leaving people disappointed, we've decided to take a pass this year. The last thing anybody wants is to go to the time and expense of attending TequilaCon only to have it not live up to the high expectations set by previous years. As for the future... who can say? So long as there is tequila somewhere out there in the world, the possibility for a new TequilaCon will always be there. In the meanwhile... thanks for all your support. May your limes be juicy and your salt be salty until next we meet. Jenny, Brandon, Dave2, Vahid, and Mr. Tequila...

TequilaCon Planning Posse

• Mayo. One of these days I'm bringing an extra suitcase with me so that I can pack it full of creamy delicious Dutch mayonnaise. I would have tried to smuggle a jar back this trip, but US Customs are real tight-asses when it comes to bringing superior food products into the country. The bastards.

Dutch Mayo Jars

Please note that I was NOT the person who opened the jar of mayo on the right, ate a few spoonfuls, then put the jar back on the shelf. Not that I could blame this person, but it wasn't me.

• Seriousness. But in all seriousness, who the fuck would open a jar of mayo in a grocery store, eat some of it, then put it back? If I looked, would there be slices of bread, cheese, and ham missing too? Did somebody make a fucking sandwich at the store? What the hell?

• Honestly. I mean, truly... honestly... what the bloody fuck? Did somebody obsessed with the creamy deliciousness of Dutch mayo realize that smuggling an entire jar was impossible... but smuggling a handful down their pants might work?

• Obsessive. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm honestly not getting all obsessive over this, but these are the things that keep me awake at night, people. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT MAYO?

• Foreigner. This morning as I was waiting to board my flight home, I made my way to some website where a video was available. After clicking on the video, I got an error message saying "I'm sorry this video is not available in your country." This left me dumbfounded and more than a little pissed off. I don't think that people should get to put videos on the internet unless the entire internet is allowed to look at them.

• Easy. One of the many movies I watched on my way home was Emma Stone in Easy A. It wasn't that this was a film I was dying to see, but it was one of the last things available that I hadn't already seen at least twice. Much to my shock and horror, I actually enjoyed this movie. It unapologetically borrows from a lot of those great 80's flicks like Sixteen Candies, Pretty in Pink, Say Anything, and the like. And does so pretty well. It always shocks me that quality films of any genre end up being made in this day and age... but for something in the teen angst/romance genre that doesn't completely suck? Miraculous.

Olive Penderghast is a forgettable nobody high school student who decides to embrace her newfound infamy as "school harlot" once a false rumor about her losing her virginity spreads throughout the school. Hilarity ensues. Not only is Emma Stone flawless as the witty and lethally unflappable lead, but they somehow managed to assemble a genius cast including Stanley Tucci, Thomas Haden Church, Patricia Clarkson, Malcolm McDowell, and a surprisingly appropriately cast Lisa Kudrow. If you're looking for some mindless fun (that's actually fun), here's your film...

Easy A Poster

• Hard. As opposed to the total shit-stain of a movie called Life As We Know It. I mean, holy crap, does Katherine Heigl actively search out the shittiest, most pedestrian, predictable, ridiculously stupid scripts in the gutters of Hollywood to find her movie projects? How many sublimely idiotic spit-take reactions to the foul smell of baby poop do we really need? Wasn't Three Men and a Baby enough? Are we doomed to see it replayed in a movie every three years until the end of time? Granted, I fast-forwarded through most of this film as redundant pap, so perhaps some of the nuance was lost on me... but what the fuck?!?

Annnnnd... I'm spent.

There are plenty more bullets left in me, but my fingers stopped working about ten minutes ago. Just three more hours layover until I get to go home and (hopefully) sleep.


  1. A. Lewis says:

    Two thoughts:
    1. You and I met at TequilaCon!
    2. You can keep that disgusting mayo away from me.

  2. CP says:

    I hate Katherine Heigl with the fury of 10,000 carnivorous fleas gnawing on a dirty camel hump. Seriously. Hate the bitch.

    That said, wouldn’t it just be weird if you were in the country where it said you couldn’t watch the video in that country because you weren’t in that country, but you are actually there and the video you wanted to watch was something by Foreigner?

    Ow. That hurt.

  3. Geekytaitai says:

    I’m sad that there won’t be a TC ’11, but I also understand that all of you work so hard to make these events happen and it’s difficult to coordinate schedules. Plus lots ‘o dollars are involved for everyone.

    The best mayonnaise I’ve ever tasted here in the U.S. is Duke’s. Kraft mayo can’t even be called mayonnaise. Eeewww!

    I have a feeling Duke’s is a Southern thing, but you’re here in ATL a few times a year. Next time you’re in town, I’ll try to remember to bring a bottle of it for you to try.

  4. Beth says:

    WAhhhhhhhhhh! There’s always July, right? RIGHT???

  5. Sizzle says:

    That’s a bummer about TequilaCon but I totally understand. I look forward to the great return!

    I am baffled by the mayo thing. Really, WTF?

    Easy A was delightful.

  6. claire says:

    The mayo must be amazing, because as much as you rave over your beloved patatjes met, I just can’t see them as appetizing. Well the fries look good, but mayo? Bleh.

    TequilaCon. Y’know, Vahid warned me this might happen last year. Didn’t quite believe it at the time but wouldn’t have been able to change things even if I had alas. I miss seeing Jenny and Brandon around the internets (and Vahid though he does pop up once in a blue moon). I still hope to meet you guys one day with or without TQCon.

    On the upside, now I don’t have to be paranoid that it will fall on the weekend that’s surrounded by appointments I can’t miss.

    I’ll have to see if the library system gets a copy of Easy A. Sounds like a cool cast.

  7. Troy says:

    Regarding the “I’m sorry this video is not available in your country”. Welcome to any country outside of the states that tries to watch anything linked on Hulu or or or or any other american network.

    I really love when someone posts – “check out this hilarious video from Letterman or Jon Stewart” just to have the “I’m sorry this video is not available in your country” comment pop up. Where do I go to find it? No where.

    Stupid dumb as copyright laws!

  8. Lisa says:

    I just don’t get the mayo thing. I’ve seen people drink things in the store, and eat fruit and give cookies to their kids and it makes me a little insane because IT’S NOT YOURS UNTIL YOU PAY FOR IT but mayo? I just…I got nothin!

  9. Angella says:

    I think that the real story about Tequilacon is that we all know that nothing can beat the Vancouver edition. 😉

  10. Christopher Stogdill says:

    I was pleasantly surprised at how good “Easy A” was. It had some of the best dialogue I’ve ever seen in a “teen film” and for once the parents were “normal”. I also liked that there were some unexpected twists because I’ve hardly ever surprised by a move. I wish it was because I am just so wicked smart, but really it is because so many movies are just so predictable.

  11. Megan says:

    I have to add “Easy A” to my must-see list now because you are the second person who would absolutely hate something like this to recommend it to me.

    So… the mayo. Can’t DutchBitch ship you a couple of jars? Or can’t you order them online. Perhaps you can find out how they make it and make your own? Too far?

  12. brandon says:

    tequilacon will always live on in our hearts and in our livers. and also on hotel security camera archives. probably in some carpets, too.

    you know, maybe it’s for the best.

  13. Avitable says:

    I loved the family dynamic in Easy A. Who wouldn’t want them as their family?

  14. Sad about the cancellation of TequilaCon this year, but expect a kick ass 2012 version.

  15. OK. Having never been to a TequilaCon, I’m still sad at the news. I always enjoy reading the recaps. Next time you’re in town, we’ll share a shot together, m’kay?

    Also, my son Heath LOVES mayo with his fries. I call him “My Little Dutchman” and I always think of you when I watch him dig in. You guys are going to have to hang!

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