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Posted on Friday, October 15th, 2010

Dave!My Washington State Voter's Ballot arrived today!

So I spent my evening carefully researching the issues and candidates... right after I got back from yelling at an old lady. But don't worry, she totally deserved it. I was at the grocery store getting something for my grandmother and had to call my mom to make sure I was getting the right thing. A woman shopping near me was compelled to say "ALL THESE DAMN PEOPLE WITH THEIR DAMN CELLPHONES EVERYWHERE!" To which I instantly replied "ALL THESE BITTER OLD HAGS WITH THEIR FOUL MOUTHS EVERYWHERE!"

Most of the time I like having a smart mouth, but I probably should have let that one lay.

Oh well. Back to voting.

Here's my choices in the Washington State Senator race...

Patty Murray and Dino Rossi are DUMBASSES!

Of course, "choices" doesn't mean shit, because all I get to "choose" from are dumbass Democrat incumbent Patty Murray and dumbass Republican challenger Dino Rossi. And what can they do for my home state? What are their plans to help Washingtonians? Why should they get my vote? Who the fuck knows! All their ads are attacking each other with absolutely NO indication of how they're going to deal with the challenges facing Washington State. Ugly, disgusting, stupid fucking attack ads running day and night that tell me nothing. And yet, also telling me everything I need to know.

Fuck you both you stupid assholes. Neither one of you deserve my vote.

But Becky commented that I need to vote for somebody... and so I've decided to write-in Linnea Hirst...

Linnea Hirst Vote

Linnea Hirst is the president of the Washington State League of Women Voters. This awesome organization has a terrific mission statement: "The League of Women Voters, a nonpartisan political organization, encourages informed and active participation in government, works to increase understanding of major public policy issues, and influences public policy through education and advocacy."

If, by association, Linnea Hirst has the same mission statement for her own political agenda, I can think of nobody I'd rather have as my Senator. Except Steve Jobs. But I think his California residency disqualifies him. Or maybe Elizabeth Hurley, but I think her lack of US citizenship disqualifies her.


I won't bore everybody with a rundown of how I'm voting on all the issues, but I will make one final comment concerning Initiative 1107...

I am 100% unequivocally in support of passing I-1107. It will repeal HOUSE BILL 2388 (the so-called "candy tax"), which I feel is hands-down one of the stupidest fucking pieces of legislation in Washington State history.

And this has absolutely nothing to do with my being opposed to tax on candy. It has everything to do with how asinine the bill's arbitrary language is, and how astoundingly stupid the people behind it are for ever ramming this crap down our throats...

Dumbass Politician Assholes

Looky! It's Representatives Jim Moeller along with his pack of dumbfucks Chase, Pedersen, Appleton, Kagi, Cody, Seaquist, Ormsby, and Roberts! Let's take a look at how they decided to balance the budget with their brilliant new tax...

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups vs. Reeses Sticks

Here's two Reese's candy bars: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Reese's Sticks. Since candy is taxed in Washington State, both of these items are taxable. Except one of them isn't. The Reese's Sticks candy bar has flour as an ingredient, so it's not considered candy and is exempt.

Here's another one...


That's not candy, it's almonds! Except when you roast them in honey, because that makes them candies after all. So the can of almonds on the left is not taxed, but the can of candy on the right is taxed.

One more...

Twizzlers vs. PowerBar

Twizzlers Strawberry Twists candy, TAXABLE! PowerBar Creamy Citrus Energy Bar, EXEMPT! Oh no... wait a second, I got that backwards... Twizzlers Strawberry Twists Candy is not really candy at all, so it's EXEMPT (even though it says "candy" RIGHT ON THE FUCKING PACKAGE! WTF?!?). But the PowerBar Creamy Citrus Energy Bar is classified as a candy bar and TAXED!

So. Fucking. Stupid.

Nobody likes paying taxes. But they are a necessary evil because they fund programs that (mostly) make life better for all of us, and so we pay them. But I have to draw the line when the taxes don't make sense. All nine of the dumbfuck politicians behind 2388 should be punched in the face and fired. All they knew was that they needed more money for their shit... and devised some idiotic scheme to tax arbitrary crap to pay for it. All because they were too damn stupid to come up with something that's not an inexplicable pile of FAIL!

Well fuck that.

Is it any wonder I hate politics, loathe politicians, and want a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?


  1. RW says:

    Candy trumps politics any day. This is axiomatic!

  2. Howard says:

    OMG! I got my Colorado ballot today! But sadly, mine didn’t have pictures.

  3. Sorata says:

    The scary thing is, I actually know who the two candidates on your ballot are! We get some of the channels from the Seattle area and I remember seeing their ad. Murray’s ad music sounded like it was taken out from a new SAW movie soundtrack, which is probably appropriate given what her campaign is all about.

  4. Becky says:

    You’re comment to the old lady in the store? Makes you my hero.
    Now, just waiting for you to start your own island country. I hate political ads too. I’m in MO where we’ve got to put up with the stupidity of Carnahan and Blunt.

  5. Sybil Law says:

    If they start taxing your candy (wha ?), I will send you some every month!
    I dread voting day. My choices aren’t any better than yours!

  6. Finn says:

    So I should be handing out Power Bars this Halloween? Noted.

    How are Twizzlers NOT candy? Is there anything in them that’s not sugar?

  7. Good grief. That candy tax is retarded.

  8. Now I want a PB Cup. And I’m still laughing at what you shouted at the old lady. You’re such a dick.

  9. If you don’t vote for Ms. Hirst, I think you should vote for yourself. But you made my heart so happy to read that you put so much thought into this.

    And I laughed my ass off at what you snapped at that woman. Priceless!

  10. Walt says:

    I agree Dave we all need to write in candidates that we trust. The same crap happens here in Pennsylvania. With all those stupid ads the only thing that is clear is all the candidates know how to waste money on advertising. I’d rather write in a morally respectable member of my community than waste my time helping suck asses like the candidates we’ve been getting.

  11. I think it’s rad that you said that to the old hag in the grocery store. Just had to mention that!

  12. kandi says:

    as usual you make my day!

  13. martymankins says:

    Scary candidates. I wouldn’t be surprised to know those are their actual photos.

    The roasted and salted albums are my favorite. A nice healthy snack with some not-so-healthy salt is always a tasty treat.

  14. Erin says:

    Don’t worry: I balanced out the universe by helping an old lady in a scooter get some ice cream out of the freezer case at Fred Meyer today. She was nice though.

  15. Suebob says:

    Miss Manners says that the first rule of etiquette is that adults do not correct the behavior of other adults. Or maybe I’m making that up. But it is still good. Not that I ABIDE by that rule…

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