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Posted on Thursday, February 9th, 2012

Dave!Holy crap, dude.

It doesn't matter who wins big come the November elections, there's going to be a lot of unhappy people. It's unavoidable because the level of venom being volleyed back-and-forth between Republicans and Democrats has reached critical mass. We're mere seconds away from a full-on thermonuclear explosion of hate, and you just can't come back from that.

And every time I watch the news or catch up with current political events on the internet, a part of me wonders if we should just carve up North America in a way that will keep us from destroying each other.

I'm talking about the establishment of Jesusland and The United States of Canada...

Jesusland and the United States of Canada Map

This has been a joke and internet meme for a long time. But the thing is... there's a very serious truth beneath it all. Why not create political divisions that make sense? Wouldn't people be a lot happier if their government more closely represented their beliefs and values?

And while I don't know that Canada would agree to be dragged into this mess, I'm thinking that the majority of Americans might actually go for it. The hatred is just so overwhelming, relentless, and balls-nasty that I'd do just about anything to make it stop.


Here in my home-state of Washington, we've got a scary level of hatred all our own to deal with. And now that same-sex-marriage is going to be signed into law next week, I can only imagine that it's going to get even worse...

Washington East-West FIGHT!

Washington East-West FIGHT!

Washington East-West FIGHT!

Washington East-West FIGHT!

Washington East-West FIGHT!

Though I really do hope my fellow Washingtonians over here in Redneckistan will do the right thing and help same-sex-marriage pass if it ends up being put to a vote. With acceptance of gay marriage reaching new heights every day, you just never know.

But that's just one issue out of hundreds.

In the end, even if we were to establish Jesusland and The United States of Canada, Washington would still be divided. I'm sure other states would have similar lines of separation. So while the majority of people would probably be happier eventually... there's still going to be a large segment of the population who are angry, bitter, and unhappy.

So what to do?

A pity we can't just all cling to the things we have in common and work from there...


But, alas, those things are getting to be few and far between.

Remember the good ol' days when being "Americans" was enough to unite us?

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Categories: News - Politics 2012Click To It: Permalink


  1. Robguy says:

    In Canada they have laws against lying on the “news”. In red states, they prefer the drama of Fox “news”. hmmmm…

    • Dave2 says:

      Yeah, but the United States of Canada could just ban FOX “News” while Jesusland could anoint it as “The Voice of the People”… problem solved, everybody’s happy!

  2. Kyra Wilson says:

    I think the most frightening part about the two-sided hate explosion is that deep down under all the crap, each side has a couple of valid points… that get lost in the vitriol, and then new “causes” leap up to crusade against that are not necessarily based on fact, just anger. But even with the larger stuff being off base, the fact that deep down there is something real, that makes people stick to their…well… guns, no matter how far from the original point they are, because they “know” they’re right. Sorta. I’m sad that we have gone from We the People, to We Only Want a Few People.

  3. LeSombre says:

    One of us! One of us! 😉

  4. martymankins says:

    First off, those graphics you created are some of the best you’ve done out here. Seriously clever characters.

    Secondly, a big WAHHHHH! that I live in Jesusland, although to be honest, I’ve known this for the 23 years I’ve lived here. If it gets too much for me, I just look to the mountain ranges that surround me and feel better for the moment.

    As for your ending statement, I actually remember people being proud to put aside their differences and be glad they are Americans. I blame Lee Atwater and Karl Rove for contributing to this divide.

  5. whall says:

    Me: I applaud your efforts to be fair-minded in the arguments portrayed by the WashingToonIans.

    Me2: Wait, no I don’t! You’re unfair and stupid!

    Me: Yes, you really were equal in the distribution of rhetoric. Neither side is blameless and both sides have tremendous anger issues.

    Me2: No, wait, absolutely not. You’re force-feeding opinions to your mindless readers! You’re picking sides! There oughta be a law that stops you!

    Me: More laws equal less justice. Just remember, Dave2 knows best. We should push him into public service.

    Me2: You’re right! He’d HATE being in public office. We should nominate him to go serve! BWAHAHAHAHA!


    • Dave2 says:

      Dave: ZOMG! @Whall is right!
      Dave2: ZOMG! I Know!

      Dave: You should totally be president!
      Dave2: No, YOU should totally be president!

      Dave: Darn that @Whall to heck!
      Dave2: We hate @Whall!

  6. Mary Sue says:

    Remember the good ol’ days when being “Americans” was enough to unite us?


    Oops, sorry, my degree in US history is showing again.

  7. James Bow says:

    I think Iowa really belongs to the USoC. Maybe we can trade Jesusland rural Alberta instead…

    • Dave2 says:

      Well… they are forward-thinking enough to have same-sex marriage, but I think they vote consistently conservative, so they might not be very happy in The United States of Canada. I dunno. Guess they could vote on it!

  8. Ren says:

    I’m pretty sure that if any sort of change were to actually occur, Texas wouldn’t accept anything other than being its own country. Either way, I’d be screwed as there are no good options for a new place to live. California is much too expensive. and everything else is too far north. Except Hawaii. Which is also much too expensive, but perhaps it would be worth it… Hmm….

    • Dave2 says:

      You could be right… but I’m pretty sure that the capitol of Jesusland would be in Texas, so that might keep the separatists on-board!

      I have mixed feelings on Hawaii. I LOVE the place, and visit whenever I can… but I don’t know that I could live there. It’s a quandary! I suppose I could always try living there for a while (assuming I could afford it!).

  9. shari says:

    This is brilliant. I hate that it’s also frighteningly accurate. 🙁

  10. Miss Britt says:

    I have, perhaps foolishly, taken up this issue recently on Twitter and tried to kindly point out when people I know are blindly labeling their friends with words like bigot, socialist, blah blah blah. For some reason, encouraging people to be civil to one another has become more important to me than convincing people to vote for “my side.” It’s probably just as futile an endeavor.

  11. bo says:

    Ohio is very peculiarly divided. Most of the urban areas – even the medium-sized towns – are Democrat/liberal. But the vast areas of farms and the southern hills are largely Republican/conservative. This is why we’re a swing state, which is exciting, sure.

    But the problem is that your map wouldn’t work for Ohio. If I walk out my door and talk to any of my neighbors, chances are we hold most of the same views. If I drive maybe five miles and talk to any random person, chances are our views would be very different. Ohio is so mixed and the lines are not easily drawn. (Just ask the Republican in the Ohio House who redrew some really fucked up precincts last year.)

    And so we’ll elect a Democrat as governor. And then we’ll elect a Republican. And each will undo whatever progress the other has attempted. It’s not good for anyone, or for Ohio’s future. And the fighting is constant and intense. It just gets so old.

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