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Posted on Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Dave!On my way home tonight, I spent the entire trip trying to make other cars explode using the power of my mind.

I know some might consider this to be cruel and hateful, but when somebody is driving 20 MPH in a 35 MPH zone, what else can you expect? When somebody comes to a full-stop at a caution light, what else can you expect? When somebody doesn't take their turn at an intersection stop, what else can you expect? When somebody is blocking the road so they can talk to somebody in a car coming from the opposite direction, what else can you expect? When everybody you encounter on the road is a frickin' moron, what else can you expect?

This is what I keep hoping happens...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave is driving while using his psychic powers!

DAVETOON: Some idiot's car is being hit by Lil' Dave's psychic energy!

DAVETOON: The idiot's car explodes in a firey explosion thanks to Lil' Dave's psychic energy!

Wouldn't that be great?

Just think of how much more fun it would be to drive if you could asplode dumbass drivers on the road?

Of course, none of this would be necessary if I were to get those flying cars we've been promised all these years...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey are flying around in the DeLorean from the Back To The Future movies!

Talking about being able to explode things with psychic powers makes me wonder how much of the population would eventually find themselves asploded because they did something to piss me off. 25%? 50%? 75%? Who can say? It's kind of worrisome to think that I might get carried away and end up asploding 98% of the people on earth. Who would be left to make the chocolate pudding?

Hopefully it wouldn't be raging moron turned media whore Carie Prejean. She is so fantastically stupid that I think I'd asplode her even if it meant I wouldn't get any pudding. I don't know how much longer I can listen to this idiot whine about the imaginary liberal media trying to take away her right to free speech... especially when she's showing up absolutely everywhere talking about it. She's just like every other radical Christian hardcore Conservative beauty queen homophobe with fake boobs, naked photos, dozens of sex tapes, and a new book to sell... a hypocrite who is perfectly happy judging others by her lofty moral standards, but gets pissy when somebody presumes to judge her with theirs. I don't want her to shut up because she's pushing some kind of anti-human, anti-equality, anti-gay agenda... I want her to shut up because she's a fucking dumbass.

How is it that these faux-pious assholes with a "do as I say, not as I do" attitude seem to think that people are dense enough to buy their lies, hypocrisy, and bullshit? Probably because people are that dense, and I have little doubt her book will be a bestseller. People are not only buying the crap she's selling, they're forking over their hard-earned money to do it.

So, no. Nobody is taking away Prejean's right of free speech.

But I really wish they would.

Comments

  1. Jeff says:

    Pull the trigger and asplode Prejean ASAP.

    Please.

    There is only so much dumbfuckery I can take. She has WAY overstayed her 15.

  2. Robin says:

    Considering a driver like that nearly caused me to flip my truck over on my way home last night, I concur with your assessment – not fun to see your life (and insurance deductibles) flash before your eyes. However, if someone else has psychic powers greater than my own, they would probably have me imploded too if I cut them off (while driving) without meaning to.

    So, I think we’re just damned to deal with shitty drivers. :)

    • Dave2 says:

      But all these things I’m complaining about are not unintentional. The people either know what they’re doing is wrong and don’t care… or they don’t realize it’s wrong because they don’t know the rules of the road and shouldn’t be driving anyway.

      I’m actually a fairly forgiving person on the road, but non-stop dumbassery gets to be a bit much to take. People just don’t seem to care anymore.

  3. My job requires me to drive 80% of the day and now that the snowbirds are here in Sarasota for the winter……AAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH! Everything you described and more! Getting into the far right lane and making a left hand turn? CHECK! 90 through the school zone but 35 on the interstate? CHECK! Taking two lanes on a three lane road? CHECK!

    Is it april yet so they will all go home?

  4. Actually, I’ll probably go to the local B&N book store, pick her book off the shelf, sit down and skim through it, making sure to spill some decaf non-fat latte with four Splendas on several of the pages. Then, I’ll return it to the shelf thereby rendering it useless for sale.

    Satisfaction.

  5. christie says:

    Carrie Prejean…

    ugh- stupid bitch….

    and yes, that would be totally awesome if I could make cars explode with my mind…

  6. Finn says:

    A book?! She gets a book and I don’t get a book? WTF?!

  7. Lisa says:

    Sometimes you need a little spontaneous combustion to get you through the day!

  8. B.E. Earl says:

    I spend a good deal of time ignoring Carrie Prejean. After her first bout of stupidity I just figured everything out of her mouth was gonna be moronic. So I turn the channel whenever she is on. Makes me save my mind asplodey powers for all the other idiots in the world.

    • Dave2 says:

      I have no problem with people standing by their principles… but when their principles are equally suspect, it doesn’t give them much credibility, it just makes them a hypocrite. If she’s going to judge everybody by her set of standards (The Bible) she’d better stand by them herself. Something tells me naked photos and sex tapes aren’t exactly sanctioned there…

  9. We should have flying cars, or jetpacks, or teleportation. Or something. Totally lied to when we were kids. This is supposed to be the future.

  10. Steve in NH says:

    Sanctimonius.

  11. Michelle M. says:

    It’s too bad all dumbass drivers don’t have “STOOPID” on their license plates. Or branded on their foreheads.

    • Dave2 says:

      I like the idea of a “dumbass gun”… I think it was Gallagher who said that people should have little dart guns when they drive that fire little plastic flags that say “Stupid.” If a police officer sees a car that has been hit with more than three flags, he pulls the car over and gives them a ticket for being an idiot. Genius!

  12. sizzle says:

    Washington drivers have got to be some of the worst drivers ever. I complain about this all the time. I wouldn’t mind it one bit if you could blow them all up with your mind!

    • Dave2 says:

      In Seattle, the traffic is terrible, but people mostly know how to drive unless it’s raining hard or snowing. The problem is outside of Seattle, where everybody seems to move at a glacial pace and doesn’t care who they piss off when they disrupt traffic for everybody. It’s very, very frustrating. If they were to pull that in L.A., they’d be shot!! :-)

  13. Sybil Law says:

    If you ever get those mind powers, please let me know! Yesterday, I nearly hit a guy because he just decided to cross a busy intersection even though I had a green light – only the guy was fricking WALKING.
    I should’ve just plowed him. Stupidity ain’t only in cars!!
    Prejean is a big, sick joke. She should run with Palin!

    • Dave2 says:

      Some people think that pedestrians always have the right of way… even when they perform a traffic violation. As if we don’t have enough to worry about while driving, now we’ve got to bobysit pedestrians who don’t know how to follow a traffic light! :-P

  14. John says:

    Some one should tell Carie Prejean to ‘Practice what you Preach” HA! Pun originaly unintended.

    Can someone with these powers please come forth? What about the guy that claims to levitate things and turn street lights on and off? Can he do this? If he can, I hope he asplodes Nancy Pelosi and her (who know how many?) private jets that are a “nessesity” in this economic downturn!

    Some more people to asplode are soccer moms who set up their kid’s leage’s soccer fields on public property, AND LEAVE THE PLACE LOOKING LIKE A STAMPEDE OF ELEPHANTS JUST WENT TROUGH! If that was their property, would they leave it like that after letting the kids play? No!

  15. Hilly says:

    I think I’d be safe from assploding….unless of course I mentioned you being “overly dramatic”. ;)

  16. karla says:

    Dude, you should be in Austin. then I would drive and you could shoot.

    Austin rocks. I’m having the best time. And it’s not just the three martinis I have had that is saying that.

  17. Peggy Archer says:

    Hahahaha! Nice mushroom cloud cartoon. We spent the entire day blowing up Santa Claus, and the cloud from the explosion looked just like it.

    Oh, and whatsername can bite me. I’ve chosen to ignore her until her 15 minutes are over.

  18. Wheeeee! Thanks for posting about that hypocritical BITCH who I hate more than menstrual cramps! Well said.

  19. martymankins says:

    BTW, Utah drivers are the worst. They drive only for themselves and no one else. But for the times they drive for others, it’s to go 40 in a 65mph zone to speed shield others. Or they go 90mph on the freeway and wonder why the people going 75mph are not moving over for them.

    “I want her to shut up because she’s a fucking dumbass.”
    Fucking brilliant, Dave. I’ve only been in two face-to-face discussions with others on this dumb bitch and why the liberal media are taking away her free speech and her religious beliefs… blah blah. I can’t wait until someone dumber and more stupid will come in to take away that thund.. oh.. never mind. Sarah Palin is pimping her new book. GAH!

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