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Posted on Monday, November 2nd, 2009

Dave!Not a good day to be Dave2.

If you're sensitive to foul language, adult situations, and abundant use of the "F-word," it would be best to skip this entry.

Rated R

This rant has been placed in an extended entry to protect the innocent...

• FUCK!! First of all, I got YET ANOTHER FUCKING JURY DUTY SUMMONS in the mail today. Most people I know have been summoned for jury duty just once or twice (or never been called at all). I've been summoned at least eight fucking times now. I have served on three juries.

Hell, I was just on jury duty three years ago!

This is what I said back in 2003 when I was ALSO called for jury duty...

What the f#@%?? Excuse me, but apparently the Washington State Justice System has me confused with some loser that has nothing better to do than wait by the phone while they try to find some criminal that needs hanging. I realize that Washington has one of the highest unemployment rates in the nation, but unless you want me to lose my job and become another unemployment statistic, you'd better re-think things. Do you really expect people to put their lives on hold for TWO WEEKS why you make up your mind as to whether I am going to be called in with only one day's notice? How am I supposed to plan for that? This isn't Little House on the F#@%ing Prairie where people had nothing to do...

Fast forward six years later when we're in the middle of record unemployment, and this is even more true. There are people out there who can't find work, have never served on a jury, and would probably love to have something to do... yet "the system" insists on calling somebody who has already been called EIGHT FUCKING TIMES!! Who dreams up this fucking bullshit? How in the fuck am I supposed to schedule in TWO FULL WEEKS for jury duty when I can't even take two straight weeks of vacation in a year? This is supposed to be a fair process?

I cannot take much more stupid shit like this without going fucking insane.

• FUCK! FUCK!! It's stupid fucking whores like this that make my brain explode...

People are scared? Of course they're scared you fucking moron... BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS SCARING THEM WITH YOUR IDIOTIC LIES, EXAGGERATIONS, AND FUCKING BULLSHIT!! President Obama wanting an affordable, non-profit, government-run public health care option where billions of dollars actually go towards paying for health care instead of lining the pockets of insurance companies IS A BIGGER THREAT THAN TERRORISTS?! What a stupid fucking bitch. Seriously... who voted for this fucking dumbass? Shouldn't people this brain-damaged be put down in the interest of public safety? I mean, they shoot cattle in the fucking head if they're suspected of having mad cow disease... who shoots vapid politicians in the fucking head when they're suspected of being brain-dead?

Look, if you disagree with President Obama, that's fine. I respect that everybody is going to have their own opinion. That's America. If you want to ignore actual facts and deceive people, well, that too is (sadly) America. But if you are a fucking State Representative... is there not an obligation to represent your constituents without resorting to intimidation and scare-tactics like a fucking drama-queen asshole? Don't the people who elect you deserve a certain level of respect and dignity when you are speaking on their behalf? Worse than terrorists? Seriously? From the bottom of my heart, go fuck yourself Virginia Foxx, you stupid fucking twat. You are an example of everything that is going wrong with this country.

• FUCK! FUCK!! FUCK!!! The fight for equality here in Washington State is reaching profoundly stupid levels. In a last-ditch effort to scare the straights into voting against equality by rejecting Ref. 71, opponents are reaching deep, deep into their pile of bullshit. Today I ran across an asshole distributing pamphlets proclaiming "CHILDREN DESERVE MOTHERS AND FATHERS! PROTECT MARRIAGE!" The level of dumbassery in this statement is epic when you read the actual language of the ballot measure...

This bill would expand the rights, responsibilities, and obligations accorded state-registered same-sex and senior domestic partners to be equivalent to those of married spouses, except that a domestic partnership is not a marriage.

Yes. That's right. The literal words written on the fucking ballot come right out and say "DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP IS NOT A MARRIAGE!"

And do you know what this piece of shit said when I pointed this out to him?

"Well, it's the first step towards legalizing gay marriage, so it's the same thing."

My smart mouth was compelled to say "Well, taking your pamphlet is the first step towards becoming a total dumbass, so I think I'll pass." Only in the world of the truly stupid is "NOT MARRIAGE" the same thing as "MARRIAGE"... and debating logic with the terminally clueless is not something I have time for.

Is it too much to hope that truth, sanity, and logic prevails in this election?

Approve Ref. 71 Washington

Oh crap. I'm looking for "truth, sanity, and logic" in modern politics. When did I become this delusional?


There's probably fifty other fucked-up things pissing me off right now (don't even get me started on the stupidity of Daylight Saving Time), but I'm already so enraged that adding one more to this list would cause my blood pressure to escalate to such a degree that my fucking head would explode.

Tonight when I go to bed, I'll be praying that I'm abducted by aliens.

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Categories: DaveLife 2009Click To It: Permalink


  1. Kim says:

    I do agree with you on Senate Granny – bullshit. And on the jury duty crap – more BS.

    I just hope the aliens have a probe that express your “glands down there” and give you a little “oooohhhhh shiney” feeling. Heeheehee.

  2. Chris says:

    With you 100% – hopefully an alien abduction would result in a better world. If you get abducted have them swing by my place too.

  3. Snarke says:

    That? Was a most excellent rant. Good job, you!

    I think I can one up your Ref 71 “what the hell is wrong with these dumbasses?” though. In 2004, Oregon had the same kind of measure on its ballot (except that a yes vote was in favor of banning gay marriage) and toward the end of the campaign, there was a commercial featuring two big fat men who said “we’ve been partners for thirty years and we’re voting yes on Measure 50 because we believe that marriage SHOULD only be between a man and a woman.” Yeah–the pro-bigotry squad actually hired a couple of dudes (who, seriously, looked like twin brothers) to play a gay couple who didn’t believe that they deserved the same rights as everyone else. Douchebaggery at the highest level, I’d say.

  4. whitenoise says:

    C’mon, Dave. Daylight Saving Time is a GREAT idea!

  5. Sybil Law says:

    I pray they come and take me, too!
    Hope your day gets better.

  6. Hey I was procrastinating from study and I came across your blog…

    Good stuff ๐Ÿ™‚

    I like.

  7. A. Lewis says:

    Holy smokes…..the boy is on a roll here….in spite of the clear fact that he has every reason to be. Thanks for speaking up!

  8. Foo says:

    I too have been called to jury duty a ridiculous number of times (8). It’s every 1.5 years here. Next time try wearing the following T-Shirt – “Kill em’ all, let God sort them out” I hear it sends you home pretty fast.

  9. Avitable says:

    If you got abducted by aliens they’d anally probe you and then you’d get annoyed by that, too. I think you’re fucked either way.

  10. Mitchell says:

    I just sent my ballot in!

    Sorry about the Jury summons… I know exactly what you mean. The show 30 Rock season 3, episode 1 or 2 had an awesome jury duty joke, โ€œWhen I get summoned for jury duty I dress up as princess Leia and tell them Iโ€™m not a fair choice because I can read minds!โ€
    I think you would be a good Skywalker!


  11. the patient says:

    But Dave, daylight savings time is over? So what’s the problem now? We’re back to standard time. If you hate daylight savings, you should be at peace now, bro. Or do you hate standard time.

    • Dave2 says:

      It’s the switch from Daylight Savings that pisses me off… WE HAVE ELECTRICITY NOW! And the bullshit excuse of “doing it for the farmers” is Class-A Ignorant because farmers get up with the sunrise… they don’t look at a frickin’ clock. Pick a time and stick to it. Or split the difference and stick to that… I don’t care… but quit moving the clocks around for an antiquated concept that hasn’t been relevant in decades. Standard Time should be the ONLY time, and it’s stupid that only a few states are enlightened enough to realize this and abolish DST altogether. It needs to go nation-wide.

  12. Finn says:

    I am going to have my own island someday and on it, life will make sense and stupid people cannot live there. And maybe not even visit.

  13. Lisa says:

    I get so angry about the gay marriage issue. Seriously? Why is it so fucking hard? It’s the right thing to do and that should be the end of it. How many people who trot out the “sanctity of marriage” argument are on their second or third marriage? Give me a fucking break. What is there to be afraid of?

  14. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    I live in Virginia Foxx’s district. To understand how someone like that gets elected from a place like this, perhaps you should come to next year’s state fair here in my lovely burgh and people watch for a few hours.

  15. Ren says:

    Blame DST!! (Though I do think it’s funny that there seem to be more complaints when Daylight Saving Time ends (now) than when it starts.)

    In Texas (at least some counties), there’s an exemption from jury service if you’ve served within 2 years. A quick check of Washington didn’t reveal the same exclusion, though it sounds like that wouldn’t have helped you anyway.

    I wasn’t going to add this last bit, ’cause I really don’t want to be anywhere near defending scare tactics, but saying “we have more to fear” is not the same as “worse than”. Heck, we have more to fear from driving cars than from terrorists, right? Hmm.. maybe “fear” isn’t the right word there, as we can certainly fear catastrophic terrorist actions. Maybe “more threatened by” or “more direct risk from” or something like that?

    Of course, in this vein, what we *really* have to fear from terrorists are the changes to our society that they engender. And those are right on par with even her slanted view of the health care legislation. So I guess she’s still wrong. ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Would be interesting to see how much money Virginia Foxx receives from the insurance companies to shill on their behalf. We’re doomed. Doomed I tell you.

    Oh, thankfully, DST is a mystery to those of us in Arizona ๐Ÿ˜‰

  17. I’ve been called for jury duty twice. Once in college (couldn’t serve or would miss class) and just after J-man’s birth (Sure! I can serve my two weeks! I hope you don’t mind me breastfeeding during court proceedings!). Yeah. And now that I have a ton of free time? Nada. Go figure. I feel you, hon. I wish I could volunteer in your place. Maybe you could call and point out to them you’ve been called eight times and gee maybe they could cut you some slack for, like, the next eighty years?


    And I agree with you on everything else. I hate fear-mongering and I hate the haters.

    Does that make me a hater?


  18. Howard says:

    FUCK! It’s good to have you on our side.

  19. Iron Fist says:

    Rep. Foxx was going to go fuck herself on your suggestion, but once she saw herself naked she lost all arousal and claimed to have a headache again.

  20. Heather says:

    Thank you. I agree with you 100%. Your rant is a voice. I applaud your voice. Have a better day.

  21. muskrat says:

    i’ve never been called for jury duty. i think it might be fun, but i’m certain i’d be struck during voir dire.

  22. Steve in NH says:

    Nah, nah I’m self-employed so I don’t have to do jury duty. Seriously, though, you wrote a good post today. It is fun to read something foul-mouthed AND smart. A rare combination. Seems like your Washington domestic partnership question is pretty tame. The haters will out nonetheless. As I fear they will next door in Maine. Fingers crossed.

  23. Etienne says:

    I like my Summer days having an extra hour of daylight after work….I’m sorry, my bad.

    Of course I’m with you 200% on the domestic partnership issue. You should’ve taken the pamphlet from that guy and asked for a bunch more ‘to distribute in your neighborhood’ then, dumped ’em in the trash when you turned the corner.

    I hear that if you’re a convicted felon, they won’t call you for jury duty…..(just a suggestion).

  24. Jacki says:

    Perhaps rather than trying legalize same-sex marriage, Countries should look to banning marriage altogether. Would stop the arguments cold.
    It would have the added effect of lowering divorce rates, and get rid of a crap load of Lawyers at the same time!

  25. kapgar says:

    I swore you were on jury duty just last year.

  26. 6ft5 says:

    Iยดll quote Dolly Parton โ€œIโ€™m all for gay marriages. Why shouldnโ€™t they suffer like the rest of us?โ€

    And Iยดm still jetlaged from the DST ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. John says:

    MEDICAL care is the nessecity. Is flood insurance a nessesity? NO! Niether is heath insurance. People with pre-existing conditions that they weren’t born with are denied coverage because THEY ARE THE ONES WHO DIDN’T WANT TO GET INSURANCE BEFORE! If anybody without insurance got cancer, and the pre-existing condition regulation wasn’t observed, they could just take out a policy and get free coverage! Then they would cancel and pull the same stunt again when they got sick again! You don’t take out auto insurance AFTER you get in an accident, do you?!? Same thing with health insurance! And last time I checked, having the rich provide the poor’s health insurance was SOCIALISM! And this thing with a TAXPAYER ORGINIZATION, the NEA, paying artists to push the Obama agenda? Last time national propaganda was used majorly was, um, Nazi Germany, am I right? Now I am NOT calling Obama a Nazi, but a PRESIDENT using propaganda is sick! Oh, and one of his Marxist advisors is quoted as saying “political power comes largly form the barrel of a gun.” WHAT!!!! WE LIVE IN AMERICA WITH FREE SPEECH!

    • Dave2 says:

      I don’t know what you’re talking about, because nothing you are saying is addressing anything I’ve said.

      Nowhere… NOWHERE… did I mention “free health care” or having “the rich pay for everybody’s health care.” I am talking about people being able to have access to AFFORDABLE health care. The “Public Option” is where the government sells health insurance and all the money they collect goes towards PAYING FOR HEALTH CARE. This would be a refreshing change from our current system where massive insurance companies rake in record profits while refusing to cover health problems they originally agreed to take care of… all while raising rates more and more to keep the profits high.

      The tired cry of labeling everything President Obama does as “socialism” and painting a democratically elected President who is trying to provide affordable health care to US citizens as “Nazi Germany” is grotesque. I guess in the absence of facts and a rational argument, tossing around such inflammatory buzzwords is all that’s left?

  28. Mad William says:

    Go Dave!
    Personally, I think you held back remarkably well.
    I would have just typed FUCK! over and over about a thousand times.
    I swear to God I want to become a serial killer and start in Washington. Someone should take out those dumb asses like Foxx before they can do anymore damage.

    PS. If you get abducted, have them swing by my place.

  29. Troy says:

    I’m trying to figure out why Socialism seems to be such a bad word in America? Do people associate it with Communism? They are two completely different concepts.

    I’m happy that I live in Canada where our “socialist” health care systems means if I get sick I’m not going to lose everything I own. I don’t mind waiting for care if it means I don’t have to take out a loan or go on a “payment plan” to have health care.

    The only thing that peeves me off is the lack of family doctors in Canada. Would you Americans stop stealing all our doctors? ๐Ÿ™‚

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