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Pornographica

Posted on August 2nd, 2010

Dave!All I wanted was a White iPhone 4.

But Apple keeps delaying the shit over and over and over again, so I finally just bit the bullet and went down to the AT&T Store to place my order for a Black iPhone 4. I need it to replace my rapidly dying pocket camera (which is currently being held together with rubber bands), and the idea of having one less thing to carry is very appealing to me.

While I was there, I stood next to another customer who brought forth a very interesting scenario.

Let's say you are upgrading your phone. Let's further speculate that you ask the cell phone store employee to transfer all your ringtones and photos and whatnot to the new phone so you don't have to mess with it.

Now let's say that amongst the photos from your phone's camera there are a number of pornographic shots.

How do you handle that??

I would die immediately. Struck dead right on the spot... not so much from embarrassment, but from the realization that I was stupid enough to leave nasty photos on a camera I handed over to a stranger.

But today I learned there's a way other than death in five easy steps...

  1. SHOCK! "Oh... those were supposed to be deleted!"
  2. DENIAL! "Those photos aren't mine!"
  3. INNOCENCE! "I don't know where they came from!"
  4. BLAME! "Somebody's playing a trick on me!"
  5. ACCEPTANCE! "Well that's embarrassing. How do I get those photos off of there?

Apparently lying solves everything. Even when the lies contradict each other.

You really do learn something new every day.

   

Cable

Posted on January 6th, 2010

Dave!I've had an HD-ready television for years, but haven't gotten a lot of use out of it because I can't get HD content with DirecTV. Apparently, the trees around here block the satellites or something like that. I didn't want to switch away from DirecTV, because I couldn't bear the thought of parting with my beloved TiVo.

But over the last year or so I've been freaking out while watching television because channels are starting to go widescreen HD-only. Then, to make the picture fit on older non-HD equipment, they slice off the sides of the picture. Needless to say, this sucks ass, so ultimately I decided to trade in my satellite dish for HD Cable. To get package deal pricing, I also switched over my phone and internet.

Overall, I have to say I'm impressed with the HD picture. It looks really fantastic, and most of the channels I watch are broadcast in the HD format. The phone line is okay, but kind of spotty over long calls. The internet, however, is total shit. It's blazing fast one minute, then taking EIGHT MINUTES to download a frickin' Google page the next. Contacting the really nice people at tech support has resulted in a house-call next week to investigate the problem. If they fix it, I will be a very happy camper. If they don't... well... this will not go well for anybody.

But the biggest piece of the puzzle was always going to be my new DVR. For the most part, everything I've tried blows when compared to TiVo, but the Motorola Moxi model they gave me isn't that bad. The interface is not as good as TiVo for sure, but it's speedy and gets the job done. The only problem I've found so far is that only a small number of channels are able to be programmed for recording over the internet (NONE of the HD channels are). This is an EPIC FAIL! because being able program my DVR while traveling is kind of important.

Oooh... speaking of important... do you think they have porn channels in HD??

   

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