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Pornographica

Posted on Monday, August 2nd, 2010

Dave!All I wanted was a White iPhone 4.

But Apple keeps delaying the shit over and over and over again, so I finally just bit the bullet and went down to the AT&T Store to place my order for a Black iPhone 4. I need it to replace my rapidly dying pocket camera (which is currently being held together with rubber bands), and the idea of having one less thing to carry is very appealing to me.

While I was there, I stood next to another customer who brought forth a very interesting scenario.

Let's say you are upgrading your phone. Let's further speculate that you ask the cell phone store employee to transfer all your ringtones and photos and whatnot to the new phone so you don't have to mess with it.

Now let's say that amongst the photos from your phone's camera there are a number of pornographic shots.

How do you handle that??

I would die immediately. Struck dead right on the spot... not so much from embarrassment, but from the realization that I was stupid enough to leave nasty photos on a camera I handed over to a stranger.

But today I learned there's a way other than death in five easy steps...

  1. SHOCK! "Oh... those were supposed to be deleted!"
  2. DENIAL! "Those photos aren't mine!"
  3. INNOCENCE! "I don't know where they came from!"
  4. BLAME! "Somebody's playing a trick on me!"
  5. ACCEPTANCE! "Well that's embarrassing. How do I get those photos off of there?

Apparently lying solves everything. Even when the lies contradict each other.

You really do learn something new every day.

Tags: , ,
Categories: Apple Stuff 2010, DaveLife 2010Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. muskrat says:

    That is awesome. And, what a dumbass.

    As an aside, and I’m probably alone in my gender on this, but isn’t it a little pathetic to need to carry around porn on your phone?

  2. The only way to handle something like that is to proudly (yes, proudly) cop to the fact that you have porn on your phone. And then strut, STRUT I SAY, out of the store.

  3. Suebob says:

    I used to do some “writing” for the NSFW “Desperately Seeking…Something” site, where we made fun of obscene Craigslist personals photos.

    When my laptop broke and I sent it off to a friend to try and salvage parts from, I had to explain why the hard drive was filled with the most tasteless dick photos ever.

    THAT’S MY EXCUSE AND I’M STICKING TO IT.

  4. B.E. Earl says:

    A friend’s computer died and her camera was on-deck, so she asked me to “save” her pictures on my computer until she got it up and running. Like the good friend, I did. But it took her forever to get her computer back running and when she finally did she forgot about the pictures. So did I.

    Until I was searching for an old photo of mine and I came across her photo set. Which included a full frontal shot of her now ex-boyfriend posing with a top hat and a cane. Just the top hat and the cane. Yeah.

    Worst day ever.

  5. Kim says:

    I see things at work sometimes that makes my eyes bleed. People are freaks. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. ; )

  6. A. Lewis says:

    It’s happened to me more than once. At this point, though, I really don’t care. In fact, I sort of like the shock value. I’ve got some on my phone right now — shall I post them here??? Hee heee…..

  7. karla says:

    yeah, you forgot pride.

    “heh. Get a load of THAT! THAT was a good time, let me tell you. a GOOD TIME.”

  8. Sybil Law says:

    Seriously – I would’ve just laughed! (And no – I don’t have porn on my phone!)

  9. Wait, you mean I’m *not* supposed to keep my porn pictures on my phone. Wow, I’d better fix that today.

  10. xoxoxoe says:

    reminds me of…

    [returning Austin’s personal property after reanimating him]
    Quartermaster Clerk: One Swedish-made penis enlarger.
    Austin Powers: [to Vanessa] That’s not mine.
    Quartermaster Clerk: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
    Austin Powers: I’m telling ya baby, that’s not mine.
    Quartermaster Clerk: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
    Austin Powers: I don’t even know what this is! This sort of thing ain’t my bag, baby.
    Quartermaster Clerk: One book, “Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby”, by Austin Powers.

  11. RW says:

    porn on a cell phone. You can do that??

  12. Hilly Sue says:

    It’s a shame…when you mess around with a heart.

  13. martymankins says:

    Seems denial is something people do when placed in awkward situations. Dumbass indeed.

  14. CD says:

    You could always make a white iPhone skin and do something cool like the retro-logo in the link:

    http://www.tuaw.com/2010/07/06/nice-white-iphone-4-mod/

    http://www.magnetstudio.com/stuff/skin.jpg

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