A second entry today as I live-react to the Apple Keynote "Glowtime" which was unleashed this morning (except I had to work so I am reacting after). No worries though... there's still some more Disney entries in the queue to finish out through Friday, but I didn't feel like waiting until next week when this entry is ready to go.

• Apple Watch 10: I’ve been begging for a thinner, lighter Apple Watch since Day One. So the Apple Watch 10 is right up my alley...

Except the blood oxygen tracking has been turned off because of the patent dispute mess Apple is in? I guess? I’d gladly upgrade, but not if this essential features are missing since that's a huge indicator of COVID infection. And also? Your color choices are Black, Silver, and Rose Gold. No Product(RED) color this time around. And look at these shitty, boring Sport Band colors! Holy crap what a morose and boring selection...

No thanks. I'll be sticking with my beautiful Product(RED) watch with the classy Product(RED) band. What a boring-ass design direction Apple is on. I hope this isn't a trend for the rest of the keynote, but I know better.

• Apple Watch Ultra 2: The version in black is gorgeous. And that titanium loop band is incredible. But the massive size of the thing (along with the heinous price) guarantees I’ll never be a customer.

• AirPods 4: I love my AirPods and use them all the time. All it took for me to upgrade from the originals (which I hated because they kept falling out) was the soft cushion cups in variable sizes that you get with the “Pro” model. And here we are again with the slippery hard plastic bullshit. I don’t give a shit how many ears that Apple “scanned” I will never buy any model which doesn’t have interchangeable soft cups to keep them in place.

• AirPods Max: I tried them. They were so fucking heavy and uncomfortable that I stuck with my Beats Pro (which would no longer charge after less than two years). Rather than addressing the comfort problem (and that absurdly stupid purse case), Apple just released new colors and updated the charging port to USB-C? WHAT THE FUCK?!?

• AirPods Pro: Oh boy. Health features. “Hearing Protection” is nice, but it shouldn’t take the place of proper protection, and I’m shocked Apple didn’t mention that AT ALL. — “Hearing Test” is a great idea though. Bravo. Though I have to wonder how accurate it is. Maybe it doesn't have to be, and is just accurate enough to let you know if you should seek help? — “Hearing Aid” is nice for people who need it, sure. But it seems profoundly weird that people would actually use these as hearing aids as shown in the keynote. Better to say that if you are already using your AirPods Pro, the hearing aid feature can help. I am confused if these are actually upgraded hardware... or if it’s just a new feature added to old models, which is what it sounds like? Dang does Apple need to pass these keynotes by a third-party to make sure they are understandable.

• iPhone 16: Everybody knew that "Apple Intelligence" (Apple's version of AI) would be a huge deal for future iPhone models, and here we are. And these non-Pro colors are absolutely gorgeous...

I am wondering for the millionth time why Pro customers don’t get colors like this? — The customizable “Action Button" has been a detriment to my iPhone Pro experience due to its placement. I keep hitting it when I think I’m pressing the volume-up button, because it's been in the top spot since forever. Apple put this button in a shitty fucking spot, and I wish they would have resolved that. But NOPE! Because this is Apple we're talking about. They stuck with that shitty fucking butterfly keyboard on MacBooks even after people complained and it wasn't until they started losing sales that they finally did something about that. — LOL! The new A18 chip name skips over A17 (which was used in the previous 15 Pro models) because marketing is dumb. — The display is still 60Hz? In the Year of Our Lord 2024?!? That is so frickin' embarrassing in a phone this expensive. It's the biggest flaw in an otherwise excellent phone.

• Apple Intelligence: ZOMG! CRAIG! WE LOVE YOU, CRAIG! I am leery of AI, including the Apple-branded "Apple Intelligence.” I think so much of it has been developed and utilized in ways that are pretty shitty. That being said, it sounds like Apple is going to at least try to protect your privacy and have some personalized features which rely on the Apple Ecosystem to be useful. I will likely not be using AI for my writing though. At least not initially. I’d rather something come from me rather than a computer interpreting me. I do like the idea of using AI to help sort through my bazillion photos to find what I am looking for though. That is a useful and smart implementation of AI. As is the summarization of an email in the message preview, which is very useful given that most people have no idea how to get to the fucking point. — Siri has been stupid for far, far too long, so it’s nice that it looks like the tech will be worthwhile now (hopefully it will spill over into Apple's HomeKit crap). — The "Visual Intelligence” demo to get info on stuff you see looks amazing, though I laughed my ass off when the guy ASKED FOR PERMISSION to take a photo of that dog, which is more than AI companies do! They don’t generally give a shit about permission, and just take whatever they want! — I am not commenting about “Genmojis" because I’m embarrassed to admit how often I will use this feature. — Not that any of this matters. None of this will be available until October sometime. Why Apple didn't delay their big AI-laden phone until the AI is actually available is likely due to hitting a calendar ship date to make shareholders happy. Screw the customers... it's the shareholders that matter. A strategy that worked awesome for Sonos!

• Camera Control: Absolutely shocking that non-Pro customers are getting this without having to wait a year like they usually do for Pro features. Anyway... I am one of those people who uses my iPhone for photos more than anything else. Making/receiving actual phone calls is WAY down on the list. So of course I’m always thrilled when new camera features are added. The new “Camera Control” has been a long time coming. Apple is taking ideas from DSLRs and I am totally here for it. This is an absolute game-changer for people who want more control when taking photos, but are tired of missing shots because you have to open a bunch of crappy menus to get to what you need.

• iOS 18: Messages via Satellite is intriguing to me. But I am not hearing about how much it costs? It used to be free with the purchase of an iPhone, but it always sounded like they would charge after a year unless you got a new iPhone. No mention of this?

• iPhone 16 Pro: Yep. There’s the "Camera Control" button. Nice. — Larger more durable display. Nice. — AND HERE WE ARE... boring, dead, shitty colors. Yet again...

Faded Black, Snot Smear, Dingy White, and Unhealthy Urine Stain. Exactly what I've come to expect. Not even a "Forest Green" or "Dark Blue" this time. And of course no vivid or saturated colors that I'd want. This is so fucking disappointing year after year after YEAR. The good colors are only ever available on the cheaper phones. What the fuck is the thinking on this? People who pay more money for their phone don't deserve nice colorways? — HA! Only a 15% speed bump over the phone I have now? Ummm... wow. At least it’s using 20% less battery for the 15% performance bump that I'll never notice, so that’s something, I guess? — But, hey, faster AI performance. I guess that's what Apple thinks is a priority now.

• iPhone 16 Pro Photography Extras: The ultra-wide-angle/macro camera is better, but it remains to be seen if that translates to photos which are actually better. So many times Apple professes that the new hardware will make for better photos, but you just don’t see it in real-world use, only in specific situations and conditions. Apparently the sensor reads are faster to reduce lag as well. No mention about any improvement to low-light photography. No mention about the selfie-camera. No mention about any fusion photo upgrades (except what will naturally come out of a slightly faster processor). — I do very much like the new real-time color-grading, which will help me make good decisions when composing a shot. And it sounds like you can apply this after the fact, which is awesome. — The video features are all great, but I don't shoot much video, so I likely won't benefit from these cool new features (including the awesome "Cinematic SlowMo")... especially the fact that you can adjust the speed after you shoot! Nice! — The audio recording improvements will likewise be lost on me, but I guess it's good to have that in those rare instances I shoot video.

• The Weeknd!: These real-world use cases that Apple unloads almost never apply to everyday iPhone users given the expensive gear that's needed on top of the high cost of the iPhone Pro needed to actually do this, but it's so great to see what is possible. Especially with this banger track from The Weeknd!

• MagSafe: Ooh! Looks like Apple users are finally getting a MagSafe speed bump that might be on-par with what other phones have had for a while now! Which is nice if I ever needed, but I always charge my iPhone overnight and the newer models have such good battery life that I don't worry about it. I often get messages that my phone isn't charging at full speed to help the battery because it knows I just leave it on the charger all night.

• Case Study: I've never had a third-party case work as well as what I can get from Apple so I don't even bother any more. And the addition of Camera Control almost guarantees that third-party will continue to be worse than anything you get from Apple. Fortunately we're at least getting three options that aren't total drab, boring, morose shit...

I will probably end up with "Ultramarine" because the yellow is not even a touch golden. Which is a shame, because a golden yellow case has always been one of my favorites...

Maybe I'll look at the case at an Apple Store to see if it's a little more golden than it appears on their site. Assuming I bother using the iPhone Upgrade Program to trade up. This may be the year I hold onto my phone a year and get to actually own it come September 2025! Depends on the use-case of the camera... because I likely won't bother unless the photos are better and "Apple Intelligence" is pitifully slow on my iPhone 15 Pro Max.

• Project(NOT-RED): I have to say... I am beyond disappointed that Apple seems to have ended their partnership with Project(RED). No (RED) Watches or Bands. No (RED) iPhones or Cases. No (RED) anything? Maybe Apple doesn't care about fighting AIDS any more? Maybe they will start to care if people start dying from it all over again because the cost of treatment keeps exploding and newer generations aren't taking good precautionary measures to not contract it?

And that's a wrap. Interesting, but nothing so essential that I am dying to upgrade. Especially given the color situation. Good Lord is Apple shoveling colorways that are even worse than they usually are! Nothing (RED) or even bright and hopeful is available for any product I would be interested in! Booo! BOOOOO, APPLE!