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‘Merican

Posted on Monday, September 3rd, 2012

Dave!Several years ago a chef at an upscale restaurant asked me what kind of cheese I wanted on my fancy sandwich. I said "Oh, I dunno... American is fine."

I got yelled at. "AMERICAN IS NOT A REAL CHEESE! IT CAN BARELY EVEN BE CONSIDERED A FOOD!"

Which was confusing, because the American cheese I always buy says "cheese food" right on the label.

But even so, I was embarrassed for having been so classless and ignorant as to have asked for "American cheese" on a sandwich, so I stopped eating the stuff. Instead I started buying cheddar cheese at home and always asked for cheddar, swiss, or whatever "real" cheese was available when eating out.

Because I'm classy and smart like that.

But then the recession happened and I started buying groceries not based on what I wanted, but what was on sale. If it isn't on sale (or I don't have a coupon), I don't buy it unless I absolutely have to.

And last week it was Kraft brand American cheese food that was on sale...

Kraft Deli Deluxe American

I had forgotten how much I absolutely love the stuff. I don't care if it's chunks of cheese that's been blended with fat, milk, and artificial chemicals and crap... it's creamy, delicious, and melts over a veggie burger like a dream. So now I'm undergoing a kind of "American Cheese Renaissance." I'm eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And snacks. I can't help myself.

And now I'm keeping an eye out for a sale on White American...

Kraft White American

I'm not trying to sound racist here, but I'm thinking that White American is probably better to eat than "regular" American because it won't have any stuff in it to make my insides turn orange. Unless... you don't think that they add bleach to American to make it turn into White American? That wouldn't be a good thing at all.

And now a piece of sad news concerning a black American... Michael Clarke Duncan, a wonderful actor I came to love in his role as Leo Knox in The Finder, passed away this morning at the age of 54...

Michael Clarke Duncan as Leo Knox

Such a horrible loss. Michael Clarke Duncan was a truly amazing talent who could steal any scene with one flash of his million-dollar smile... or one word from his wonderful voice... which means that he stole every scene he was ever in. And I can't overstate my love of his character on The Finder. Leo Knox was achingly real while still being endlessly entertaining. I always hoped that the cliffhangers left when The Finder was cancelled would be wrapped up in an episode of Bones, where the show originated. But that will probably never happen now. How could they possibly wrap up anything without Leo? I'm just crushed. Rest in peace, Mr. Duncan, your work made me very happy at times I needed a little happiness, and I will miss you.

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Categories: Food 2012, Television 2012Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Geekytaitai says:

    I realize that it usually isn’t possible for you to travel NE of ATL, but it is always MrGTT’s policy to have Kraft Deli American Cheese Slices on hand in our fridge. He wouldn’t feel American without it!

    I’m very sad to hear that Mr. Clark passed today. I’ve been a fan of Stephen King’s writing since I was 16. My mom sent me “The Green Mile” books for my birthday — way back when. Mr. Clark portrayed his character exactly as I had envisioned when I read the books.

    Remember when he won his Oscar? He wanted to give it away. Such a fine man, and I’m sorry he’s no longer with us.

  2. Foo says:

    That is Phister’s favorite style of Kraft cheese, he loves the deli deluxe stuff. I must agree, because he makes the best damn grilled cheese sandwiches ever. I hate when restaurants use cheddar for grilled cheese, it’s too greasy.

  3. MCD will definitely leave a hole in the acting community, not only with his on screen roles, but in the voice over department too! He voiced many cartoon characters and even Kilowog in Green Lantern. So sad. My family will miss him.

  4. Sad about Michael Clarke Duncan.. he was pretty cool.. :(

  5. LeSombre says:

    My latest cheese love is Beemster. ;-)

  6. the muskrat says:

    I found out about his death from your FaceBook update on my phone after flying home from Dallas. Sad. Loved his sense of humor in “Talladega Nights” (something I had yet to see before that role)!

  7. B.E. Earl says:

    American cheese singles are just so…easy. We always have a package of them in the fridge for burgers, egg sandwiches or whatever. I probably wouldn’t order it in a “fancy” restaurant, but at home? Why the hell not?

    Never caught The Finder, but I’d heard great things. FOX, right? They are great for putting on an interesting show and then not supporting it. See The Human Target. Loved that show.

  8. Kailyn says:

    All I could think after hearing about Michael Clarke Duncan’s death was that now we’ll never see anymore of The Finder again. Because yeah, even if they bring it back in some way, it won’t be the same without him.

  9. Jim says:

    I always figured “cheese food” would be like “cat food” — food, yes, but meant to be fed to cheese.

  10. Sarah says:

    I haven’t had cheese in so long I can’t remember what American cheese tastes like. But now all I want to do is eat cheese. CHEESE.

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