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Bullet Sunday 260

Posted on Sunday, December 11th, 2011

Dave!I'm sitting here watching television when it suddenly occurs to me that I haven't blogged yet today. Since Bullet Sunday was late last week, I'd better get a move on...

• Closet! And so we can add Rick Perry to the list of political assholes and religious nut-jobs who are most-likely closeted homosexuals. Why give a shit about the sex lives of consenting adults unless you've got serious sexuality issues of your own that you're working through?

Perry's disgusting new ad attacking brave men and women in our armed services is nothing more than pathetic pandering to a dwindling segment of homophobe voters. As if that weren't enough, it's also a gigantic pile of bullshit. Still, I'd love to see the outtakes from that shoot...

I'm not ashamed to admit that I exploit Christianity for political gain!
RICK PERRY: Not the Mormon guy, got it.

By attacking servicemen and women who are risking their lives on my behalf, you'd think that I'd have just a little bit of shame, but I don't!
Wasn't he in the Air Force? You'd think he'd know better...

Don't be shocked by this massive dildo I keep in my pocket. Overcompensating for my voracious appetite for cock by attacking homosexuality can only get a closeted gay like me so far!
So THAT'S what he was digging around for in that pocket!

• Flash! And so this happened...

Lindsay Lohan Playboy Cover

Which isn't really a big deal considering Lindsay Lohan doesn't display her downstairs business in the magazine, but has flashed her cootchie all over town for free...

Lohan Coochie

In her Playboy shoot, Lohan decided to pose dressed up as an absurd Marilyn Monroe impersonator and be air-brushed beyond recognition, so I guess that's something. Or whatever.

• Whitened! When I get offers to endorse products on my blog, I always refuse so that when I do endorse something people will know it's for reals. And I gotta say, Colgate's new OPTIC WHITE toothpaste is certainly worth endorsing. It may taste like crap, but it actually works...

DAVE APPROVED: Colgate Optic White

Dave's White Teeth
BEFORE OPTIC WHITE is on the left. AFTER OPTIC WHITE is on the right.

If you want whiter teeth but don't want to waste time with a whitening kit or pay tons of money for professional whitening, you might give Colgate OPTIC WHITE a try.

• New 52! Now that I'm three months into DC's "New 52" company-wide reboot, I'm still reading 35 of the 52 books. My guess is that this will drop to 30 by year's end, but that's still pretty remarkable. I would have never imagined that I'd like over half of these books considering I was buying only a dozen DC titles before the reboot.

Justice League New 52

If you'd like to see my scorecard for all 52 titles, I've put that in an extended entry...

Here's where I'm at right now with the DC New 52, having read the first three issues of each title (the books in red I'm dropping).

Justice League Titles...
Pretty much a home run. All the "big" characters (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash, Aquaman) are off to a good start.

Batman Titles...
Nobody loves Batman more than I do, but this is just too much fucking Batman. By diluting the character with all these ridiculous spin-offs, DC is killing the unique specialness of the character... especially with half the books being average or worse. Instead of watering down Batman, why not resurrect The Brave and The Bold to put him in a team-up book if you want more Batman on the shelf?

  • Batman. [A] LOVE! This is everything a Batman comic should be.
  • Batwoman. [A] Exceptional. Gorgeous art and compelling stories.
  • Birds of Prey. [B+] Came in with zero expectations and am really enjoying this title.
  • Batgirl. [C+] Started with a bang and some promise. Now petering out.
  • Nightwing. [C+] Despite some really horrible moments, it's a decent read.
  • Batman and Robin. [C] Painfully average. Bring back Morrison and Quitely!
  • Detective Comics. [C-] Something about this book bugs the crap out of me. Not really enjoying it.
  • Batman: The Dark Knight. [D] Lame stories with bad art. Truly awful Batman.
  • Red Hood and the Outlaws. [D+] They've ruined Starfire utterly and completely. Unforgivable.
  • Batwing. [F] So bad. Adds nothing to the Bat-Family of books.
  • Catwoman. [F-] Fucking awful. Sex without substance.

Superman Titles...
I've always liked Superman, and the reboot has given me more to like. As with Batman, I wish we had a Superman team-up book in the mix, because the old DC Comics Presents title was a lot of fun.

  • Action Comics. [A] Superb. It's a reboot, but it's respectful to the source material.
  • Supergirl. [B+] Really like this book. Supergirl feels new and exciting like all these books should.
  • Superman. [B] A mixed bag. I'd probably like it a lot better if Perez was drawing as well as writing.
  • Superboy. [B-] Liked him better when he was Superman as a kid. Enjoyable but not groundbreaking.

Green Lantern Titles...
In all honesty, the Green Lantern mythos has just gotten way too complicated. With Red Lanterns, Yellow Lanterns, Orange Lanterns, and all the rest (not to mention the myriad of Earth-bound Lanterns) I've kind of been soured on the whole concept.

Young Justice Titles...
So many of these books are just so mind-bogglingly average. They're small in scope and low on the really great comic book moments that define a book.

  • Legion of Super-Heroes. [B-] As a huge Legion fan, I wish this was knocking my socks off. Still fun.
  • Teen Titans. [B-] An entertaining book that keeps getting better.
  • Blue Beetle. [C+] To me, Blue Beetle is Ted Kord. This is a readable substitute.
  • Legion Lost.[C] Not really the Legion I love, but a pretty decent book.
  • Static Shock. [C-] Not a bad book, just not interesting to me.
  • Hawk and Dove. [D+] Sub-par super-hero book with boring stories.

The Edge Titles...
The way that the Wildstorm Universe has been shoe-horned into the DC Universe is kind of lame. They weren't that great of characters to begin with. The sole exception being The Authority which grew out of Stormwatch... but the relaunch adds a badly misplaced Martian Manhunter and it doesn't really work. There were some nice surprises in the other titles, but not enough.

  • All-Star Western [B+] A total surprise. Very well-done, and I don't even like Westerns!.
  • OMAC. [B-] Very different, but in a good way.
  • DC Universe Presents. [B-] A pretty good take on Deadman in a very readable book.
  • Stormwatch. [C+] A mediocre take on some of my favorite Authority characters.
  • Suicide Squad. [C] Getting better, but not really fast enough for me. One more issue to sway me.
  • Grifter. [C-] Just not a fan of this character even though the stories are okay.
  • Deathstroke. [C-] Has strayed so far from the character I know that I can't enjoy it.
  • Men of War. [C-] Not exactly "bad"... I'm just not into war comics.
  • Voodoo. [C-] A horrible first issue gets only slightly more interesting.
  • Blackhawks. [D] Too many plot points make no sense. Really lazy.

The Dark Titles...
A folding of the Vertigo titles into the mainstream DC Universe that actually works. I was pleasantly surprised by the majority of these titles, and half of them are books I most look forward to each month.

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  1. Invader_Stu says:

    I’ve started to realize over the last few years between playing the Batman games, picking up a few of the comic books and (in the last few weeks) starting to re-watch the animated series that I might be a bit of a Batman fan myself. It kind of crepted up on me.

  2. the muskrat says:

    Poor Rick Perry. Someone told him that video would be a good idea, and he listened.

  3. Did you see the meme I found yesterday? I put it up on FB, but you’re a busy guy so I don’t know. Good ol’ Rick is wearing the same coat as Heath Ledger was wearing in Brokeback Mountain. Subliminal much??

  4. Sybil Law says:

    Rick Perry – Ultimate Douche.

    Lindsay Lohan – Delusional Skank.

    However, I’ll totally try the Colgate! 🙂

  5. martymankins says:

    Bullet Sunday Comment List:

    Rick Perry – asshole and disgusting and hateful individual. May his campaign finally implode over this last move of crap.

    Colgate Ultra White – I will try this. I use the white strips, but not that often since it’s another thing I have to remember to do each morning. And I find that I never remember.

    Aqauman – you know my adoration of this Justice League member, so it’s awesome to see it get an A grade from you.

    Batman – Keeping it simple is the best way for this character to be taken seriously. I mean, seriously, this doesn’t bode well if they keep doing all of these off shoots that fail.

  6. Mind Of Mine says:

    I loved the Lindsay Lohan shoot. I think she looks great. All PB shots are airbrushed.

  7. Avitable says:

    Did you notice that Rick Perry is wearing the same jacket as Jake’s character in Brokeback Mountain?

    I disagree with you on most of the 52 titles, but I’m actually considering dropping all comics and only picking up the occasional trade.

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