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Saltine

Posted on Thursday, September 8th, 2011

Dave!My favorite foodie treat is a glass of Tropical Punch Kool-Aid and a plate of saltine soda crackers with butter. There are very few things that can top that. Maybe chocolate pudding, but I always think of that as more of a meal than a treat.

Whenever I mention my love of Kool-Aid and crackers, most people immediately label me as uncultured and uncivilized. Once I was even told that it sounded "white trash," which is what I get for mentioning it at a fancy wine and cheese party.

Kool-Aid Man

For a while there, I stopped drinking Kool-Aid and eating soda crackers in an attempt to "grow up."

But when I was at the store the other day, I decided that enough was enough and I should eat what I enjoy instead of worrying about what other people think. So now I'm back to being "white trash" again which is fine by me. They're a better class of people anyway. Probably because they don't try to embarrass someone over the food they like. Or the car they drive. Or the job they work. Or the clothes they wear.

And this got me to thinking.

What is it with people who feel the need to crap all over others for something which has no bearing on their lives whatsoever? I can take good-natured ribbing as well as anyone, and that's fine. But when people are just being mean and dismissive I don't understand it. What do they get from humiliating and belittling other people? Does it really make them feel so much better about themselves?

It reminds me of the time I was on a cruise and overheard somebody making fun of a couple who were assigned a cabin on a low deck. Never mind that the cabin might have been all the couple could afford after saving their money for years to take their dream vacation... somebody felt the need to shit all over their happiness for no reason at all. I guess it was too difficult to find common ground and be happy that everyone was on vacation and having a good time. Or at least trying to have a good time.

There are people out there who are just plain mean and hurtful. I don't know why I find it so difficult to accept that.

A part of my doesn't want to know.

Which is fine, because right now I've got a plate of crackers and a glass of Kool-Aid that deserve my complete attention.

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Comments

  1. I love your point about the couple with the cabin on the lower deck. Hell, I’ve never even been on a cruise. Who the fuck cares?

    Also – jesus, we are from the same era. Saltines with butter and Tropical Punch Kool-Aid!!!!!! Now I’m hungry . . .

  2. Mel says:

    I say whatever makes you happy. These days I’m more likely to use Kool-Aid as a fun wool dye, but I bet my insides are still red from all I drank as a kid.

  3. Sybil Law says:

    Ooooh, man. I know exactly what you mean, and good for you for eating what you like!!
    My friend’s husband is this way – hell – she’s a little like that herself, if she would just admit it. It’s so weird to elevate yourself on some higher level than other people, because you think you’re some expert on all things wine and food. And clothes. And cars. And etc, etc.
    The best part is, these people (and really – I know more than just one couple) aren’t even millionaires!
    Just millionaire wanna -bes, who want everyone around them to think they’re millionaires.
    I most feel sorry for them, but at times they’re positively nauseating and pathetic.

    • the muskrat says:

      You’re totally right about this. If you read “The Millionaire Next Door,” you’ll see most people who are at that level don’t live such that everyone knows it.

    • Dave2 says:

      What’s odd is that I personally know two millionaires. They both live fairly extravagant lifestyles and get to do things that I can’t even dream of. But here’s the thing… at no point have I ever, ever seen or heard of either of them belittling others for not being wealthy. So I think you’re right… it’s the wannabes that do this because it gives them the appearance of being rich.

      How incredibly sad.

  4. I love Kool-Aid! We usually have the sugar free version here because the kids are diabetic, but still, SCORE for being able to have kool aid on hand 24-7!

    PS- Matt & Kim will be in Tampa on 9/24. I’d go, but it’s HHH’s birthday and we have plans already. The way you talk about them makes me want to brave Blink-182 just to see them.

  5. even as a kid i never liked kool-aid. but i do so love me some buttered saltines. yum.

    but back to you. fuck the haters. word.

    • Dave2 says:

      When I was younger, I was optimistic and thought that eventually all the haters would die out. As I get older, I can see that they are actually multiplying. If definitely puts a damper on my enthusiasm for life so, yeah, fuck them.

  6. whitenoise says:

    Graham crackers and diet pepsi here.

    As far as put-downs- ever watch a pack of dogs playing? They play-fight, growl, nip and herd eachother, jockeying for position, trying to establish a pecking-order. It’s not always about size or ability, sometimes the most domineering dogs are small and not all that capable. People do this verbally, but really it’s not that different.

  7. Megan says:

    Some people are simply too miserable to let others be happy. Enjoy your snack!

  8. Mary Sue says:

    When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.
    —C. S. Lewis, “On Three Ways of Writing for Children” (1952)

  9. martymankins says:

    It appears there is a growing populace that wishes negative on others, mostly to help themselves feel better about their life. Which isn’t how I was taught growing up. I want more common ground in building others up.

    I’m glad you stated that pudding was a meal and not a snack because I was going to have to question your “maybe chocolate pudding” line. OH YEAH!!

  10. kapgar says:

    I’ve never tried butter on saltines but my heaven is fairly similar when I use peanut butter on saltines. I could eat an entire sleeve of PB saltines. Mmmmmmm!

  11. the muskrat says:

    I felt like that when I first entered the work force and would introduce myself, and I’d get asked about hobbies, so I’d say I liked attending college football and NASCAR. I worked at IBM on a team of transplanted Michiganders who were older than me, so they’d look at me weird or (one asshole) insinuated I was a redneck (I’d just graduated from U of Alabama, which didn’t help). So, I started lying and saying I was into golf and tennis, which I’m not.

    After a few months, I realized this was stupid and changed my standard answer to “I like redneck sports, like college football and NASCAR!” It was easier after I got an ally there at IBM: my friend from high school and college; his name is Jim Bob.

  12. B.E. Earl says:

    Here’s a question. What brand of saltine crackers do you like? Because I love them too, but I’m not a big fan of the Saltine brand of saltine crackers. I prefer the Premium saltines, which I think are made by Nabisco. They have the best burnt-ish bubbles on top. And oh-just-the-right-amount of salt. I love me some Premium saltines.

    • Dave2 says:

      I didn’t know there was a “Saltine” brand. At the store I always have a choice between Premium and generic, and have always bought the Premiums. Though, I have to say, I’m a little pissed that their bags are really tough to open neatly and they don’t put those little red wire-closures so you can keep your crackers fresh! Premium has a new version called “Hint of Sea Salt” that I just love… since there’s already salt in the butter, this is just the right amount.

  13. Christopher Stogdill says:

    I’ll be drinking Kool-Aid for years just on the supply I have at home. I used to have probably 2000+ Kool-aid packets, but I gave everything but my favorite two flavors away to a family with a bunch of kids.

    I bought so many because I was getting them for free….and for a while even getting paid to take them. The store I worked at was selling them 10/$1 for a while and a competing store, with much higher prices, had some factory coupons that were $1 when you bought 10 packages.

    For a while my store was doubling the coupon, so I was getting paid $1 to take 10 Kool-Aid packets!

    They are a good 8 years old at least and a bit dried out/crystallized, but Kool-Aid is “after the bomb” food. You cannot make it and drink immediately, but if you let the Kool-Aid sit in the water for a while and then stir it, it will dissolve.

    I think I’ll go make some more right now….

    • Dave2 says:

      When I moved into my current place, I found packets that had to be 5 years old. As you say, they were clumpy pellets instead of powder, but tasted perfectly fine. It’s nice to know after a nuclear strike that Kool-Aid would be around to keep the cockroaches company!

  14. Cyndy says:

    Have you ever added a little bit of strawberry or raspberry jelly to the butter. AWESOME!

  15. Sarah says:

    I have never had saltines with crackers. I bet Vahid would like it. He would butter butter if he could.

  16. Lisa says:

    I love saltines and butter! I can’t eat chili without having those too. Now I want some.

  17. Foo says:

    I went through a several month phase when I was very sick my junior year of high school where I only ate saltines and drank Hawaiian Punch. I still crave both even years later. As for Kool-Aid, we were definitely a Kool-Aid household. First the add your own sugar packets, then the pre-sugared tubs. Kids now bring packages of uncooked ramen to school and they break them up in ziploc bags and mix the ramen pieces with sugared Kool-Aid. I’ve seen it on many jr. high and high school campuses.

  18. KaraB says:

    The fact that people make it a point to pick at what they see as someone’s flaws just shows their own insecurities. I used to be painfully shy so I still kind of take things like that to heart, but I’m working on it!

  19. Tracy says:

    I love saltines with butter! My hubby thinks I’m crazy, but I adore them. I don’t know if this was a southern thing, but when I was growing up I remember many restaurants putting out a basket with crackers & butter when we were first seated. I miss that dadgum cracker basket!

  20. Poppy says:

    I love Saltines with butter… SALTED butter.

  21. apricoco says:

    Your saltines and butter is my matzo and butter. It’s like a big saltine, only crispier. It makes me so happy that I could eat one right now, wait, I am going to eat one right now! Thanks for the idea Dave!

    I do however think that Kool-aid is not my thing, but you rock on!

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