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Posted on Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

Dave!I didn't get to bed until around 2:30am this morning, so I had it in my head that I would attempt to sleep-in until at least 7:00am. This plan was foiled when iPhone decided to beep with a text message at 6:30am. It was Bad Robert saying "Ever have to poop but not want to get out of bed? This is America. We should have a solution for that."

This lead to a texting debate as to whether it would be cheaper to develop the "Bed Toilet" or simply hire a maid to clean up after you each morning. I was firmly in the "Bed Toilet" camp because I can't fathom paying somebody to clean my poop from the sheets. Bad Robert says he'd wear diapers to avoid embarrassment, which speaks volumes for his mindset on such matters.

Dave's Dream Bed
This is my dream bed, obviously.

Now, you would think that coming up with the toilet bed would be the highlight of my day.

But this afternoon I got an email with photos from a friend-of-a-friend's wedding in New York. One of the images was of the groom and groom holding up the wedding invitations I designed for them. They looked incredibly happy. And the fact that I was a tiny part of making that happen had me walking on air.

For about ten minutes.

Then I was looking through my news feed and ran across presidential candidate Rick Santorum being a complete and total asshole. Again...

“States do not have the right to destroy the American family. It is your business,” Santorum said. “It is not fine with me that New York has destroyed marriage. It is not fine with me that New York is setting a template that will cause great division in this country.”

Then I look back at a photograph of two guys on their wedding day with smiles as big as the world on their faces.

They're not "destroying" anything.

They're not the ones "causing a great division" anywhere.

They're just living the American dream by pursuing happiness. And they're doing it without hurting anybody. It's piece-of-shit Rick Santorum that's causing a great division in this country. He's the one destroying marriage by thinking so little of it that gay matrimony could possibly have any effect on it.

The only person "destroying the American family" here is Rick Santorum.

Which, of course, means that he loves cock.

Santorum Loves Cock!

Why else would he so vehemently attack the gays if not to distract people from the fact that he's craving a big ol' cock sandwich? As history has shown us again and again and again, those who lash out the hardest against homosexuality are those people who end up being homosexuals.

But whatever.

Because two guys in New York who love each other very much are starting a new life together.

To them, Rick Santorum's self-loathing hater idiocy doesn't mean shit.


  1. Sybil Law says:

    Boys are soooo gross. Pooping in the bed. Geeez.

    However, none of that shit (pun intended) is more gross than Rick Santorum and his vile hatred. He is a giant turd.

  2. Sarah says:

    I bet the invitations you made were amazing!

    I think that might be Vahid’s dream bed too.

  3. i love that you were a part of a celebration. since i am never getting married you don’t have to worry about me bothering you for wedding invitations. we both know i bother you enough for other stuff. 🙂

    santorum used to be a pennsylvania senator….used to practice law here in pittsburgh. i am SO BEYOND NOT PROUD of his stance on homosexuality and marriage. awful.

  4. martymankins says:

    Can’t wait to hear the story of how Santorum gets caught. Bathroom stalls are so 3 years ago. Maybe he will secretly marry his gay lover that he’s been keeping hidden.

  5. Dave2 says:

    I just got an email with this attached…

    Santorum Deep Throat

    • Megan says:

      And we’re back… now that the money stuff is out of the way for five minutes we can go back to that great GOP pastime, peeking into people’s windows and getting all up in their personal business.

      But got forbid we pass a few regulations on huge corporations that pollute the air, chew up and spit out the middle class and don’t pay taxes.

  6. Christopher Stogdill says:

    OK, first of all…that pic needs to be on the front page!

    2nd…ever hear of a chamber pot? Instead of pooping in your bed you can poop off to the side. Hell, get a bedpan and you could actually poop in bed.

    $50 and your bed pooping dream could come true.

    • Dave2 says:

      If it had a steering wheel, it would deserve to be on the front page permanently!

      Thanks for the link… but who is going to drop by every morning and empty that bedpan?

  7. It drives me absolutely nuts every time I read some asshat claim that gay marriage will be the end of humanity. How exactly will the gay couple down the road getting married impact my daily life one bit?

    Fucktards the lot of them. Er, not the gay couples, the right wing wackos I mean.

    • Christopher Stogdill says:

      That’s my thoughts on the subject. I’m not pro-gay any more than I’m anti-gay. This just doesn’t really register on my give-a-crap meter.

      Do I want to see two dudes making out on the street. Hell no, but I don’t want to see a hetero couple doing that either (not a big PDA fan).

      Now if you could prove that gay anything has a negative impact on my life, then we can re-evaluate.

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