"We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful" —Morrissey
As I was exiting from high school in 1984, I thought that all the wisdom in the world could be found in lyrics of songs by The Smiths. When their second album, Meat is Murder, was released, I was sure of it. I found disturbing truths in their music and, even though they sang from a perspective of being British, the underlying messages were universal and transcended any single nationality...
Back in those heady post-punk movement days, there was a growing concern over teen suicide as the music they listened to grew darker and darker. I remember an episode of some teen-based drama television show (probably 21 Jump Street) had a storyline specifically saying that listening to music by The Smiths was a warning sign that your kid could be suicidal. I had a good laugh over it at the time, because I was of the opposite opinion. I was firmly in the "truth will set you free" camp, thinking that the revelations in their music were a beacon of light in the darkness. But I was young, stupid, and drunk most of the time so what did I know?
In 1987, The Smiths broke up. At the time, it felt like my world was ending. But the tragedy was short-lived, because lead singer Morrissey released a solo album (the magnificient Viva Hate) just months later. Far from "going commercial" and dumbing down his music for the sake of selling records, Morrissey instead turned things up a notch. And continued to turn things up a notch in his follow-up albums like Kill Uncle, Your Arsenal, and Vauxhall and I).
Morrissey is still alive, kicking, and making music... his latest album, Years of Refusal, was released just last year. But, even though he's just as brilliant and relevant as he's always been, it's his past efforts that have had the most impact on my life.
And continues to do so.
This morning I was privy to an email conversation where somebody was bemoaning the fact that one of their best friends has gone on to be successful while they've been mired in failure within the same profession. It started as an observation but, as things progressed, became a rant of not-so-veiled jealousy. You see this type of thing all the time. And whenever I do, I can't help to be taken back to 1992 when Morrissey's Your Arsenal dropped with the insightful track We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful...
We hate it when our friends become successful.
And if they're northern, that makes it even worse.
And if we can destroy them, you bet your life we will destroy them.
If we can hurt them well, we might as well, it's really laughable.
You see, it should've been me.
It could have been me.
Everybody says so.
Pretty much what everybody thinks in those kind of situations, but rarely says. At least not out aloud. And yet Morrissey does. Because he can. And because it's the true.
When I first started studying Buddhism back in 1998, one of the first things you learn is how wishing bad things upon others only ever harms yourself. I honestly believe this to be true. Which is why I really don't hate it when my friends (or even enemies) become successful*. And yet experience has taught me that this kind of thinking will offer little comfort to most people.
Which is why, thanks to Morrissey, I know exactly how to respond when the occasion arises...
"They must be destroyed, of course. It should have been you."
*Unless they become successful at my expense, of course.
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Oh yes being jealous is such a bore. I myself am in no way ever jealous when people I know do better than me, mostly because I’ve had Zo mUCh daMn pRacticE…!
Well, practice does make perfect! Which is why I am so sublimely perfect right now…
I completely agree. Some people get sooo jealous that it starts to eat at their very being. Their self esteem gets so trashed, which leads to bitterness and generally someone who really DOES start living their own self fulfilled philosophy of sucking. It’s an ugly cycle.
Not that I don’t get jealous from time to time. I do. At those times, i really have to a) look at how I AM and how I have it pretty good; and b) how in other ways, their lives kinda suck. But I am happy for my friends when they succeed.
It’s a downward spiral that’s really hard to escape from. Kind of difficult to not go there in the first place, but once you start it gets easier in time.
I´ve chosen the middle of the road on this topic meaning both bitter envy and happiness for other peoples success at the same time 😀
The Smiths were amazing. Still listening to them frequently. Later in life Morrissey has been too much of a goofball to pass imho.
Really? Seems like he’s mellowed quite a bit. 🙂
Those damn northeners!
Hey, Washington Staters are used to being hated!
I only know one The Smiths’ song…”Asleep.” I listen to it whenever I’m sad and desperately alone…YAY!
“Sing me to sleep, I’m tired and I want to go to bed. Don’t try to wake me in the morning, cuz I will be gone.”
Give a listen to “Every Day is Like Sunday”… it’s beautifully dark and one of my favorite songs ever!
The Smiths were pretty much the soundtrack to my teenage years. I had all the albums on vinyl, posters on my wall, t-shirts. You name it. To this very day they’re one of my favorite bands of all time. Good lord I would probably have a heart attack if they reformed to do a reunion tour.
Despite everything ever said by everybody involved in The Smiths that it probably will never happen… I secretly hope and pray for a reunion tour on almost a daily basis!
The Smiths were part of my mid-80’s music fandom. The clever, but very insightful lyrics were easily memorized. Only saw them once in concert (1986), but between all of the cassettes I had of their’s, it was the studio music that kept me going.