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Tool

Posted on Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

Dave!I'm a firm believer in using the right tool for the job. Or, if you're Tiger Woods, using a firm tool for everything.

The problem is that entirely too many people are taking a Darwinian slide towards gene pool elimination because they can't understand this simple concept. Not a day goes by that I don't read about some moron using the wrong tool for a job and then acting all surprised when things go terribly wrong. My current favorite being the guy who decided to clear a pile of leaves off his lawn by blasting a shotgun into them at point-blank range. It's a perfectly good idea... unless the leaves in question are piled on top of an industrial strength metal well cover.

Oops.

Certainly a shotgun is a lot more fun than using a rake. And I'm sure there are a lot of great uses for a shotgun that I'm simply not imaginative enough to think of. I'm just saying that, in this particular case, it's the wrong tool for the job. My microwave can boil the fuck out of a cup of water, but that doesn't mean I'm going to start smelting steel in there.

Anyway... as far as examples go, it couldn't be made much clearer than this ad I ran across this morning...

Elizabeth Hurley plastered with TOTALLY FREE DATING! JOIN NOW!

Yes, that's the incomparable Elizabeth Hurley... most beautiful woman on earth and goddess of all things good and decent in the world. Some shitty dating site saw her glorious visage after running a Google Image Search, rightfully determined that her ravishing aesthetic would be perfect for attracting lonely computer nerds, and stole her exquisite form to make a crappy (but very, very sexy) web ad.

And, while this may indeed be a good tool for the job at hand once legalities have been forgotten, it's not entirely realistic.

Elizabeth Hurley has about as much interest in helping computer nerds get a date as George Lucas has in making a decent Star Wars film after Empire Strikes Back. You'd have a better chance of getting struck by lightning while bananas spontaneously shoot out of your ass then miraculously transform into kittens in mid-air. Though, if Elizabeth Hurley's lawyers get ahold of the people who are illegally using her to endorse TOTALLY FREE DATING, the resulting prison experience would probably make the whole lightning-banana-kitten-out-your-ass scenario seem like a picnic with the cast of Sesame Street.

So... not so much the right tool for the job after all, once legalities are factored in.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to try and get some sleep while I've got Elizabeth Hurley and bananas running around in my head.

Damn.

I wonder if that TOTALLY FREE DATING site really works?

Comments

  1. Aaaaaand now, I have the image of banana-eating kittens shooting out of Elizabeth Hurley’s nostrils.

    Yep, haven’t had my coffee yet.

  2. Hilly says:

    Woah, there’s some totally false advertising for you! Trust me, no one on the dating sites is that damned hot and those geek boys would be lucky to see someone half that cute on there.

  3. i can’t stop giggling about asses and bananas and kittens and picnics with the cast of ss. way to make my day, dave. thanks for that!

  4. bo says:

    Oh, Revenge of the Sith wasn’t THAT terrible!

  5. Sybil Law says:

    Man. You’d think they would get into trouble, using her image like that!

  6. hdw says:

    I’m still hung up on the bananas/kittens stuff.

    But Elizabeth Hurley is HOT.

    I’m, like, 97% straight and I’d give it up for her. Rawr.

  7. Jason says:

    Great site that you have here man. I’m a first time visitor, but I’m very impressed. I have a site as well, one for guys only. It’s a relatively-new site, but I just wanted to inform you about it. I’d like to exchange links with you, to help spread some traffic around between each other.

    If you’re interested, please leave a comment under the “Resources for Guys” page when you’ve linked guysdothat.com to your blog and I’ll return the favor under that page.

    Keep up the good work man. I hope you can check out what we’ve got for you so far.

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