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Posted on Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

Dave!The day started off with an interesting twist... the hot water heater in Dutchy's house went kaput. The ladies managed to track down a hot shower for themselves (use your imagination here, heaven only knows I did), while I volunteered to stay behind and take a cold shower. So as to spend as little time as possible being chilled, I devised a plan whereas I would hose myself down, suds myself up, then rinse myself off.

It was a good plan. At first. Hosing myself down wasn't too bad, as it only involved a few seconds of contact with the icy water. Sudsing myself up was equally trivial. Where things went terribly wrong was in the last step.

Because it takes considerably longer to rinse soap off than to put it on.

And the entire time I was standing under that freezing stream of water... I could Not. Stop. Laughing.

Which probably made a terrific impression on Dutchy's neighbors, hearing a guy laughing hysterically while in the shower (let's hear her try to explain THAT one away!).

What finally made the laughter stop was when I looked down and saw the my once-magnificient pooferflargen had shrunk to the size of a peanut. There's just nothing funny about that.

Fortunately, Dutchy's cat was nonjudgmental on my plight...


But the morning's adventure in shrinkage was all made worthwhile when Dutchy made my wildest fantasty come true... her and Penelope took me to a snack bar so I could get some frites met mayo...

Frites mit Mayo

But the awesomeness did not stop with the fries and mayo.

It was taken to the Next. Level.

Because I was able to also have a cheese sandwich as well. A cheese sandwich made with "Old Cheese." Beautiful, sexy, tasty, aged Dutch cheese. On a roll. That looked like this...

Old Cheese Sandwich

While I looked like this...

Dave Eats Potatoes with Mayo and a Cheese Sandwich

Then, after a lunch so delicious I achieved orgasm, we went wandering in the local shops so I could make fun of the native products. I think this one speaks for itself...

Douche Creme

Unless you're familiar with the French language, in which case it seems perfectly sane.

But if you are not familiar with the French language, you may be wondering how much more hilarious a product name could get than "Douche Creme."

I'm glad you asked...

Douche Oil and Douche Scrub

I can't quite decide which one I like best. There is a case to be made for both Douche Oil and Douche Scrub. But there was no time to debate the merits of these douchey products because Bitchsterdam was at hand, and we had to head up to Amsterdam. Where we ran across a new batch of elephants! Including this beauty...

Elephant with monster smileys!

... on the way to the Hard Rock Cafe...

Hard Rock Cafe AMSTERDAM!

Where an amazing group of people consisting of Mr. Geeky Tai-Tai, Geeky Tai-Tai, Bra-Dutch, The Dutch Bitch, ME!, and The Lady Penelope got together for a wonderful night of food, drinks, and a lot of laughs...

Bitchsterdam Group

Despite all that, there was still time for my Jägermeister habit to corrupt the innocence of Penelope's seasoned wine-loving palette...

Jäger Shots and Red Bull.

Lady Penelope love Jägermeister

Dave and Penelope Drinking Jager

All-in-all in was a wonderful evening at the Hard Rock Cafe...

Hard Rock Cafe Sign

Because I was the luckiest bastard on the planet this night, as I got to go back home with THIS...

Dave with Dutchy and The Lady Penelope!

All my thanks to The Dutch Bitch, for hosting such a fantastic event!


  1. A. Lewis says:

    I swear, those Europeans have had Douche Creams for YEARS….I remember is back in the early 1980s long before we had it here in the US. And, please, let’s not remark any longer about the size of our thingys……

  2. Poppy says:

    That food looks sooooooo good.

    And Bitchsterdam looks like it was a lot of fun.

    I am very jealous I couldn’t be there with you all…

    HI KITTY!!!!!

  3. Jeff says:

    Looks like you have a great day there, Dave!

    You lucky(est) bastard!

  4. whitenoise says:

    You have the best social life. 😉

  5. love those elephants!

    looks like one hell of a gathering! how was the hard rock itself?

    and now i want fries with mayo for breakfast. i rarely use ketchup on fries so it pleases me greatly to hear how much you love them with mayo as well. (all my friends make fun of me for using mayo on fries, but the haters won’t even try the damn things.)

    tell me more about this cheese…

    • Jeff says:

      “how was the hard rock itself?”

      Yikes! It’s quite forward when people like hello haha narf inquire about the status of your pooferflargen.

      It just shows she cares.

  6. Mad William says:

    Hey Dave

    Just had to say hi. You’re in one of my favorite places, and not just for the pot. Hope you’re having a great time.

    Please tell Penelope I said hello.

    Travel safe.

  7. Steve says:

    I love your puerile sense of douche-humor. Couldn’t you find a douche bag? Maybe in the camping department?

    Steve in NH

    P.S. The Germans say “douche” too. And the construction is reflexive: “I must douche myself.” Barely stopped laughing long enough to sign up for German II.

  8. I love Amsterdam! You’re having so much fun – and always surrounded by beautiful women! Thanks for the great pics.

  9. Avitable says:

    I’m so glad I got the chance to meet DB at ConFab, because who knows if I’ll ever get across the pond.

  10. martymankins says:

    Going home with two women… and not just any two women, but Penelope and Dutch Bitch? Damn, you are a lucky bastard.

    Looks like a lot of fun. Guess I need to get my passport one of these days so I can join in the fun for next year’s Bitchsterdam.

  11. Kelly says:

    Fries with mayo! One of my favorite things.

    Now I have a serious craving, thank you very much!

  12. Douche scrub sounds really… ouch. And? Your new nickname is “Sexy Cheese.” Seriously.

    I’m so glad you had a great time, hon!

  13. (Private) says:

    Hopefully Marty Mankins got some…

    Probably not, but iss allgood.

    Yeah, tell you something: did an Internet search for lincoln shitting and nearly lost my mind.

    I guess he was just as honest about taking dumps.

    Well this is the best god damn blog I’ve seen in my life because of this.

    Keep up the good work, boys!

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