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Posted on Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

Dave!Today I paid $6.49 for a bag filled with two cups of slivered almonds. The shock still hasn't worn off, because that's nearly $16 per pound. By shopping online, I could get the exact same thing for $6 per pound. This sounds like an incredible bargain, except shipping and handling charges end up being about $10 which means I'm right back where I started. Things like this drive me insane when I think about it, so I am very careful to turn off my brain when I go to the grocery store. Apparently everybody else is doing the same thing, which is why everybody is wandering around in a zombie-like haze.

This is a good plan, assuming you turn your brain back ON when you get to the parking lot.

Today I found out that most people do not do this, resulting in zombie drivers...

DAVETOON: Zombie Driver

This was made clear to me as I watched two cars gunning towards the exit at the same time... each completely ignoring the lanes painted on the pavement. It was quite distressing because I was in the proper lane to exit the parking lot, which meant I had cars coming at me from both sides.

The first car arrived on my right. The driver was apparently very impatient, because they honked their horn at me while I was looking to make sure no traffic was coming. This caused me to become instantly enraged for two reasons... 1) It was unnecessary and rude. 2) I WASN'T THE ONE WHO WAS IGNORING THE TRAFFIC LANES!

I reached for my gun, but then remembered that I subscribe to Buddhist precepts which forbid me from owning one, so there was no gun to be found.

So instead I ignored the asshole and exited the parking lot. Which was just as the second car arrived on my left. This caused another round of honking as two cars... both ignoring the traffic lanes... attempted to exit at the same time. To make matters worse, a car arrived wanting to enter the parking lot, but couldn't get in because the two cars were blocking her. I didn't stick around to see how it all worked out. For all I know, they are all still there honking at each other.

It is getting to the point where I hate... hate... to drive anywhere because it's wall-to-wall dumbasses everywhere you go. Everybody seems to have their brain turned off, and so it's just not fun (or even safe) anymore.

So you can imagine how thrilled I am to be making the three-hour drive to Spokane tomorrow.

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Categories: DaveLife 2009, DaveToons 2009Click To It: Permalink


  1. christie says:

    god people are dumbasses

  2. Our closest grocery store makes it even worse by providing the right of way to cars entering the parking lot. Somehow the people attempting to leave don’t understand this, so they get all ticked off and often try to murder me when I’m entering. They also try to murder me again when I’m yielding right of way to those entering while I’m heading out.

  3. jessica Torres says:

    aww… that is true.
    today a car hit mine while i was parked in the parking lot, and
    of course i didn’t get back to the car for like 2 1/2 hours
    after i’d originally parked it.
    bad drivers suck!

  4. A Lewis says:

    I couldn’t agree more….stupidity (drivers or otherwise) has always been my problem…they get me so worked up…well, at least they used to. Now I just make fun of them, giggle, point, and look at them like they are the dumbest most stupid things on the face of the earth. And they are.

  5. Sybil Law says:

    Oooh – I LOVE almonds, but they *are* expensive! I eat them all the time, though – yum!
    And your trip today sounds like my daughter’s school every single morning at drop off.
    This year, I really need to learn to deal with it better, because it would make me all stabby.
    Or maybe I should just carry a knife. Hmm…

  6. Ren says:

    It sounds like you might need to move to London. 🙂

  7. Robin says:

    Your post is exactly why I am estatic about NOT being in the insurance industry anymore. I spent 5 years trying to explain to these morons WHY they caused accidents (or why it wasn’t ok to hit people with their cars and leave the scene, or why it wasn’t cool to get drunk, lose control of their car and crash into houses with people sleeping inside, then try to leave the scene because the “devil made them do it…”). The stupidity (and fraud) is astounding.

    The next time someone pisses you off in traffic, sic Zombie Dave on them to set them straight…..

  8. People need to chill the fuck out, ya know? Bad drivers give me a rash.

  9. Stacey says:

    Bad drivers are going to give me a stroke one day. For example, every single morning I feel the need to yell at the drivers that cut me off on the ramp to the highway. I sit very patiently in the turning lane with my left blinker on, waiting for oncoming traffic to pass. The bad drivers will “forget” to use a turn signal to try to get a head start onto the ramp. I then turn as well, knowing that they have the yield sign on their side. Which means nothing, because when they see me coming, they gun it and swerve out in front of me. I’m pretty sure that is NOT yielding.

  10. martymankins says:

    Driving in Utah, this a regular occurrence. Although the scooter helps since it’s smaller and I can move out of any asshole’s way so they can continue to exercise their impatience without any motorized obstruction.

  11. Kirsten says:

    I think there’s a rule about parking lots that says the rules of the road, such as stay to the right, obey stop signs, and don’t do 40 across the empty parking spaces don’t apply. It’s like a free for all in parking lots.

  12. carlos m. hernandez says:

    Yup, I know exactly how mad it makes you when someone honks at you while they ignore the rules.

    I had a car honk at me while making an illegal U-turn out of a cloverleaf exit because I was in the lane they were trying to merge into ahead of them. This moron had to turn back and go against oncoming traffic to get to the side of the road I was on. Never mind that I was there because I’d waited patiently in line for the traffic to move and exit the proper side of the cloverleaf. Grrrr.

  13. Sinjin says:

    These people remind me of the Zax in the Prairie of Prax. (Dr. Seuss) They wouldn’t budge for anyone.

    That book also contained the story “Too Many Daves”!

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