Thanks to everybody who sent me e-cards and kind notes over Elizabeth Hurley's wedding today. Thirty-six of you were nice enough to send your condolences, which was a bit unexpected (that's more people than usually comment on an entry!).
In an act of sublime selflessness, I wish nothing but the best for the happy couple. If Elizabeth Hurley is happy, then I'm happy... I love her that much. I mean, it's not like I am wishing for a building to fall on her new husband or anything. I'm sure he's a terrific guy, and I'm glad she found him. I suppose I could sit around hoping that Arun Nayar gets attacked by a pack of wild hyenas, but what would be the point? Elixabeth Hurley has made her choice (misguided as it may be) and I will just have to live with it. Best of luck to the happy couple!
Okay, maybe I don't wish "the best" for them... that's a little much. But I do wish that good things come their way. Just because Elizabeth Hurley decided to marry a guy who is not me doesn't mean that she should be cursed with unhappiness the rest of her life. Does it? Maybe he's not perfect or anything, but he seems nice. So good luck you two!
Alright, you got me. Being completely honest here, wishing "good things" for Liz and Arun is probably a stretch. How about I just send happy thoughts with no well-wishing at all? Sure Elizabeth Hurley just made the biggest mistake of her life, but it's not really her fault. If she had ever met me, she would realize that I was the perfect guy for her... but since she had the misfortune to never even know I exist, well, it's hardly appropriate for me to be wishing Arun fall down a well or something. That would just be wrong. He doesn't seem like the nicest of guys, but I'm sure he's not too bad.
Okay... okay... okay... sending "happy thoughts" is probably going too far. Because doesn't Arun Nayar look like a total bastard? I've never met him or anything, but doesn't he just seem completely wrong for her? He's probably a puppy-kicker. Yep, I'll bet when he sees a puppy he kicks it as hard as he can just because he likes it. And the perfection that is Elizabeth Hurley just married him in an unholy union that will wreck havoc throughout the known universe. Why should I wish anything "happy" for their marriage when there's nothing happy about it? We're all doomed.
OMG! What has she done? RUN LIZ! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! YOU JUST MARRIED A PUPPY-KICKING ASSHOLE!! Oh the humanity! I suppose I'll just have to hope that Liz manages to break free of Arun Nayar's evil spell before something horrible happens... like her sleeping with him. Oh! Oh! Oh! That would be just terrible! Like the worst day ever! Is it too much to hope that Elton John has a gun in his purse and will destroy the Ultimate Evil that calls himself "Arun" before the incomparable Elizabeth Hurley is lost to the world forever?
Gee... I hope that nothing happens to the plane that is taking Elizabeth Hurley and her new husband to India. It would be just terrible if it crashed and Arun were to perish while Elizabeth Hurley were to miraculously escape completely unharmed. Yeah, let's all hope that doesn't happen.
Ahem.
Speaking of pure evil on earth...
I finally got to sleep around 2:30am. Most of my work was finished, and I simply couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. So guess who decided to come calling three hours later and wake me up? That's right. THE EVIL GEESE FROM HELL ARE BACK AGAIN!
Just look at the cheeky bastards all honking and riled up! Clearly minions of the devil.
And to make the entire situation even more scary, their numbers keep increasing. At first there were a dozen... then around 26... then about 40... NOW THERE ARE 67! SIXTY-SEVEN!! And I realize people think I am exaggerating here, but I'm not. There were so many of them that I had to take a panorama of seven pictures and then stitch them together so that all of the little bastards would fit into the shot...
Click on the image to enlarge. WARNING! May frighten small children!
(you will have to scroll to see the whole thing)
Between Elizabeth Hurley getting married and the startling increase in the goose population, can the Apocalypse be far behind? I'm telling you, geese are going to take over the world.
I, for one, welcome our new geese overlords.
Back to work...
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I’m actually more afraid that you took the time to COUNT THE GEESE in the picture!!
At any rate…the casserole offer still stands. 🙂
Ha ha! Dave, this is another one of my favorite entries in recent times. I was rolling.
My condolences as well. I’m quite sure if Ms. Hurley met you, she would realize the error of her ways.
And even tho’ you’re a vegetarian, I still think that Anthony Bourdain’s reaction when he got hissed at and semi-charged by a goose in Seattle (while filming a show there)was priceless.
The goose came at him, and he was all:
“F*&K you!! Shut up! I’ll force feed you til your liver explodes and then I’ll EAT YOU!!”
Well, at any rate, it cracked me up. 🙂
“Is it too much to hope that Elton John has a gun in his purse and will destroy the Ultimate Evil that calls himself “Arun?” before the incomparable Elizabeth Hurley is lost to the world forever?”
That would be awesome!
Ah, Dave, you always make me laugh.
Well, good, I’m glad you’re okay with everything.
It’s a Hollywood marriage. She’ll be available for you before you know it.
arun and elizabeth have the same cheeks and jaw line. it’s weirding me out.
67 geese! seeing is believing. 🙂
Because our office sits on an open patch of the Mississippi, we always have 50-100 geese wandering around. It’s not the honking and loitering I mind, it’s the millions of land mines I have to dodge every time I get out of my car. Yuk!
Canadian geese are a blight. They poop, they cause our lakes to be contaminated so we can’t even enjoy them in the summers, and they honk.
Hey, they’re honkies. Off with their heads I say.
“Is it too much to hope that Elton John has a gun in his purse”
Dying! Dave, you kill me.
Rats with wings. Kill them. Kill them all! I mean… I’m sorry about Elizabeth Hurley and all, and I’m sorry I didn’t send a card or an email. But I did see the news about this a few days ago and didn’t think about you so I guess I’m OK and normal and shit.
Has Arun got false hair ? He’s not probably a puppy-kicker, he’s probably a puppy-kicker with puppy hair !!! 😀
Anyway… I wish you a good day of work ! 😉
Celeb marriages fall apart all the time. I’m sure that when Liz finally meets you, she’ll see her error in judgment and work to correct it immediately.
Until then, hang in there!
I just got on the computer and saw the wedding article and ran right over to give you a big virtual huge. how dare she? Does she not know what she’s missing? I mean, really!
I’m sorry she was so mean to you, Dave. We’ll get her. I promise!
It was probably for the best. Imagine what it would be if you married her. You´d have to wait around on different sets all the time having way too much time for blogging. That would lead to me looosing clients due to neglect because I would spend too much time here.
This way you can date her when she wants some fun and her facade holds because she´s seen with Arun enough to blow smoke in People [Magazines] faces. Instead of worrying about sneaking maids with cameras and big fold out bags with secret pockets.
I´m just sayin
I think those geese are a ruse.
One of them is clearly a decoy fitted with surveillance equipment monitoring your every move. If you zoom the image to 1600x you can just see “ARUN ENTERPRISES” in tiny print stamped on it’s butt. Bet if you move around on your porch you’ll see it moves with you.
I’d watch out for this Arun guy. Could be equally fanatic. 😉
Seriously Dave, you sound like you need less coffee, or rather less Coke w~lime, and a good night sleep… you’re working too hard… starting to have hallucinations… I count only 66 Goose Overlords!!!
RMB
Kapha may be on to something and I agree that the geese thing could be an Arun conspiracy. Watch out for “feathered friends” and don’t get near them.
I hope Arun’s father doesn’t hire a drunk driver in Paris to try and get Mrs. Hurley away from paparazzi.
She needs to get back together with Hugh Grant so that my wife can feel miserable as well.
If she married George Clooney, that would be even better.
2 geese are enough to gross me out – that picture of 67 is revolting! My sympathies!
Adena… I am a total math whiz. I can, like, count to 67 in no time!
Diane… Of course she would! I’m ME after all! 🙂
Adena… Geese are aggressive creatures, and once you’ve been chased by a flock of them, you won’t mind if they’re eaten… even if you don’t do the eating yourself.
Stacey… Elton is a cunning bastard… don’t let the wig and glasses fool you.
Karl… Yes. I’m above such petty rivalries like that.
Avitable… Yes. If she knew I even existed, I’d be clinging to that. 🙂
Ms. Sizzle… At least they are in the back yard instead of attacking me in the parking lot. I hate it when that happens.
Jeff… And it’s in long disgusting streaks that makes it even more difficult to avoid. Bleh.
Bogup… Yes… honking and pooping are about all they do. They are on this earth to be annoying. And eat small children.
RW… This is very disturbing. You obviously have not been indoctrinated into the Church of Daveology yet. I take comfort in knowing that one day soon you will see Elizabeth Hurley and think “Dave” just like TRUE “normal” people do.
Laurence… It would not surprise me at all, though this does not bode well for their honeymoon. 🙂
Claire… Are you offering to make an introduction then?
Margalit… WE’LL get her? No, no, no… I’m not sharing her with anybody! You will have to get your OWN totally hot celebrity babe! 🙂
Göran… Elizabeth Hurley is like, a millionaire or something. I think the last thing I would do if I were married to her is worry about work. Keep your eyes on the tabloids though… when you see that blurry image of a “mystery man” in Elizabeth Hurley’s life, that will be me!
Göran… Maybe.
Goran… Okay, probably not.
Kapha… Well… you really can’t blame him… it IS Elizabeth Hurley, after all. How could one not be a fanatic?
borysSNORC… HAH! I just double-checked! There ARE 67 goose hellions in that shot! I dunno, maybe you need the original hi-res image to see them all though…
Bogup… It’s entirely possible. Those geese do hang around quite a lot now that you mention it.
Yellojkt… You are a BAD BAD MAN! Elizabeth Hurley belongs to nobody but for me!
Bre… Yes, geese SHOULD gross you out. If they don’t, you are obviously evil as well! 🙂
how do i get sent a meme?
If after meeting me, she’s still only into men, then sure. 😉
Condolences dude. Actually I forgot to mention that my brother met Liz Hurley two weeks ago. There was a film festival on in Dublin and she hosted a party.
I figured when I saw that yesterday in the news that you probably needed a BIG KISS and some squeezing. Though that if I came in here and did all that, you’d only run and yell for Shane 😛
Sorry about Liz and her big mistake. What could she possibly be thinking? I suppose she might have been woo’d by his tantric love making or something trivial like that or perhaps his depths of spiritualism or enlightenment. Who cares if he is hung like a horse, I mean MY GOD!?! What has the world come to?
As for the geese? Welcome to our hell. Yes, indeed, they are taking over.
So did the Technorati tag “Unholy Union of Elizabeth and Arun” exist before or did you create it?