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Posted on Friday, March 2nd, 2007

Dave!Eyes... won't... stay... open.

It occurred to me as I approached my 16th hour of work today that I need a new line of work. Preferably a career that doesn't exceed an eight-hour work day... with a three hour-work day being optimal.

Perhaps being absolute ruler of a small country might be a good job for me...


I'm thinking a typical day would include making sweet love to super-models, watching television, playing video-games, partying with foreign heads of state, walking amongst my adoring subjects, and dedicating statues, libraries, museums, buildings, and other stuff that has been named in my honor. And in-between all that I'd make time to fly off to exotic locations and visit foreign leaders so they could bask in my presence (and give me cool presents).

Sure being the exalted ruler of all I survey would be a 24-hour job, but I'd manage somehow. Probably by delegating all the boring stuff to my lackeys.

Hmmm... I have 287 blog entries stacked-up in my webfeed reader, and around 40 emails to read. That wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have at least another two hours of work ahead of me (and eight hours of television on my TiVo).

I wonder how I go about getting a lackey to read my blogs and reply to my emails for me. Is that something you can get on eBay?

Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. delmer says:

    You may have to outsource the blog reading to someone offshore.

    As for the e-mail answering, I have a teenage niece who can keep six IM sessions going at once — answering your e-mail in a timely fashion should be a snap for her.

  2. ms. sizzle says:

    i am an excellent multitasker, email writer and blog reader and am looking for a new line of work

    just saying. .. 😉

    i really think it’s classy that you would be making “sweet love” to the supermodels. you’re such a gentleman. heh.

  3. yellojkt says:

    If you had that job, what would Prince Ranier do?

  4. Avitable says:

    Doesn’t the monkey do any work for you?

  5. RW says:

    Pick me! Pick me! I’ll do that stuff for you in exchange for just one of your small, warm provinces!

  6. Karl says:

    I’ll gladly answer all of your hate mail. I don’t get nearly enough myself.

  7. ChillyWilly says:

    See, and I got all envious of you being a graphic designer and being able to call your own shots for work.

    Guess I’ll go back to my 14 hour days as a network admin. 🙂

  8. Tracy Lynn says:

    The key is in not advertising for a ‘lackey’. You need to look for a ‘personal assistant’. Means the same thing, but is somehow more palatable to job seekers. Better yet, ‘intern’. Like a ‘personal assistant’, but unpaid.

  9. Bre says:

    Man! In my quest to find a personal assistant I never imagined that I’d be able to make them my blog reader, too! 🙂

  10. Kyra says:

    Just wondering if you caught the headline that Elizabeth Hurley got married yesterday. (

    What would the name of your country be?

  11. Rick says:

    Interns, Dave, interns. They’re like personal assistants, but you don’t have to pay them. Plus, you can torture them endlessly without worries from the ASPCA or Child Services.

  12. Hilly says:

    I’d be happy to answer your hate mail for you. Oh what a joy that would be!

    Yanno, now that I am a big baller recruiter again, I can find you that supermodel ogling gig ;).

  13. Bogup says:

    I’ll tag team with Karl to answer your hate mail. I’d grid the messages into minuscule pieces then forward their email addresses to some “friends” in Russia and Indonesia from where they would then receive “enlargement” spam and credit card offers from Ebay. I promise they’d never write to you again, even birthday greetings or condolence messages.

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