When asked to describe Blogography, the words most people tend to use are "strange" or "weird". A typical quote I run across is much like this one from Nikki: "kind of odd, but very entertaining". Basically, people find Blogography to be crazy-insane, and often-times don't know what to make of it (even though they may visit regularly). So, despite the fact that I said I would never change my blog to make others happy, it seems kind of rude considering how many people leave nice comments and write me nifty emails.
With that in mind, I've decided to make my blog more like other blogs. That way, maybe visitors will be more comfortable when they visit and won't be all weirded out. But where to start? Perhaps I should cruise random blogs and pick five areas of improvement I can work on? Let's give that a try.
PART ONE: RENTERS!
It seems like most blogs I visit now-a-days have something called "renters". And it doesn't end there... blogs that have renters are forever begging people to click on them.... "Please click on my renter" they say. "Go visit my renter" they plead. "You should click on my renter" they demand. Alrighty then, I'll get me a renter:
My renter is DOOCE because heaven only knows she needs some of my sweet traffic numbers. And she's probably one of the few bloggers that could afford my outrageous rental fees. So please click on my renter. Click it now. Go ahead, just click that little picture. Why are you still reading this when you should be visiting my renter? Hey! Seriously, CLICK MY RENTER! DO IT! DO IT! CLICK IT NOW, BITCH!! CLIIIIIICK MYYYYYYY RENTERRRR!
In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that Dooce isn't really renting anything here. But I like to think that she is. And here's how I fantasize the conversation would go...
DOOCE: (picking up phone) Hello?
DAVE: Hello Heather, this is Dave...
DOOCE: Wait a second... THE Dave? BLOGOGRAPHY DAVE?!?
DAVE: Yep, that's me. I'm going to start renting space on my blog and...
DOOCE: (squeels) OMG! You mean I won't have to entice my child into doing crazy shit so I can attract new readers? I can just pay money to get traffic from Blogography?
DAVE: Sure! And it's bargain-priced at only $10,000 a month!
DOOCE: Sign me up! (covering phone mouthpiece with her hand) JON! JON!! PUT THE BABY DOWN, JON! YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL LETA HOW MUCH FUN IT IS TO STICK PAPERCLIPS IN ELECTRICAL OUTLETS NOW! WE'RE JUST GOING TO RENT SPACE AT BLOGOGRAPHY TO GET MORE TRAFFIC!!
PART TWO: ADS!
I must be one of the last people in the entire blogiverse who has yet to put Google Ads on their site. Much to my surprise, whoring yourself out for Google payola is a quick and painless process which took me all of twenty minutes to apply and be approved for...
Now I can beg for readers to click my renters AND my ads! This is actually good news, because if my bandwidth bills keep going through the roof, I may just have to start putting ads on my blog. It's something I've never wanted, but the monthly shuffle between four different hosting servers to ensure the site keeps running is getting a little old.
PART THREE: TIP JAR!
Speaking of begging, it seems quite a few blogs have tip jars. Though why anybody would want to pay for the crap I write here is completely beyond my ability to comprehend...
What I really love are those sites who beg for cash when they are lucky to write once a week. Or how about people who ask for cash and totally suck? I am a bit surprised at why some sites have tip jars at all, and have to wonder if they honestly think that people will want to give them money for posting pictures of their hamster and writing about some boring conversation they had with their tax attorney. I dunno... maybe people do pay money for that. All I know is that unless it's a blog that's better than other paid entertainment (or contains gratuitous breast nudity), I can't imagine tip jars being worth the effort.
PART FOUR: QUIT!
I haven't threatened to quit blogging in quite a while now. I've seriously considered it a few times, yet there was only once that I was confident it was going to happen. But a random run through the blogosphere shows a shocking number of blogs that haven't been updated in months... some haven't been updated in years. So it would seem one of the most popular ways to make my blog more like other blogs is to quit writing in it. And then, after a long hiatus, bloggers always start out their next entry with "I haven't written here in a while——" which I find hysterical, because it sounds as if they think their visitors are incapable of reading the date. Oh well. In many ways I actually envy people who quit blogging... they obviously have much cooler stuff going on in their life than I do, and much better things to occupy their time.
PART FIVE: SONG LYRICS!
It seems that I am never lacking for some crazy crap to write here and, for better or worse, I try my best not to copy content from other blogs, the news, or whatever. The furthest I've gone has been movie quotes and memes. But if a bunch of song lyrics is what it takes to be more like other blogs, then I'll go ahead and put some in an extended entry.
"MERCY IN YOU" by DEPECHE MODE
You know what I need - When my heart bleeds
I suffer from greed - A longing to feed
On the mercy in you
I can't conceal - The way I'm healed
The pleasure I feel - When I have to deal
With the mercy in you
I would do it all again
Lose my way and fall again
Just so I could call again
On the mercy in you
When here in my mind - I feel inclined
To wrongly treat you unkind - I have faith I will find
The mercy in you
I would lose my way again
Be led hopelessly astray again
Just so I could pray again
For the mercy in you
When here in my mind - I have been blind
Emotionally behind - I have faith I will find
The mercy in you
There! Now that my blog is like all the other blogs, do you feel more comfortable?
Really?!? Cool. Hey, whatever I can do to make YOU happy...
I love comments! However, all comments are moderated, and won't appear until approved. Are you an abusive troll with nothing to contribute? Don't bother. Selling something? Don't bother. Spam linking? Don't bother.
The reason I read your blog is mostly because it is so unlike all the other blogs out there. Keep up the great work. Oh, and the Zombies Ate my Brain t-shirt compliments my eyes nicely. Thank you.
I think the Blog is perfect as it it. I read it everyday to keep up with the latest from my good chum.
Keep it as it is!!
It’s about time you made this page more like the masses. I reckon you’ve been slack.
All you’ll see
The Buddha taught to lay down those things that lack a real abiding essence. If you lay everything down, you see the truth.
If you don’t, you won’t.
That’s the way it is.
And wisdom awakens within you, you will see the truth wherever you look.
The truth is all you see.
lol.. that’s pretty funny.
i wonder, how long does it take you to make images like that? i mean, you’re scaring me.
Therese… I’d imagine that the Zombies shirt looks fabulous on just about anybody because it’s so cool. But it’s nice to know that it is complimenting somebody in a GOOD way! That’s hard to do with any apparel which has a dead monkey drawn on it.
Ref… We’ll see. This month is very close on bandwidth. I’ve blown through three of the hosting servers I have available, and am very close to exceeding my allocation on the fourth. If I blaze past, then that means ads are probably inevitable. I simply cannot afford the hundreds of dollars this site eats up each month.
Undisciplined… Thanks! I did it just for you, because out of all my 100,000 weekly visitors, it’s you I like best. 🙂
EDDIE… Ah, love me the beauty of an enlightened thinker! HOWEVER, the sad truth is that The Buddha never had to pay $500 in bandwidth overages! If I were to set THAT aside, I’m pretty sure there won’t be anything TO see at all when you visit blogography.com! 🙂
aiRah… The DaveToon with the tip jar?? Hmmm. About 7 or 8 minutes maybe? I already had most of the elements saved from previous DaveToons, all I had to draw was the jar. It’s only when I have to draw everything from scratch that it takes more than 10 minutes to “draw” the things in Adobe Illustrator.
ha ha, I am not sure what caused this explosion, but I like it!
You forgot one thing: an Amazon wish list, that you mention every couple weeks so people can buy you books and movies and stuff. Other than that, I think you’ve got it all covered.
Seriously, though, I say go for it with the ads. If I had to spend hundreds of dollars a month for bandwidth, I’d sure do it, too. And with your mad design skillz, you’ll be able to integrate them w/o detracting from the blog itself. Just my two cents…
Dave, I do not think your blog is weird. I think it is unique, imaginative, filled of humour and worked (because, to make posts every day of this quality requires times, much of work). We think that it is simple. But simplicity is worked (la simplicité se travaille).
Confidence : I read others blogs but there is only in your blog that I comment on. Why ? There is perhaps a force around your blog… as planets which revolve around the sun. Ton blog est attractif, voire fédérateur (gravitational or even federator). It rallies people around your observations. Your blog retranscribes your thoughts. And if you are odd, then all the planet is odd.
Even if, sometimes, we do not agree with you (it is rare), les goûts et les couleurs ne se discutent pas (the tastes and the colors are not discussed).
Me, in any case, I love your blog as it is.
You’ll also need to go with a generic sort of template – yours is much too easy to read and navigate!
But generally, you’re delightful on your own.
Wow! You okay, Dave? You sound a little… er… bitter?
Well, I don’t think I’ve done much of that stuff. So you can keep visiting me if you want someone who is just as behind the times as you are. Come and knock on my door. I’ve been waiting for you…
Dave, we love you and the blog just the way you are… you are the sunshine in our lives, you make us happy when.. ahem, excuse me. I’m lovin’ my Zombies shirt too : )
Man, the emails you must get to inspire these posts….
I don’t get Dooce. I know she’s wildly popular but 264 comments over a picture of a shoe? What’s going on there?
i do so love the depeche mode.
um, people who quit blogging lead empty meaningless lives. don’t you go being mistaken my friend.
Thanks! These changes do make me feel more comfortable. Now if you’ll just exchange your awesome graphics for some clipart, you’ll really be in business.
I’m scared. And a little self-conscious. I kept thinking “oh crap, he’s talking about me.”
See what you do to a girl? You make me all crazy-like.
Now go freaking click on my renter. NOW.
Gee, Dave, I feel almost like you’re poking fun at me. Except I don’t have song lyrics so I guess I’m just being paranoid.
Please, oh please, do not conform and become like other blogs. You are beautifully unique and I love it. Don’t make me have to whoop your butt NY-style. What I HATE about other blogs is that they are all becoming like those Gossip blogs that just tear celebrities to shreds. While I love to rank on a celeb every so often, some bloggers use it as ALL they do. Ack. Oh, and if I thought people would send me money, I’d have a Save Eve tip jar up in 2 seconds.
Whyya gotta say what I want to say, a day earlier than I think about the topic, and much better than I would?
Hmmmph. A great blog dude!
Thank God you have song lyrics now. Will you be adding any Morrisey soon? I hope so.
In other news, congrats on being the highest rated humor blog on http://bloglaughs.blogspot.com where you BEAT Dooce. And me. God, I hate ranking blogs.
Hey Dave – Perhaps you should have called this entry “Rant”.
FWIW, I read Blogography because I find your perspective alternately interesting and amusing. (Amazing how you keep that alternation going!) That and the monkey cartoons.
Also, I know it’s a different thread, but I find it interesting that Cashmere has its festival at the same time as Pride Weekend, thus making me think that the flag in your original design should be rainbow.
I only read one blog. Yours. So I don’t know what anyone else is like..
Oh Dave, it’s hard out here for a pimp, er, I mean blogger, isn’t it? Well, keep up the good work and I’m sure those of us who love your blog would put up with a few Google ads if that’s what it takes to keep it going.
Why change? If it isn’t broke…I like coming here because it’s different. It’s very cool.
Clearly, I need to take and post that wet T-shirt pic in my kick-ass new Bad Monkey shirt I’ve been living in all weekend to justify my tip jar. Noted.
It’s forward-thinking people such as yourself that are the TRUE blog-pioneers! Of course, you would then have to rename “tip” jar to something else…
But what would that be?? 🙂
Gosh, if this rant is anything to go by I’m guilty of pushing so many of your buttons *blushes* Ah well, I guess it’s pretty difficult to please dave so its best not to worry.
lol posting photo’s of family pet is about 99% of my blogs content.
Yes, but in your defense… Eddie is a great dog! 🙂
Toss up a picture of a house pet, and one of those little banners across the corner of your blog, and it’ll be time to start bleating!
Dave, seriously dude–we love you just the way you are (that’s song lyrics! Feel the hep cool Billy Joel vibe?). We do. Honestly.
I can’t afford $25,000. Is $24,831 ok?
Dave, don’t you know how much money people make off of Google Ads and Tip Jars?? Gosh I mean, how else am I going to pay for my monthly piece of gum or buy those delicious crunchy crackers? Hmm?
Now, GO CLICK ON MY RENTER, bitch.
dave, dave, dave… you’ve got it all wrong.
You aren’t supposed to put song lyrics, you are supposed to put a little music video that plays on the side that you can’t get to shut up, and make sure it’s a really loud and annoying song too.
When I describe your blog, I say “Well, once he did this thing with Lego and there was this Lego dog called Barky…”
And, well, let’s be honest…the only reason I read this blog anymore is in the hope that Barky will one day return. Possibly in T-shirt form.
i must say i much prefer the non-conformist dave. 🙂
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m only here for the pictures…ARTICLES, I MEAN ARTICLES.
Dave, you forgot to put up a timer with little fairies and flowers on it to tell us when the baby is due, and when Junior’s birthday is. Oh, and pictures of your kitties. We need LOTS of pictures of cute kitties. With glitter captions. And blinkies. Many many blinkies.
Oh man, I’m SOOOOO guilty!
I’m guessing I should have put more thoughtful consideration into the description of your site…
“This is a reflection of the life of Dave…he loves Coke with Lime and Crunch Master crackers, and provides brilliant commentary on popular culture at its best (and worst)”?
Didn’t mean to offend, Dave. Have any preferences as to what your description should read?
Your description is great… I actually really like it. It made me smile when I saw it, because I know a lot of people have similar thoughts. 🙂
That’s a relief, haha. I went into my stat counter this morning and almost had a heart attack when I saw the number of pages viewed…I thought maybe my address got confused with a porn site? People must have been so disappointed to see multiple pictures of my cat and random lists of songs from my playlist. 😉
I suppose a thank you is in order…So thanks Dave, for the 400% increase in my site traffic!
Whenever people ask me why I read your blog (most recently because of the t-shirts), I go into a weird little trance as I replay some of my favourite posts… When the slap/bucket of water/foghorn in ear brings me out I just cop out, “It’s genius, just read it, you’ll love Dave and his monkey… Give me your hand, I’ll wirte the URL down… Oh, is that permanent marker? Well, at least you won’t lose the address… haha”
I did consider the BlogExplosion renting thing but they wouldn’t let camel in… Sob…
It’s posts like this that make me proud to say, “I met him! I MET HIM! In real LIFE!”
Usually, it’s helpful if that person knows you, Dave, so I probably shouldn’t have said it to the meter maid. But I said it. And I want credit.
Also, it’s almost time for an inappropriate comment from me, isn’t it? I’m working on it. Right after I quit laughing from this hilarious entry.
Hmmm… well, I’m not THAT exciting a guy to meet, so all I can think of is that maybe it’s time you switched to decaf?
The most traffic I think I ever got was when I was a novice blogger trying to figure out what you post when you don’t have a pet to photograph. I made up an imaginary pet — a blue llama named Fletcher who lived in my pantry and started his own mariachi band — and discovered that people were more interested in my fictional companion than they were in me.
Good. I for one am glad you are going to improve this shit hole.
(ok – where are the damn smiley icons so this doesn’t get me in trouble…)
Heh. Hi Dave!
Yours is the only blog I read everyday, even if I can only get it on my cell phone. I love it because your view is just enough askew that I get your references and can totally relate.
If you have to make tip jar I’ll gladly be the first to contribute, because my morning slimfast/cigarette wouldn’t taste nearly as good without you.
Now go submit your blog to IT2M.
They reviewed me already and I didn’t even have to request it!
Mmm… Sugar Smacks!
Aww…the bitches LOVE Dave! He is their super Pimp.
Dave the Super Pimp.
Has a nice ring to it.
I heart your site. I don’t heart Google. You do the math.
I heart not going bankrupt paying for bandwidth! 🙂
It is seriously expensive and, unfortunately, I may not have any choice after a month or two (if traffic keeps going up as it has been). I don’t think that anybody wants Google ads… but it may be the only option I have to keep my blog running. 🙁
Dave – Don’t sweat the Google Ads or any other kind of ads. As long as they stay constrained to a sidebar, they’ll be easy to ignore unless you ask us to do some click-throughs to ring your register. If it helps keep the lights on (and the zombies in brains) it’s a small price to pay.
Witty and urbane statement.
for me, the added song lyrics just made the site complete. ;-P
but why wasn´t porn among the options with tipjars and such?
For some reason you’ve made me wonder what you would have done with yourself back in the dark ages before the internet. You know, your wacky, creative self that has this blog as its outlet? Like in the 1960s? If you’re musical you could have started a rock & roll band–no, I’ve got it–album covers! You would have designed album covers and concert posters for Jimi Hendrix and Cream and Janis Joplin. I doubt that would have been enough to keep you out of trouble. Good thing you’ve got this blog, which doesn’t need to be like anyone else’s, by the way.
Thank god you finally decided to be like everyone else. NOBODY likes an individual.
If you need to put up ads to keep blogagraphy……. I’ll click on them. I love your site and a few ads wont hurt it.
Have you considered setting up a little offshoot section of Paid Dave PornToons? You can have little porn Dave cartoons doing, I dunno, porny cartoon things. Membership only to the Exclusive Dave Club.
OR not. I’m just floating the ideas as they come.
I’m not a perv, really I’m not. Well, I *am* but I’m not weird. Oh, wait, I am weird, to, but I’m not dangerous.
Yeah, that’s it, I’m not dangerous.
Crap, no wonder I’m not popular. No renters, no ads, no tip jar, no song lyrics.
That’s it. I quit.
I’m guessing a Paypal link is out of the question?
No… not at all. I wouldn’t refuse money that somebody wanted to give via PayPal.
If, of course, PayPal would actually pass it on to me.
I don’t understand renting out blogs. Does the person just put up a link to the renter? Weird.
Crap. I just read your “tip jar” section and feel like a total whore since I just wrote a blog entry about my daughter’s hamster. Well, at least I’m not asking for donations… yet.
However, I’d seriously consider it if I had the traffic you do.