FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
David Simmer II, 40, noted humanitarian, beloved blogger, graphical design genius, brilliant commentator on world events, originator of the Daveism movement, and founder of the Church of Daveology, died June 27 at his home in Central Washington State. He was worked to death.
Best known for his insanely popular online journal, Blogography, Simmer's fame was far-reaching for his numerous successful ventures including Daveland, his own theme park, and The Dave Resort.
Mr. Simmer was born March 24, 1966, in San Diego, California. His genius was evident very early in life, and he quickly became the foremost authority on dumbass identification and classification. Realizing that most people in the world were complete idiots, Mr. Simmer went on to form a society for those persons of intelligence and innate brilliance. Initially referred to as "Dave Nation", this organization was the eventual cornerstone for the founding of the Church of Daveology.
After his death had been declared, a formal statement was released by the Daveism Advocacy Center...
"We are deeply saddened by the death of our Most Revered Overlord and spiritual leader. The loss to our church, if not the entire world, is incalculable. But as it is said in the Book of Daveism, 'Let all who follow in The Way of Dave know that they will live on forever in His most sublime grace'."
Declaring that any death of so great a man is a crime against nature, the scene of Mr. Simmer's death was secured as a World Heritage Site, and preserved in every detail by local authorities.
Photograph property of the World Heritage Society
Survivors include his millions of Blogography readers and an extended family. Simmer is to be interned in the courtyard of his 50-story tall monument located at the 200,000 acre Dave National Park (formerly known as Mt. Rainier National Park). A formal burial service will be performed by the Church of Daveology's Most Revered Sub-Overlord, Dane Cook. Donations may be sent to the Dave Memorial Fund, c/o The Daveism Advocacy Center at Daveland.
Argh. Two. More. Days. To. Go...
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No say it is not so….what will the world do without Dave. It always happens to the good ones. Why oh why could they not take me instead.
Can I have his Coke with Lime?
Seriously, take Aargh instead. Damn work! Damn Dave’s work to hell!
Dude, what the hell are you working on anyway? You might want to think about something a bit less demanding – say Wal-mart greeter perhaps?
To paraphrase Mark Twain, I hope that reports of your death are greatly exaggerated.
I actually was thinking about how weird it would be to randomly find a notice by a family member on one of your blog friends sites about their passing. Maybe it was a premoniton. So when I saw the first line I freaked just a little bit.
Before Dave died, he promised me his Mac and all the extra t-shirts.
Just thought I should mention that before the services.
So when are the Lego Dave Altar Kits available for sale? So we can all build our own Chapel to Dave at home.
I got dibs on the Mac and the Legos….he said so. He was so generous that way.
I am wearing a black armband in memoriam.
*sniffle*
*much rending of garments and gnashing of teeth*
Oh, and also, we have the same birthday. w00t!
*back to garment-rending and teeth-gnashing*
Mt. Rainier, huh? I figured your national park would have been more in the vicinity of Waco…
🙁 First I find out Kevin’s brain died (when he raved about loving Dharma & Greg)…now this. It’s a sad day in the blog world.
I’m pulling out the black veil for Dave, and shall sit for three days, in the hopes of a Resurrection, replete with Crunch Master Crackers and Coke with Lime. Hallelujah!
Pre-mature eulogy… well written, though.
I hear you on being overly busy. It will be nice when things slow down.
Here’s hoping that these next two days will pass quick.
We, the followers, must united! It’s time to get hopped up on Coke w/Lime (although I’ll fake it and have a Dr. Pepper) and nourish ourselves with cheese pizza! The idiots of the world are organizing… we must fend them off! Dave’s work must live on!
*of course, we can take breaks from all the hullabaloo by watching movies and surfin’ the ‘net on our Macs…
RIP Dave. Who will get your special occasion sneakers?
im glad that idiot is dead haha i was hte one that killed him…. find me police idare yah haha
Will there be food and drinks provided after the burial services?
So basically we should send money in leiu of flowers?
Get well soon! Oh…wait.
OHHHH WAIT! Zombie Dave! We still have Zombie Dave!
Wheeeee!
San Diego’s top tourist sites: Sea World, San Diego Zoo, Dave’s Childhood Home.
Now, it’s time to say goodbye Dave. Then how to make my bereavement ? It appears that there are 5 phases to make it. But the 5th take trouble over me.
1/ Refusal : No, it is not true.
2/ Anger : I could not read another blog anymore. How will be able to to live without Dave ?
3/ Bargaining : But who is really guilty in this history ? Who ?
4/ Sadness : Any way, it was too good to last. Such an exceptional man could not be real.
5/ Acceptance : No, I cannot accept his death.
So, how will Dave rise from death ?…
You can do it! Keep it up!
You must really love Apple products because the chalk outline of you after your death appears to be an erection in the shape of an Apple laptop.
I’m speaking of the Greater “you” when I use that pronoun, of course.
p.s. In your will it said that I could have your camera lens. The big one. The huge one. The one that REALLY looks like an erection. Don’t forget.
A small chill snickered down her spine as she realized that at the exact moment she read of His Passing, she was eating cheese pizza washed down with Coke With Lime, while wearing a “Zombies Ate My Brain” T-shirt. Coincidence? Or Fate?
P.S. He left custody of Bad Monkey to me. Swear to Dave2.
Dibs on the MAC erection! I mean laptop!
I wondered why Liz Hurley looked so sad earlier.
*shakes head* So young, such talent, and what a horrible way to go. Poor Dave.
That chalk outline looks so fake.
Yes, well, Cartoon Dave is not a real person…
Interred.
Well, yes. For a normal person.
But for Dave, it is merely a temporary confinement until he rises from the dead.
🙂
I know I am late on this one, but I will salute you with a giant SuFi in honor of your passing and our new leader, Dane Cook.
you’re so funny.