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Posted on Friday, December 9th, 2005

Dave!I cannot abide rudeness.

And I have a very smart mouth.

It's a combination that's gotten me into trouble on several occasions. Usually it's when some dick-head is doing their best to make somebody feel stupid... or embarrass somebody... or just being a jack-ass for no good reason. And when I see this type of moronic behavior, I just can't help myself. I am compelled to say something.

Like this morning, for instance.

I was at a mini-mart to pick up a bottle of "Coke with Lime", and ended up stuck behind some dick-head and his three chuckle-head friends. The girl at the check-out counter was visibly nervous and unsure of herself as she tried to count out his change. Naturally, the dick-head used this as an opportunity to be a total douche. And apparently being a total douche is all that's required to amuse his posse...

Dick-head: Huh huh huh. I can see how counting to twelve would make this job a real challenge.
Dick-head's Friends: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Dave: You'd think so, but putting up with rude customers is where the real challenge is at.
Dick Customer: Uhhhhhhh... Shut up.

Great comeback. I'd kill to be so witty.

The idiot stormed out, but he was still getting in his car when I exited, and decided to shout at me across the parking lot...

Dick-head: It was just a joke, dude. Lighten up.
Dave: A joke's not very funny if you have to humiliate an innocent girl to get a laugh.
Dick Customer: Uhhhhhhh... you're an a$$hole!

Witty AND charming!

You can just tell that this bum-wipe is "the funny one" in his little group, and simply cannot handle the fact that somebody doesn't find him totally hilarious. Well, reality is a bitch, and you aren't funny. You're just mean.

It only now occurs to me that had things gone even a little differently, they could have totally beat the crap out of me. Luckily, they were all in a hurry to get back to doing whatever four guys do with each other at 1:30 in the afternoon.

CHAPTER 9: Holly Jolly Christ-mess.
LEGO ADVENT CALENDAR TOY OF THE DAY: Construction Worker with Jackhammer.
Lego Dave and Barky the Dog have been caught in an exploding jewelry store with the evil Lego Buzz...
Acrid smoke fills the air. Small fires litter the rubble of a once proud building. Somewhere in the ruins, the muffled sounds of a dog barking can barely be heard. A construction worker carrying a jackhammer appears...
"Hello?" the construction worker yells. "Was anybody in there?"
"Bark! Bark!" cries a dog from under splintered wood, bricks, and mortar.
"Hold on there dog!" the construction worker shouts. "I'll get you out!"
Using his jackhammer and a decade of skill, the lone construction worker starts his rescue. In a few minutes, the construction worker has cleared away enough rubble to uncover Lego Dave and his faithful companion, Barky the Dog...
Lego Holiday Nine
"Hey, thanks mister!" Lego Dave says gratefully.
"Bark! Bark!" agrees Barky the Dog.
Our heroes are saved and all is well! At least until evil Lego Buzz crawls out of the wreckage, his rotary saw thrashing through the air menacingly.
"You didn't think a little explosion was going to stop ME did you?" Lego Buzz screeches, his face twisted in anger. "NOW YOU ALL DIIIIIIEEEE!!"
Will Lego Buzz have his revenge?

Categories: DaveLife 2005, LEGOClick To It: Permalink


  1. Chaz says:

    I can’t stand that very type of individual you’ve described. Not only do they lack anything even slightly resembling wit, but as you said, they’re just plain mean. The scariest thing is more and more teenagers are beginning to fit that very mold, and their parents apparently just don’t care. Uggh, I think we need a new super hero… “Smack The Hell Out Of Assholes Man”, and when he punched those jokers in the face, he’d leave an imprint that read “I’m an ass” on their forehead. Yeah, that would be awesome.

  2. 6ft5 says:

    I have a hard time shutting up around apes like that too but lately thereĀ“s all these stories going around about how someone with alittle dignity gets beaten up or even killed for standing up like you did.
    some people claim they demand respect without understanding what respect means and how you go about deserving some.

  3. Kevin says:

    I would love to know how the girl at the register reacted to you defending her. Discount on your Coke with Lime? At least a friendly smile?

  4. Dave2 says:

    She didn’t make much of a reaction at all… I don’t even know if she realized what I said. She did end up being extremely nice when it was my time to be waited on, however.

  5. cougfan says:

    Those are the times when a rotary saw wielding jewel theif would be usefull

  6. alice says:

    it was really cool that you spoke up. when i was a teenager (many years ago), same thing happened, and someone spoke up. it does make a difference.

  7. jodi says:

    yay! I do the same thing. I don’t know when I got so gutsy, but I hate it when customers are rude to people trying to help them, when the clerk is just doing the best they can.

    I once got a discount on a cell phone after confronting some screaming woman and telling her she was interfering with my cell phone buying experience.

    Smart mouths of world unite against rudeness!

  8. Art says:

    It’d be worth the ass-whippin if they had so chosen. But really, shouldnt people like that just be beaten to death on the spot?

  9. That would make a fantastic comic book superhero… But what would you name a guy who puts smartass punks in their place?

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