The apartment complex where I live in has a "Senior Discount" which means that a lot of elderly people live here. And, while I have nothing against old people, it does make for rather crappy living conditions.
The primary problem in living with the elderly is that they are all deaf. I had thought that there were hearing aids and other technological wizardry to fix this but, if there is, nobody around here is aware of it. Televisions are played at full volume. Radios are blasted at all hours of the day and night. ALL doors are slammed shut. Every bit of ambient noise that you would expect from apartment living is amplified exponentially. I've lost count of how many times I've been awakened at 5:00am because one of my neighbors is outside screaming at somebody in the parking lot. And when I say "screaming," I don't mean that they are yelling angrily at somebody, they're just talking REALLY, REALLY LOUD because they're mostly deaf.
Mostly deaf but only partially insane.
And it's definitely the insane ones who test my patience.
Tonight when I came home I noticed a neighbor emptying his trash can... "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!? he screams. This has me totally puzzled, because I barely glanced in his direction. I try my best to ignore him (hey, it's not his fault he's crazy!), but he would have none of it. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?
Do I or don't I?It ends up (much to my embarrassment) that I do...
"APPARENTLY I'M LOOKING AT A CROTCHETY OLD FART WHO NEEDS NEW BATTERIES IN IS HEARING AID!" I yell back at him as I walk past.
Just as I was about to feel bad over being mean to an old person, he screams "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?" again, and I realize he didn't even hear me. Odds are he wasn't even talking to me. Could be he was screaming at some imaginary person in his head. Or maybe he actually was yelling at me, but he's on some kind of time-delay.
I dunno. Maybe I imagined it all, and I'm the one who is insane.
CHAPTER 10: Winter Plunderland.
LEGO ADVENT CALENDAR TOY OF THE DAY: Wheelbarrow, Broom, and Pick Axe.
The evil Lego Buzz has survived the explosion and is looking for REVENGE...
"Who in the heck is this lunatic?" the construction worker asks under his breath.
"I HEARD THAT!" Lego Buzz screams.
With surprising speed, Lego Buzz lunges forward, his rotary saw swinging wildly. Without warning, the construction worker is suddenly minus his left hand.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" yells the construction worker!
"GAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" yells Lego Dave!
"Bark! Bark!" yells Barky the Dog!
"BWAAAH HA HA HAAAAAHHH!" laughs Lego Buzz!
Desperate to save his rescuer, Lego Dave grabs a broom from under a pile of broken bricks and smashes Lego Buzz over the head.
"Quick guy... hop in so we can get you to the hospital!" Lego Dave exclaims while pulling a wheelbarrow from the wreckage."
"Thanks buddy!" the construction worker says as he climbs in, carefully cradling his severed hand. "I hope they can sew this back on!"
Lego Buzz comes to his senses and starts chasing the heroic trio down the street...
"Bark! Bark!" warns Barky the Dog.
"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" shouts Lego Buzz.
Can Lego Dave get the construction worker to the hospital before the evil Lego Buzz catches up?
FIND OUT TOMORROW WHEN DAVE'S "A VERY LEGO HOLIDAY TALE" CONTINUES!
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WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?
I had an old guy who lived below my apartment once. He left CNN on nearly 24-7 at full blast. It was kind of nice in a way. I never missed any breaking news. But waking up to Larry King’s voice at 3:00 AM was awful.
Better watch it with the old people. Imagine gettin your ass whipped by one of them? They would come at you and you couldn’t really hit them. They’d be screamin at you and beatin you with their garbage can. Then they’d probably sound a deafening alert that would bring the whole complex worth of geriatrics down on you. When the news cameras showed up, what could you say? You’d be the guy on national news that tried to beat up an old man and instead got beat down by the OG’s.
Just wanted to let you know I borrowed pictures from your blog – DM pictures. Was a great show, eh?
Uhhh… yeah. I don’t care if you borrow the pictures (since I took them from the official Depeche Mode site)… but you’ll want to copy them to your own server in order to avoid getting a nasty hotlink error.
ok that is a total bummer. but there’s got to be an upside to this whole senior living situation. for example, if you ever find yourself feeling to happy one day you can pay a visit to one of your neighbors for a let-me-down. or, i’d imagine that if you haven’t been laid for a while there’s gotta be a few pre-hundred honeys in the building to accomodate your needs.
That’s just wrong……….
I’m so upset, your picture has no Lego blood spurting from Lego Dave’s rescuer’s stump. WHERE’S MY FESTIVE RED BLOODY STUMP?
I’m trying to find a bright side to living in a building full of deaf people… So far all I’ve come up with is – At least they won’t mind when you have noisy parties?
The flat we live in in Norway is an old folk’s establishement as well. Actually the whole town is retirement central. We even have our own “bandage” store downstairs, replete with trusses and everything you need to hold your sagging and bent bits up. I call it the bondage store.
Dave, I write this on a mac iBook G4 that I just bought. That gets AWESOME wireless reception…ahem, even in my front yard, sent from God Knows Where…….