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Welcome to Your Fifties

Posted on Tuesday, January 2nd, 2024

Dave!Back on December 12th I fell and hurt my knee and ankle. It healed up fairly quickly. I was pain-free after about a week. Then it was a little stiff, but I thought it would be fine in another week or two.


It has been getting progressively worse. Last week I noticed that on top of being stiff, it was aching a lot. Now there's outright pain when I move it sometimes. I mentioned it to a friend and he said "Yeah. You probably have arthritis in your knee and ankle now." And I was like "What? Arthritis?!? Isn't that for old people?" He looked puzzled for a second, smiled, then said "Welcome to your fifties. Might want to look into glucosamine."

Oh shit! I totally am an old person now!

It happened so quickly.

Seems like only yesterday I was young and carefree and traveling the world. Now I'm old, prefer to stay at home, and living with cats. Guess I should stop ignoring the weekly mail I've been getting from The Neptune Society (if you don't know what The Neptune Society is, you're in for a fucking treat, because it's wild... when my time comes, bury me at sea with Julia Child on the memorial reef, please!).

And speaking of being old and having arthritis now(!)...

I found out an interesting fact today.

I was drying off after my shower. It was painful to bend my knee, so instead I just bent over. Suddenly the lights went off. It took my old man brain a second to realize that the electricity didn't just cut out... I had backed my bare ass up against the touch-sensitive light switch next to the shower. So now I know. My ass is light-switch-height.

Even though my butt cheeks were freshly cleaned in the shower, I was still mortified thinking that my light switch was now an ass switch. So the first thing I did after drying off and putting on my underwear was to run for the Clorox cleaner so I could scrub down the wall, plate, and switch.

I wanted to do it before I forgot, because apparently my memory is going to be leaving me very soon now.

If it hasn't already.

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  1. Julia says:

    Nope, arthritis isn’t an old person issue. Kids can get it and I’ve known people in their 20s and 30s who had it. After 40+ years of living with IBD, I found out that I have IBD-related inflammatory arthritis which I’d never even heard of!!

  2. Ooh, I’m always looking for good cremation referral. I’ve heard some horror stories about some companies, and with a decision that important you definitely don’t want to get burned.

  3. I’m loving being “got a bag out of the back seat of the car and now my back is fucked” years old. I also did a “why did I come into this room again?” the other day. This is my life now.

    • Dave2 says:

      I once pulled my back… badly… because I forgot to lock the door. I twisted back to hit the lock button and… on the couch for two days because I could barely move. Getting old sucks!

  4. martymankins says:

    I have to admit I laughed in the ass turned off the bathroom light scenario.

    I’ve pulled my back out several times over the last 30 years. Now at 60, it hasn’t happened for at least a year or two. Pushing my luck or jinxing myself?

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