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I Read The Nashville Statement So You Don’t Have To

Posted on Tuesday, August 29th, 2017

Dave! I know that my LGBTQ friends cannot ignore the heinously vile and bigoted "Nashville Statement" (much as they'd probably like to) which seeks to deny them rights, divide them from our communities, and cast them out of our society. What I hope you cannot ignore is the ever-growing number of people like me who love you, value you, cherish you, and know that our lives are better because you are a part of it.

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave with the Pride Flag

For those not in the know, The Nashville Statement (which does not reflect the opinion of Nashville, the city) is written by "Christian leaders" and sets out to define a sexuality "world view" that is based solely on Christian beliefs (as they interpret it) to the exclusion of all other viewpoints. It also directs those who call themselves "Christian" how to act and think when it comes to their sexuality. And... bonus... other people's sexuality too!

And, lucky for you, I read the statement so you don't have to!

Article 1 says that marriage was invented by the Christian God and only His followers get to define it. Which is fine. For you. Please feel free to define your religious constructs any way you wish, but you need to accept that this is The United States of America, and our religious freedoms allow others to do the same... whether within the confines of a "religion" or not. Your personal beliefs do not get to dictate everybody else's beliefs in a country which was built specifically to avoid exactly this kind of thing. Besides, "marriage" existed long before Christianity came along, so stop fooling yourselves.

Article 2 says no sexy-time before marriage. Which is fine. For you. But your personal morals don't get to rain shit and (judgement) down on those who do not accede to your definition of "sexual immorality." You don't get to decide what television programs, magazines, and movies can or cannot show. You don't get to decide what other people do in their bedrooms. The only decision you get to make is for your own damn genitals and what you choose to do with them.

Article 3 says that the Christian God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, and fully rebukes any and all other creation myths or science which does not fully endorse their position. Which is fine. For you. But religion and faith in this country are up to individuals, which means you don't get to force your beliefs in public schools, nor do you get to define your beliefs as "science" to force it into public schools when no scientific evidence exists to support your claims (unless you're Ken Ham and define your own "science," of course).

Article 4 says that you need to revel in your biological sex, because that's who you were created by God to be... and that the differences between man and woman are not a design flaw that needs to be "overcome." And that's fine. For you. But you cannot speak for people who feel that what's in their head doesn't match up with the biological sex they were born with. You don't get to decided what others can or cannot do with their own bodies to live a healthy, happy, fulfilling life. Live your own damn life and be happy you don't have to live in a society that condemns you for who you are like you're doing right here.

Article 5 Restates Article 4 in stronger terms... thou shalt not mess with the biological sex you were assigned. Which is fine. For you. But, again, your personal beliefs in no way get to dictate what others do with their lives and bodies, nor do you get to shame those who choose a path you don't agree with.

Article 6 states that any persons with biological incongruities regarding their genetalia (i.e. "God wanted you to be born a hermaphrodite") are not excluded from God's love, nor are they "incapable of living a fruitful life in joyful obedience to Christ." Which, I guess is trying to say that if God designed an incongruity in your physical biological sex, praise Jesus. But if God designed an incongruity in your mental sexual identity, you need to deny it or go to hell? Uh huh.

Article 7 says outright that if you are a homosexual or transgender that you are in violation of the Christian God's "holy purpose," and if you continue living thusly, you're incapable of redemption. Which is juuuuust fine. For you. But don't think for one damn minute that you can use this personal position to turn society against those who have fought to find themselves and emerged victorious as a part of the LGBTQ community. You don't define them. You don't own them. You do not get to decide what rights they receive, what positions they can hold, or what standing they have in society. All your condemnation does is cost real people their happiness... even their lives... and no society, especially one designed for personal freedoms and religious independence, will tolerate your garbage.

Article 8 declares that same-sex attraction is a-okay with them... so long as you never, ever act on those feelings. Which is fine. For you. But not everybody can "live a rich and fruitful life pleasing to God through faith in Jesus Christ" while denying who they are. And for those people who choose to serve Jesus and act upon their same-sex attraction? You hold no dominion. None. Zero. Faith in Jesus and identifying as a Christian are not dependent on your approval.

Article 9 seems to harken back to Article 2, saying that any sexual desires that lead you away from marriage are bad. Like, really bad. And that there's no justification for sexually immorality leading you to immoral behavior. This is surprising given how many times that Christian "religious leaders" are caught in major scandals, only to pull out their "I AM FORGIVEN card" and carry on as if nothing happened. Apparently that's a path which is exclusively Christian, as other faiths seem to be denied such a grand loophole. Oh no. Their perceived sins are forever.

Article 10 states outright that even if you yourself are not a homosexual or transgender, that you do not get to approve of somebody else being homosexual or transgender. So, basically, if you consider yourself to be a "faithful Christian" you are commanded to be a homophobic, transphobic bigot... or lose your "I Love Jesus card." And that's... that's... that's NOT fine, I don't give a flying fuck who you are. Be a fucking bigot in the confines of your home or church if you absolutely must... but don't drag that pathetic, disgusting bullshit to where people are trying to create a loving, accepting society built on kindness and mutual respect. You know, like Jesus would want.

Article 11 is a "feel-good" affirmation of Article 10, but dictates that you are to speak your homophobic, transphobic, bigoted "truth" from a place of love. As if Articles 1-10 make such a thing even possible.

Article 12 endorses the horrific and abusive notion of conversion therapy. Because, apparently, the only way for a gay person to "walk in a manner worthy of the Lord" is for them to deny how God made them. Never mind that the notion of "choosing to be gay" is as stupid as "choosing to be straight"... the only option is literal torture. And if you elect to do this to yourself? That's, fine... I guess. For you. But to torture children so you can warp them into who you want them to be instead of who they actually are? Fuck that. Yes, they are your kids. You get to raise them as you wish and explain your interpretation of your faith to them as you wish. But you don't get to torture them into being what you want them to be. Even if it "comes from a place of love."

Article 13 says that transgender "sinners" must forsake "transgender self-conceptions" and accept their biological sex as their sex... so help you God. And... whatever. For you. But what you see as "self-conception," transgender persons see as REALITY, and you don't get to dictate a reality for them that is contrary to their experience and feelings. It's not your life.

Article 14 Jesus is Lord, accept no substitutes. And that's great. For you. But He is YOUR Lord. In a country founded on religious liberty, you don't get to force other people to accept Him as THEIR Lord. And while you "deny that the Lord's arm is too short to save, or that any sinner if beyond His reach," that's something you get to believe for yourself. Stop trying to force your beliefs on everybody else. You look like an idiot who believes your omnipotent, omnipresent, all-powerful God is too weak to enact His will as He sees fit. That kind of power doesn't need you. You're not that special.

And that's it. Some of the original text is very confusing, so I can't claim 100% accuracy on my interpretation here. But, hey, I can't claim that these bigots have a 100% accurate interpretation of The Bible, so I guess we're even.

But at least I know to capitalize God, Jesus, and Lord... and know that any reference to Them (such as He, Him, and His) are supposed to be capitalized. Apparently whomever transcribed this crap in the PDF does not.

Categories: News – Politics 2017Click To It: Permalink


  1. Michelle says:

    It’s so sad when people use Christianity to justify hate. How can they call themselves Christians and get the entire premise so wrong?

  2. hello haha narf says:

    THIS: The only decision you get to make is for your own damn genitals and what you choose to do with them.


    (also, i love your lil dave with the flag. i’m so sad i don’t have your drawing talent or i would have a lil becky with the rainbox flag. thank you for sharing your toons with us. they are so good! which reminds me, i recently found a box of your playing cards! i thought i accidentally left them in a hotel room somewhere years ago. oh happy day! wheeee!)

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