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The Horror

Posted on Tuesday, November 1st, 2016

Dave!Halloween is one of those holidays that I've been able to safely ignore for the past two decades. I don't have kids to take trick-or-treating, I haven't attended a Halloween party in years, and the neighborhood I used to live in never had trick-or-treaters stopping by. Sure I'd buy candy just in case... but the only person eating any of it was me.

All that changed when I moved into my new neighborhood. Which actually used to be my old neighborhood.

What's also changed? Kids with restrictive diets. Can't have peanuts. Allergic to gluten. Will die if they consume artificial colors. That kind of thing. So in addition to KitKats and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, I also purchased "Yum Earth Fruit Snacks" that were naturally flavored, no synthetic colors, certified organic, gluten-free, fat-free, peanut-free, tree-nut-free, vegan, no soy, no egg, non-GMO, no dairy, no high fructose corn syrup, and no animal products. I figured that would cover all my bases. Last year I bought toys for kids that couldn't eat candies, but lost them in the move. Thus my Teal Pumpkin Project banner didn't get put out this year. I'll be sure I'm better prepared next Halloween... even though I've never had a single taker. Probably because I never had any trick-or-treaters.

Apple's new not-pro pro MacBook laptop

Anyway, my 2016 Halloween in bullets...

  • Only ended up getting the 50-60 kids I was anticipating instead of the 120-130 I was told would appear in my new (old) neighborhood. More candy for me!
  • Pleasantly surprised that so many of the costumes had some effort put into them. The creativity made for an entertaining night.
  • A fairly young kid showed up as Deadpool... a movie (or comic) he probably should not have seen at his age, but must have? Disconcerting.
  • The cats may not have appreciated the "spooky ghost" ringtone on my Ring doorbell, but the kids sure did! Quite a few of them remarked that it was "cool."
  • Most of the kids... over half... picked the "healthy" treat I got for kids with allergies and stuff. This was unexpected, but not unwelcome. I've got tons of REAL candy left over!
  • At least half of the kids never said "Trick or Treat"... most did say "Thank you," however.
  • Most all of the kids were accompanied by parents. In this day-and-age, you can bet your ass I wouldn't let my kids out alone on Halloween... no matter how old they were.
  • My kitchen is at the front of the house, so to avoid running back and forth between the door and my living room, I decided to stay in the kitchen and clean it. A lot of work, but oh so nice. Still don't know how to clean my glass range-top completely. Even with Soft-Scrub and a Scotch-Brite pad, there are still spots that won't come clean.
  • I had my last microwave for at least 15 years. Built like a tank and a dream to clean. The only reason I got rid of it was because I bought a built-in for my new place. While cleaning it, I was shocked at how cheap it's constructed considering the rather hefty price I paid. The interior is lined with thin metal that bends every time I apply even slight pressure.
  • When I moved here, I just took everything that was under the kitchen sink at my old place and transferred it. Tonight I actually went through everything. Shocked that I ended up tossing out 3/4 of it all that was either expired/dead or completely unneeded.
  • Jenny now gives zero fucks as to what areas of the house I feel she isn't allowed (i.e. the kitchen). While cleaning, she pounced right up on the countertop and came to see what I was doing. Jake will follow her example, I'm sure.
  • Because of this, I am immensely relieved that both cats are still terrified of everybody but me. There was no chance of them running out the door, because every time somebody arrived they were high-tailing it upstairs.
  • I have a Kitchen-Aid mixer, bread maker, Cuisinart, gelato maker, and blender. None of them have been used since I moved here. This needs to change. I used to love making fresh bread and other baked goods.
  • The only thing I didn't clean was the oven interior. It has a really cool "Slow Steam Automated Cleaning" feature, but I can't find the instruction book to know how to use it. Looks like I'll be hunting the manual down this weekend.
  • After not having trick-or-treaters for the past 20 years, the evening wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be!

And now I'll be over here eating Halloween candy and trying not to go into a sugar coma.

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Categories: DaveLife 2016Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Lora says:

    I’m so glad you’re back. I had been wondering if you were gone for good…

  2. kapgar says:

    Worse than Deadpool were all the tween girls dressed as Harley Quinn complete with short shorts and Daddy’s Little Monster babydoll shirt. Um… no.

  3. Matt says:

    Happy Halloween!

    To quote my four year old daughter: “How long until Christmas?”

  4. Cathy says:

    Glad to see you’re back!

    For cleaning the glass range top, a blade scraper will work. I’ve used it and it won’t scratch. I just usually pour a bit of boiling water on the spot, let it sit for a moment and then scrape and it comes up like brand new

  5. I’ve had a sourdough pot going for the last 20 years or so…I should send you some should you want to make sourdough bread or pancakes. I can also recommend a great cookbook for authentic-as-hell sourdough recipes.

  6. martymankins says:

    Love the Halloween bullet points. We never get trick or treaters at our house. It’s too far back and too close to a busy road.

    As for toy options, I saw someone post a picture that they were giving out small containers of Play-Doh.

  7. Marc Zimmermann says:

    Welcome back, Dave! I’ve become quite worried about you by now, seeing this extended silence here, assuming at least a final farewell post if you decided to quit blogging. Hope you’re all right.

  8. hello haha narf says:

    ohmydog, i LOVE those yum fruit snacks and can’t find them anywhere around here!
    halloween is great fun for me. i set up a chair outside and have all my candy in a cute basket. really appreciate the costumes and the kids. watching their faces light up when i tell them to pick two or three is so cool, but the best is when i break out the hidden stash of full size bars for the great costumes. i like to encourage the creative costumes. and i remember the excitement of receiving a full sized candy bar as opposed to the smaller things!

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