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Posted on Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

Dave!If I wasn't so enamored with one-word blog entry titles* this post would probably be called something like "Give Peace a Chance" or "WAR IS OVER if you want it" or some other John-Lennon-inspired genius to set the stage for my upcoming rant.

If I really wanted to get descriptive, I suppose I could have gone with something like... "A wish to be included in holiday festivities on my part doesn't constitute a war on your part." Though, since this is me we're talking about, it could have just as easily been "Take your stupid war and go fuck yourself with it."

Which sounds like something John Lennon would have totally said if he was a creative person like me. Alas...

John Lenon and Yoko Ono say WAR IS OVER... if you want it

But before we mix it up, here's a calendar for December...

December Holidays Calendar

From a holiday standpoint, it's a pretty packed schedule as you can see. And I'm sure there's a bunch more holidays that belong on there that I don't know about.

But since this is the United States of America... AKA The Land of The Free... AKA The Melting Pot... where people of all ages, races, creeds, colors, sexes, sexual orientations, gender identities, national origins, and religions come together as one, it's not a big deal. Because while we may celebrate separate holidays, we can certainly come together to celebrate each other's happiness during the season! This is the USA, after all.



Errr... apparently not.

Apparently there's a "War on Christmas" of which I was previously unaware. Apparently, some people feel that all of December belongs exclusively to the Christian holiday of Christmas, and the mere existence of other holidays is some kind of attack. Apparently communities wanting to have public festivals which are inclusive of all faiths by calling them "Holiday Celebrations" instead of "Christmas Celebrations" have declared war. Apparently any time anybody wants to do anything for the holidays that's not Christmas-specific, they're ruining Christmas. Apparently.

It is, of course, a complete load of horse shit.

This is nothing more than a scheme by hateful people who benefit financially by keeping everybody divided and miserable. THEY create a war, then sit back and laugh while other people fight in it. How very Christian of them.

I remain dumbfounded that there are people who actually buy into this crap. Is their faith really so weak that it takes the threat of imaginary war for them to feel anything for their beliefs? Is their faith really so shaky that they think Christianity will disappear if they don't go into meltdown when somebody puts up a stupid billboard that questions it? Really? Because that's just sad. I question whether you can even call it "faith" when it's more like lack of faith. Because anybody who is strong in their beliefs and confident in their God wouldn't be the least bit threatened just because a parade was renamed so everybody could come together and celebrate their holidays... including their Christmas.

Oh well. I'm not a Christian. I don't celebrate Christmas. I do enjoy celebrating the holidays with my friends and family of ALL faiths during the season though. I haven't declared war on anybody. So, seriously, from the bottom of my heart... "Take your stupid war and go fuck yourself with it."

It's what John Lennon would have wanted.


*I didn't used to have one-word titles for my blog posts. It's just that one day I had an entry where one word was all I needed. The next morning I woke up and got an email telling me that I was "stupid" for not using more descriptive titles on my blog entries so that they would be better indexed by Google and improve my search engine ranking. Obviously, I needed their web consulting services because I was too big an idiot to figure this stuff out on my own. Since I don't give a crap about my "search engine ranking" I thought this was pretty funny. And very, very rude. So I wrote back and told them to blow me.

I've been using single-word blog entry titles ever since. I'm stupid that way.

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Categories: News - Politics 2010Click To It: Permalink


  1. CP says:

    This post is so full of fucking awesome, Dude. Your blog cup overfloweth! I need to post this to some really uptight people on FB. Do you mind?

    Also, your little blurb on the end. Yeah. More awesome still. Blow me, indeed.


  2. RW says:

    Boy howdy. I wish I knew why people figure holidays are a zero-sum game that are somehow strangely mutually exclusive. There’s got to be a perception out there that “American” has a very narrow definition. Sad to say this isn’t new. I found a quote from the last century that I’m going to put on my blog someday soon, just as it is. Then reveal when it was written. It’ll blow people away because it sounds like something we could say today.

    It’s our country’s continuing weakness, this desire to be one thing only in a set-up meant for many things. Sad and odd.

  3. delmer says:

    The last year the kids were in Catholic school they had an all-inclusive Christmas play. It celebrated Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkuh, and probably one or two other things I’ve forgotten –I thought it was pretty open minded for a Catholic school (there was no mention of Festivus… Catholic air their greivances at the end of each mass over donuts and coffee).

  4. Sarkawt says:

    First, I am delighted to see the days of Al-Hujra & Ashura in your calendar along with other festivities which I never heard of except X-mas, of course. Second, “War on X-mas,” I am flabbergasted to see that there are people think this way. Dave, the bigger the place where you live, the more the odd ideas and problems you have to deal with. I can see how these matters affect you. I should count my blessings for living in a small township and in Iraq where on December we have just X-mas, Al-Hujra and Ashura days to celebrate. We are doing fine! Third, I am a huge fan of John Lennon, Bob Dylan and the Beatles! They’re great. Fourth, regarding the one-word blog, you are free! Personally, I like it this way because it emanates both creative writing and thinking, not to mention that one word-title gives me so much to think about before reading the entire content of your post. Way to go, Dave!

  5. Megan says:

    You mean we don’t live in a homogenous, white Christian society?!

    I’m writing my congressman.

  6. Sybil Law says:

    Monkey Day is the 14th?! Awesome!

    People are so ridiculous. I AM a Christian, but don’t belong to any religion. I could care less who believes what, unless it involves taking my cats to use as sacrifices. As long as they’re happy and not bothering me, have fun and enjoy!
    Is that so fucking hard?

  7. Lora says:

    Excellent post. I will say that I hate it when I wish someone Merry Christmas and am berated in reply. Um, I’m sorry…I couldn’t tell by the look of you that you don’t celebrate the holiday. I am a Christian and therefore, I celebrate Christmas. However, I will not be offended if someone were to wish me a Happy Kwanzaa or Hannakuh or whatever. And neither should they if I wish them the same. It’s all good. In the end, we all (OK, not all, most) believe in a higher power, whatever form or name that power has, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, whatever. (PS – St. Nicholas Day is actually the 6th!)

  8. Usedtobme says:

    I forgot to tell you how much I pink puffy heart you this week. “blow me.” I love it!

  9. Ren says:

    Inclusion is great and there’s certainly a lack of it. However, I don’t think Christians are objecting to inclusion, at least not overtly. Rather, they are objecting to removing “Christmas” as an effort not to offend non-Christians.

    Having a Holiday Parade is great.

    Changing a Christmas Parade to a Holiday Parade as part of expanding it’s scope to include additional faiths is great.

    Sanitizing (or Santa-izing) a Christmas Parade to remove any references to faiths at all is, well… OK, that’s great, too as far as I’m concerned.

    What was I saying?

    • Dave2 says:

      If Christians want to hold Christmas parties or Christmas carnivals or Christmas parades or Christmas whatever… then great! I may not celebrate it, but I love that kind of stuff. It’s people having fun and celebrating their faith, and there’s nothing wrong with that. More power to them! I EXPECT to see a nativity scene in front of a Christian church or a Christian person’s home, and that’s great! But I shouldn’t have to walk into a post office and see a full nativity in the lobby and be made to feel as if I’m not part of the community because only Christians are welcome to buy frickin’ stamps. Because a COMMUNITY parade or a COMMUNITY event or a COMMUNITY building or a COMMUNITY service should be for everybody in the community… not just the Christians.

      Realistically, nobody has to lose or exclude anything… Christmas can still be a part of a holiday parade. Bring baby Jesus to the party if you wish. But other faiths in the community should have the opportunity to be represented too, so it shouldn’t be named “Christmas Parade” or else people who celebrate other holidays won’t feel welcome.

      Inclusion and tolerance is the EXACT OPPOSITE of a war, and why I think this “War on Christmas” nonsense is complete crap. People of different faiths manage to coexist all the time, and everybody should want that for the benefit of all. Most every Christians I know agrees. Unfortunately, they’re the biggest victims here, as they are being made to feel guilty by religious affiliation. Or, even worse, made to feel they’re not “real Christians” if they don’t join in this stupid “war.” Sad. Sad. Sad.

  10. Sarah says:

    I wish this whole “war on Christmas” meant that customers actually had to treat sales people with some kind of respect during the Christmas season.

  11. Suebob says:

    I get so sick of this victimhood. Today there was a story on NPR about chaplains complaining that a DADT repeal may make it impossible for them to express their beliefs in the military…Excuse me, your job is to provide aid and comfort to the troops, not to stop speaking to them if they are gay.

    A few years ago some distant family members were gloating over how they would say “Merry Christmas” whenever people said “Happy Holidays.” The tone was very confrontational – like “Yeah, I just throw “Merry Christmas” RIGHT BACK IN THEIR FACES.” I’m sure that’s what Jesus would want.

    Personally, I will take whatever good wishes people send my way and celebrate any holiday anyone invites me to. My God is big enough to understand.

  12. Poppy says:

    I know Karen Sugarpants is your nemesis, but did you omit the Canadians ON PURPOSE?! Cuz that’s COLD.

  13. kapgar says:

    They are absolutely wrong! December is not solely the domain of Christmas. It is solely the domain of ME!!

    BTW why the heck am I not all over that calendar? And if not all over it, why am I not at least on the 5th??

  14. martymankins says:

    From the bottom of you heart, your statement says it all.

    No fucking war on Christmas. It’s just an excuse for some to garner some sort of press and bring attention to themselves. Nothing more.

    As a non-believer, I have no issue with anyone telling me Merry Christmas or having a sing a long or any celebration.

    Of course I’m always nice enough not to mention that Dec 25th is just a pagan holiday placeholder. 🙂

  15. LeSombre says:

    I love the whole “one word title” thing.

    I also love more parties.

  16. Search rankings, smirch rankings. The awesome will always find its way to more awesome.

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