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Posted on Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

Dave!This morning on the way to work I stopped at the mini-mart to get a bag of cheesey popcorn. As I walked in the door, a child was standing there, screaming at me while he wagged his tongue. He had some kind of plastic tube stuck to his tongue, which made this hugely amusing to him. The hellion's mother(?) was sitting at a table talking to a friend(?)... blissfully ignoring the fact that her son(?) was screaming at people. I just ignored him as I walked by, and said "how charming!" as I headed back to the chips & cracker aisle.

While I was looking for popcorn, I heard the mother(?) screaming "BRIAN! PUT THAT DOWN! and "BRIAN! STOP THAT!" Apparently, she suddenly decided to give a crap when her kid(?) started tearing up the place.

After finding the snacks I wanted, I made my way to the cash register checkout and paid for my stuff. As I turned to leave, I noticed that Brian's mother(?) and her friend(?) were both glaring at me. As I walked to the door, I heard one of them say "how charming" in a high-pitched voice... kind of like Beaker from the Muppets...

It's Beaker from the Muppets looking particularly puppet-like!


I will never understand how people failing to discipline their kids is somehow my fault. Somehow I'm the bad guy.

I suppose I could have tried asking these assholes how this works, but it seemed a lost cause.

Instead I turned to the kid and said "how embarrassing for you!"

I'm guessing he'll get that a lot in the future.

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  1. Breigh says:

    I have never seen such unruly children as I started seeing when I came here to NL. Did you see them when you were here? 😛 They are everywhere!

    Parents like that piss me off to no end.. but I mean seriously, if they are mocking you in silly high pitched voices, it’s not hard to see where Brian gets it.

  2. Lisa says:

    Bwahaha! I just do not get how these young moms think they have a free pass because they birthed Damian, but it would be cool to get to see how he respects her in say 10 or 11 years. I’m guessing the teens aren’t going to go well for her, and she’ll deserve every minute of it.

  3. Christopher Stogdill says:

    You probably made the mother’s day. Now her and her friend can piss and moan about the “presumptious asshole” who dared talk to/about the boy. As the tale gets retold you’ll ventually become a pedophile who they narrowly saved the boy from. You’ll be demonized to the extent that next time you meet the trio you won’t be recognized unless you are an unlcean bum wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and desperately trying to entice children with candy.

    Next time just give the kid a cappuchino and a puppy and call it good.

  4. Sybil Law says:

    This post makes me love you. 🙂

  5. Dave! My kids are sitting in my lap while I’m trying to get a little computer time in. Could you DO something about it? Sheesh.

  6. martymankins says:

    What’s funny is I can totally picture you saying this, having been in a public place with you before.

    Someone needs to put these half-assed parents/guardians in their place.

  7. kyle says:

    so much easier to blame others than take responsibility.

    that said she’s probably a whore!


  8. A. Lewis says:

    Oh boy….you and I would have a hey-day in public. I’d have said something similar — and have, more than once. I just don’t put up with it in my old age. Why, just the other day, I asked someone: “Do I need to buy tickets for the show or is the entertainment free to all of us nearby??” Yee Haw!

  9. I’m kind of happy she heard you. (Snicker.)

  10. Peggy Archer says:

    I suggest the phrase “What a shame your Mommy didn’t teach you any manners” when said Mommy’s in earshot.

    Makes them rein in the little brats really quickly.

  11. josh says:

    If you actually said “how embarrassing to you” to that little kid, you will officially become my hero!

    I HAAAATE how little kids can get away with ANYTHING. There have been numerous incidentz where I have been out in public and have been taunted or teased by kids circa the agez of 5-10 and no one has told them to cut it out. Fuzzing bastardoz. Sure…they’re all strong and cocky when there’s a swarm of like 5 of them, but get them by themselves and a cold, blank stare will fill their stoopid pantz wiff more piss and shet than one would think possible.

  12. robin says:

    I was at WalMart on Christmas Eve and there was a child that could not have been more than a year old (he could barely walk), standing in the toy aisle in his jammies next to his two year old brother. And the parents were…….in the next aisle (in the paint section). I stood there and watched them for almost two full minutes until a little girl (probably 5 or 6) finally came around the corner and scooped up the baby. Seriously Dave, if you can’t be everywhere to watch these kids, what will happen to them? It’s scary that people don’t watch their children!

  13. Mrs. Hall says:

    um. i can say that after two kids (ages seven and under) the noises they make pass through a filter in my brain. the louder it gets, the harder the noise has to get to get my attention.

    Also, if the noise is immediately deemed ‘non emergency’ then the volume can be deafening to others, but not actually heard by me, the mom.

    Cause loud yelling is 24/7 with kids for a good while, while they are young. Tuning them out is a survival tactic.

    it’s true.

    so, suck it up and enjoy your popcorn you globe trotting, monkey having, single man without kids. cause when you get home, all will be calm again.

    well, that’s if you’ve fed the monkey i mean.


    Take care, Mrs. Hall

  14. Becky says:

    Seriously? You really said “how embarrassing for you”? That rocks. I’m going to try that on my kids and see if it works.

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