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Posted on Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

Dave!Tonight I had to eat at McDonalds for dinner because it was the only thing open once I got back from a high school graduation ceremony. Dinner at McDonalds sucks ass for vegetarians because about all we can eat is French fries and an apple pie. That would be awesome if I was 16, but now it just guarantees a night of gastroenterological distress.

This is the first graduation ceremony I've been to in over 20 years and nothing has changed. As I was listening to the cheesy speeches with all the appropriate empowerment buzzwords ("BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!"), it occurred to me that if you took every student graduation speech from every school in the USA and analyzed them, they'd all have the exact same words... just shuffled around in a different order. I suppose that there is only so many ways you can say "THE FUTURE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!" which is going to make any kind of sense.

Oh well. Congratulations to the Class of 2009! If you made it to graduation, you managed to limit your drug and alcohol use enough to pass the sub-standard requirements from our failing education system... so best of luck to you!

DAVETOON: Bad Monkey in Graduation Cap!

Meanwhile, the pussification of America continues...

I learned something at graduation that disturbs me greatly. The school had co-principals. The class had co-presidents. I'm guessing the cheerleading squad had co-captains and the football team had co-quarterbacks. Remember when there was a winner and a loser and that was it? It was just like life. Except now it's co-everything because striving for mediocrity is the best we can do. "Co-President" and "Co-Principal" is so much easier than having a subordinate "Vice President" and "Vice Principal" because responsibility is divided up and pushed around so nobody loses.

The buck no longer seems to stop anywhere.

I don't know what this bodes for the future, but it can't be good.


  1. kilax says:

    Even the french fries have beef tallow in them. At least they did when I worked there 🙁

    Co-Principal? LAME!

  2. Ren says:

    I’ve become a big fan of McDonald’s Fruit & Yogurt Parfait with Granola. Surely that’s vegetarian-friendly and better than fries and apple pie? (Though I guess it’s probably not vegan-friendly.)

    I’ve decided to be a co-commenter, so if you have any issues with this comment, please take them up with whall.

  3. Kyra says:

    At my kids’ school, they don’t have any game with losers at ALL. They freakin’ banned them, can you believe that? They have tether ball on the playground, but you can’t play to “win”, no board games, nothing. Last year, they even divided themselves from the sports programs. They literally said no to them, and all programs were transferred to the town rec department. They’re also fighting one of the parents who wants to start a chess club for the same reason.

    Yeah, losing stinks – but seriously? Get over it. You aren’t always going to be the best, but sometimes you CAN win and it’s worth trying for; both so you can learn to win as gracefully as you learn to lose.

  4. jenny says:

    Hey – I’m starting a new blog and want to know of you want to co-blog with me. We will write entries together and get a committee to vote on whether or not we should post them. But the votes will be anonymous so there’s no tension. The first post will be titled “Believe in yourself.”

  5. Michael Andersson says:

    I can’t believe that you were out so late that there was nothing open on University Way! Lots of veggie options there…

    Wasn’t traffic just horrible, though? “A” and I were meeting another couple for dinner, and they were delayed over an hour!

    See you on Friday!

  6. Robin says:

    Did McD’s have the apple stickers? They are awesome with caramel sauce. If you have to eat there again, have those instead of the apple pie…soooo goood. Hopefully, the caramel won’t mess with your body.

    ::mind wanders::

    As for our failing education system, I feel for my future non-existent children, because our society is pretty much setting them up for failure the way our education system is going nowadays. We can’t compete with kids from other countries anymore because our school curriculums are not rigorous enough anymore. Part of me wants to teach just to try and improve things somewhat. But when I think about all the politics you have to deal with to even teach in NY State, it turns me off.

    Sorry…i’m rambling. I’ll stop now.

  7. whall says:

    As co-writer of Blogography, I take offense at your statements and are therefore entitled to get rich off of your efforts. Send a money order asap or my ACLU lawyers will have you shut down for failing to adhere to strict Fairness and Equal Outcome Guidelines.

  8. Dave2 says:

    I knew I should have put a legal disclaimer on my blog stating that all comments left become my intellectual property. Though, given how utterly brilliant I am, it should be a given that anything commented that’s of any value would be something that I probably would have thought of anyway.


  9. A Lewis says:

    If I have to, I will get the Veggie deal at Burger King….I wish that McD.’s had it too. But, hey, what’s wrong with the french fries?? And, by the way, grab one of their salads….without the chicken.

  10. Sybil Law says:

    I love your comments about the pussification of our youth.
    Soccer teams, baseball teams, cheerleading, etc – ALL kid make them now, because god forbid anyone practice to get BETTER or anything to make it the next time around.
    Gah I don’t even need to get started on this topic!

  11. claire says:

    I feel somewhat redeemed because nowhere in my HS grad speech did I say “BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!” or “THE FUTURE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT!”

    However, I did say, “The sleeper must awaken.” Overall, I’m proud of its message still, all these years later, and that’s a good metric for me.

  12. yellojkt says:

    In our area they don’t even name a valedictorian because that is too elitist.

  13. karla says:

    George W Bush spoke at my graduation.

    How’s that for suck?

  14. Troy says:

    Are co-principals like vice-principals or are they completely different?

  15. Dan says:

    Hey, the speech I gave 23 years ago rocked. I cant remember what I said other than I closed with the line from hill street blues: let’s be careful out there.

  16. arwa says:

    hi i am about to graduat my self
    can i use the moneky pic in my facebook acount
    relly big fan of the blog

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