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Posted on Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

Dave!I'm holding a Twitter contest!

Prepare yourself to win a fabulous prize package worth nearly FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS!!!

That's right... none of this lame-ass "Win an iPhone" bullshit that's being Re-Tweeted every five minutes... I'm giving away FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS in prizes! Just look at the cool stuff you can win...

A GULFSTREAM G550 JET! ($45,000,000 value)

Gulfstream G550

A PAIR OF 2009 FERRARI SCUDERIA F430s! ($600,000 value)

Ferrari F430 Scuderia


Queen Victoria Cruise

FOUR MILLION DOLLARS IN GOLD! ($4,000,000 value)

Gold Bars

TOTAL PRIZE VALUE: $49,680,000!!!

Here's all you have to do to enter...

  • Follow me on Twitter. It's so easy! Just get an account at Twitter if you don't already have one, then visit my Twitter page and click "Follow" under my picture.
  • Re-Tweet this contest. Simply login to your Twitter account and post "Re-Tweet: Win a Gulfstream jet, Ferarri Scuderia sports car, Around The World Cruise Vacation, and $4 million in gold!" Then RE-TWEET the Re-Tweet EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR UNTIL THE CONTEST ENDS IN SIX MONTHS!!
  • Donate to charity. Lastly, all you have to do is make a $50 million donation to the Foundation for a Better Dave's Monument Fund. I accept PayPal, Certified Check, or Money Order in US Dollars.

And that's it! Best of luck to everybody who enters!*

Or not.

Because I am so fucking sick and tired by all this stupid contest crap that is taking over everybody's favorite social media distraction.

When you fire up Twitter, it asks you one question: "What are you doing?

And, in the beginning, that's what people used Twitter for... quick little updates to let people know what they were up to in-between blog posts. But, like all things, Twitter inevitably evolved. Soon people were using it to say "good morning," ask questions, get advice, post photos, say random shit, and much more. Then Twitter abuse started happening. People started broadcasting personal conversations (even though that's what Direct Messages and Email are for). People started posting when their blog is updated (even though that's what a webfeed is for). People started selling shit (even though that's what eBay is for). And people even started... God help us... Twittering all the songs they listen to with "" (even though that's what is for). Then came the abomination known as SpyMaster. And so-on and so-on. People rarely say what they're doing anymore.

But the worst was yet to come.

Now companies (and even individuals) are holding contests. Usually for an iPhone. These contests require you to "Re-Tweet" their blog URL or some other annoying spam-like shit that clogs up the service and flushes it even further down the crapper of uselessness than it already is. As more and more people hop on the Twitter contest bandwagon, it's only going to get worse. I anticipate that pretty soon I'll be longing for the "good ol' days" when people were just every frickin' song they're listening to instead of re-Tweeting every damn contest that pops up.

But whatever.

I suppose it's just par for the course. The web was ruined when assholes started adding pop-ups and other annoying crap. Email was ruined when assholes started sending spam and unsolicited crap. It was only a matter of time before the assholes ruined Twitter with their contest-spam crap.

Oh well. So long as companies can count on Twitter users whoring their shit for one-in-a-million prize-winning odds... it's the cheapest way to advertise, and probably ain't going away any time soon.


* Prizes do not include taxes, duties, fees, delivery, or any other supplemental costs.

Tags: , ,
Categories: Blogging 2009Click To It: Permalink


  1. kyle says:

    even tho’ i’m guilty of a few of the things you mention (numbers’ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 & 7) – i gotta say woot woot to this. i hate all the bullshit on twitter. drives me to distraction and i’m already distracted enough.

  2. Hilly says:

    I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much right now. Okay, always.

    I love Twitter and don’t get as irritated with some of the stuff as you do HOWEVER it has gone too far. People and their “expert” marketing schemes and others using it for stupid other reasons. Plus, it’s making blogs feel more obsolete and I don’t like that.

  3. Um… ok. I feel like a dork for having my first contest on my blog in celebration of 5 years of marriage to HHH. I didn’t announce it or anything though….. just wanted to do something special and all.

  4. Dave2 says:

    Umm… I’m not talking about contests. I have contests all the time. I’m talking about having contests that require re-Tweets that clog up Twitter!

  5. m says:

    if the people you follow are doing that annoying shit, you should maybe reconsider why you’re following them.

    I don’t see about 95% of that crap. Granted, I only follow about 73 people, it’s a good 73 people. Clearly…there’s a Blogography guy in that bunch.

  6. OK then. I feel better. I have unfollowed people for all that, “Retweet” stuff. Clogs up the stream.

  7. martymankins says:

    I’m not Re-Tweeting this because there’s this blogger that I follow on Twitter that doesn’t like to see RT’s and blog update Twitter posts.

    Besides, gold is overrated. I’d much rather go see a concert or attend a blogger event.

  8. adena says:

    Well, I’m guilty of posting blog updates…ONLY because I’m like the one person left in the world who doesn’t use feedreaders…and I kinda appreciate it when people do it.

  9. claire says:

    I’m still pretty new to Twitter, so I’m spending my time blocking followers whose avatars are Britney porn.

  10. B.E. Earl says:

    But I still want the gold.

    Can you hook me up wit dat? Thanks!

    (I don’t do Twitter)

  11. It’s entirely possible to avoid this kind of crap… Mostly by carefully selecting those whom you follow on Twitter.

  12. The re-tweets make me cranky and I’ve unfollowed people for it too. Same with the That gets really old really fast! But I’ll plead guilty to posting updates, or rather having Twitterfeed post updates. I kind of like it when people do that because sometimes Google Reader takes forever to update.

  13. serap says:

    I’m really picky about who I follow on twitter and I immediately unfollow people who start using it for alternative uses… I couldn’t care less about offending them, it’s my little party and I decide who comes!

  14. ssp says:

    Love it that you’re giving me a PAIR of Ferraris. Just what I NEEDED!

  15. Queenie says:

    Mind if I RT this?

    No, just kidding. You’re right. You’re so right.

  16. LeSombre says:

    I likes the “FOUR MILLION DOLLARS IN GOLD! ($1,000,000 value)”. 😉

    Oh, and I’ll try to be a better Twitterer. I swear. 😉

  17. Avitable says:

    I do the blog post tweets because there are people who follow me on Twitter who don’t use feedreaders and this allows them to bask in my glory. I figure, let people use Twitter however it suits them. I have already started unfollowing people who do the spymaster game, and I just unfollow anyone who annoys me. That’s much easier.

  18. Robin says:

    Wow – tell us how you really feel, Dave!

    One of my good friends asked me yesterday whether using Twitter was preventing me from “living life amongst everyone else,” so to speak…at first I thought she was crazy. But now that I think about it, she’s probably right.

  19. jenny says:

    I love that the latest (or maybe I’m just noticing it) thing the spammers are doing is adding the popular hashtags of the moment to their BS tweets. So if you pull up #iranelection or #susanboyle or whatever, half of the tweets have nothing to do with the topic, but are just spam.

    Time for the next social media phenomenon…

  20. NYCWD says:

    I totally agree.

    But at the same time I think Twitter is WAY overhyped and I rarely pay attention to it as much as others do.

  21. Ren says:

    I’m with LeSombre — that’s some busted-ass gold you’ve got there that it depreciates by 75% after a single sentence!

    I don’t like the tweets, the redundant blog notifications (one is fine, but it seems that several people I follow have their blog updates tweet two or three times) or the contest retweets, but I find that I can scroll past them without much difficulty and without it really having any negative effect on my day. Still, with all of these twitter clients, why isn’t there one that filters *out* things I don’t want to see?

  22. karla says:

    I just got hit by a twitter ‘bot’ that FUCKING CENSORED ME FOR SWEARING. It trolls around and if it finds a swear word it sends you a little note that says ‘potty mouth alert! stop with the swearing”. I am LIVID. How DARE someone censor me via a robot! Lazy son of a bitch…..find me without your bot! Face me in person!

    This alone might break my twitter obsession. How arrogant! God I’m annoyed.

  23. Finn says:

    Although I am guilty of tweeting my blog updates (hey — it works!), I do agree about this contest stuff. I won’t enter any contest that requires my tweeting about it. I’m so tired of being marketed to at every single turn. I’m considering renting out space on my forehead for advertising just to see if anyone’s interested.

  24. Dave2 says:

    OKAY! The gold is now worth $4,000,000 again! 🙂

  25. I still don’t fully understand why people use twitter…doesn’t it just make your phone beep at you all day to share your friends thoughts on how they just bought a pack of gum?

  26. Jeff says:

    I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting an inordinate number of new “followers” lately from people I’ve never even heard of. Turns out they’re just spam machines. But I had to restrain myself from returning the one I got from “PornStoreClerk” today.

  27. the blip thing drives me crazy, but i scroll past em or unfollow. while i love that everyone can use twitter for their own purpose, i use it for mine. and won’t follow everyone simply because they follow me.

  28. Marie says:

    Just popped over from your guest post at Anissa’s… and AMEN to this post!! Nearly every blog I follow has started this nonsense. “Comment on the photo and get a headband just like my baby!”

    Oh please.

    I don’t Twitter because it’s lame. I have Facebook, and some people are twittering with it. Seriously, I don’t need to know you are having a cup of tea, or going to bed. Do they think they are celebrities?

  29. whitenoise says:

    I’m not a cool enough kid to tweet, but, uh, could I take the Gulfstream for a wee spin?

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