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Glasses

Posted on Thursday, July 17th, 2008

Dave!I had to change hotels.

Between the crazy bastards in neighboring rooms and the cigarette smoke that was pouring in non-stop, I didn't have much choice. I had been awake from 4:00am Pacific time Wednesday to 1:00pm Eastern time Thursday... 29 hours... and simply had to get some sleep. That was never going to happen at my first hotel, so I moved to a different one with a crowd that's a bit more reserved.

For the most part.

There are still people driving into the parking lot at 10:00pm with their country music blasting so loud that the windows are shaking... and a mother standing on the balcony screaming at her kids in the swimming pool... but now it's 11:00pm and everything is blissfully quiet (I can't even hear the forest of cicadas outside!).

But none of that is important right now.

What's important is how hot I don't look in glasses.

For comparison, let's start with a photo of me taken last week while I was iChatting with my friend Meagan as I got ready for work in the morning. You can break it down however you like but, damn, I am totally hot here...

Dave looking hot!

Which is not to say I always look fantastically hot. Unlike Sizzle, I do take bad pictures, and have a tendency to look constipated half the time. Especially when Meagan snaps me in mid-sentence...

Dave looking constipated and still hot.

But whenever I put on a pair of glasses, my hotness evaporates. After 29 hours in contact lenses, I decided to give my eyes a rest, and was horrified when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror...

Dave looking totally un-hot.

Not only do I look eerily un-hot, I give off kind of a sexual predator vibe.

At work today, I had to wear protective glasses, and didn't fare any better. I look like a homicidal maniac...

Dave looking totally un-hot.

Most people look kind of hot-cool in sunglasses. I don't. I look kind of pervy-scary...

Un-Hot Dave

Last night I thought my glasses curse had finally been broken.

I went to the local SUPER WAL-MART to get a replacement charger for my iPhone (mine got busted in my suitcase) and saw a massive display for Hannah Montana school supplies that included a FREE pair of Hannah Montana 3-D glasses for the upcoming broadcast of her "Best of Both Worlds Tour" movie. Thinking I had finally found glasses that wouldn't destroy my hotness, I grabbed a pair...

Dave rocking a pair of Hannah Montana 3-D glasses hotness!

Not bad. Not bad at all.

And I must say that the world is looking quite a bit better when seen through Hannah Montana glasses.

Which is why I wish I had them when I was on my way back from work today.

I was driving by a pasture where some cows were shading themselves under some trees. Thinking I could use a mental break, I decided to stop for a minute. You have a whole different appreciation for cows when you don't see them as food, and I find them to be gentle, soulful animals that are fun to be around.

But as I walked up to the fence, the cows were indifferent to me. One cow even turned away from me... kind of a bovine snub, if you will. I was okay with it because I was wearing my pervy-scary sunglasses and could hardly blame the cow for not wanting to look at me, but it didn't end there.

That's when the cow lifted its tail and proceeded to dump ten gallons of urine in my direction.

What a bitch!

I didn't get peed on, but it sure put a damper on my wanting to commune with nature today.

It also made me hungry for a steak for some reason.

Tomorrow I get to head back to the big city of Atlanta where, hopefully, I'll have better email access so I can get caught up on work back home. My new hotel doesn't allow you to send email (some kind of anti-spammer effort?) and webmail seems to be broken.

Unfortunately, my Hannah Montana glasses have been no help at all.

But I am looking 3-D hot, and that's something.


Categories: Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Howard says:

    I could just kiss you.

  2. Iron Fist says:

    I think if you’d been wearing the Hannah Montana glasses when you visited the cows, you might have made some new friends. Instead of, you know, almost getting peed on.

  3. Nice try. Although I happen to love the Artificial Duck baseball hat, I also think that you look just fine in glasses, but that combining it with a cap dorks it up about ten notches!

  4. Jeff says:

    Maybe you just need some square-ish frames instead of the oval-ish ones.

  5. “And I must say that the world is looking quite a bit better when seen through Hannah Montana glasses.”

    Quote of the day.

  6. Sarah says:

    I think the picture of you in the protective glasses is cute. But then I think all your pictures are cute as you are a pretty entertaining guy.

  7. Dash says:

    Beards and Glasses don’t mix. It’s just asking for trouble…

  8. Actually the sunglasses look is quite good for you. If you dressed up in a suit as well I’d assume you were from the matrix.

  9. adena says:

    Okay, I’ll give you that the protective glasses aren’t quite cutting it, but you don’t look bad in normal glasses at all, you freak!

  10. I think you look hot in sunglasses :)

  11. carlos.m.hernandez says:

    You’re being a bit hard on yourself. You do have specs-appeal.

    However, the bombshell is correct. Specs and that hat do not mix.

    Do they make Hello Kitty glasses? I think the world would look even better through those than the Hanna Montana ones.

  12. Dave2 says:

    Howard… Wait a second… aren’t you moving in with Cameron pretty soon?? Is he okay with you kissing random internet dorks you meet online??

    Iron Fist… I know! Lesson learned!

    Bombshell… Meagan says I have that “useless dork look” to me… I think that pretty much sums it up!

    Jeff… Given the square-ish nature of the Hannah Montana frames, you might be right!

    Kevin Spencer… Quote of the millennia, I dare say! Though the Hannah Montana fad is going to fade any day now, so maybe that’s pushing it a bit far.

    Sarah… Yes, entertaining in a pervy-scary way! :-)

    Dash… But, oddly enough, Ryan Reynolds can pull it off in his “Chaos Theory” movie. That guy can pull off anything, the bastard!

    Guru… Have you been taking The Red Pills again? :-D

    Adena… And looking like a freak in glasses is a good thing?!?

    Kazza… That’s just because I’m in Georgia, and the air conditioner in my hotel room can’t keep up with the 110-degree temperatures outside!

    Carlos… I don’t know that I’m macho enough to pull off wearing Hello Kitty glasses. Barbie glasses, maybe… but Hello Kitty?

  13. Oh please. You look hot in all of your glasses. Except for the Hannah Montana glasses – those are the scariest damn things I’ve seen in a long time. You look like an alien who materialized naked on Earth and had to raid the Artificial Duck store to find clothes. It’s probably to do with the fact that they aren’t meant for someone with your sized head so the eyeholes don’t totally match up with your eyes.

    Still – that last picture gives me the heebie-jeebies just looking at it. All you need to do is be screaming “I’M GOING TO EAT YOUR BRAAAAAAAAAIIIIINS!” to make the creepiness complete.

    Stick to the other glasses, babe.

  14. jenny says:

    you should wear the hannah montana 3-d glasses OVER your real glasses. kind of like you just came from the eye doctor. sexxxxay!

  15. Alexander says:

    Oh Dave, don’t be silly…you look hot no matter what. Okay, maybe not in your safety glasses OR the Hannah Montana glasses (sorry to burst your bubble), but you continually rock my world otherwise…

  16. karla says:

    Why is no one mentioning that you posted two pictures off DAVE WITHOUT A SHIRT!

    No shirt aside, I think you look fine in glasses. You should go get some totally nerdy/trendy glasses (check out Kirk Orgiginals) and just go with the dweebyness. That’s what I finally did. when you are as blind as we are, why try to pretend like we don’t wear glasses? Embrace the geek!

    The Hannah Montana’s ARE a bit scary….

  17. Pattie says:

    You are crazy, I think you look hot both in the glasses and not in the glasses.

  18. Jeff says:

    So who’s Meagan and why is she taking pictures of you in the morning with no clothes on? Did I miss a post somewhere about something?

  19. No glasses – hawt!
    Glasses and hat – Yeah, you’re ready for a sci-fi/computer convention. Total geek.

    And having to change hotels because of the lack of sleep and cigarette smoke? Sorry ’bout that. Major suckage.

  20. Avitable says:

    Will 3D glasses make my penis look even larger?

  21. claire says:

    I think you’re looking pretty hot in your shades. Lenses that aren’t totally black would probably reduce the perv factor.

  22. Kris says:

    I’d pay cash money to see Howald kiss you. And Jeff’s right – smaller, more squar-ish frames would suit you better. Or even totally round glasses. The mongo ovals just don’t do it for your face shape.

    Ur still hawt tho. *snerk*

    I’m glad you got to move hotels. That smoke thing would’ve killed me (literally).

  23. Tug says:

    You look like John Cusak in the shades – SO not a bad thing, but maybe you should try for the bigass star or heart-shaped sunglasses?

  24. how about showing us dave in a goatee, then dave with a mustache…

  25. Heeeeyyyy, where’d my comment on your hawtness go?

  26. Dave2 says:

    Librarian… Well, heaven only knows I love me some fresh brains, so you might be right!

    Jenny… Now THERE’S a solution I can work with!

    Alexander… I refuse to accept that my Hannah Montana glasses are not entirely sexy-hot! I can only guess that you are not a fan of Hannah Montana, and are saying this just to disrespect her greatness!

    Karla… You only say that because you’ve found the perfect frames and look completely hot in glasses! :-D

    Pattie… Well, I am crazy, that much I will admit… CRAZY HOT IN HANNAH MONTANA 3-D GLASSES!!

    Jeff… Meagan is a long-time friend who is responsible for all the little “Dave” photos that precede each of my entries. Taking embarrassing photos of people is what she does!

    Granddaughter… Maybe I should just take up smoking? THAT WAY I COULD BE SMOKING HOT IN MY HANNAH MONTANA 3-D GLASSES!

    Avitable… Depends on which way you put them on. One way, they make it look bigger… the other way they shrink it to the size of a pencil eraser…

    Claire… Alas, I need the darkest lenses possible because my eyes are highly sensitive to sunlight. So I guess I’m stuck looking like a perv. Or a vampire. Or a vampire perv.

    Kris… Hey, for enough money, even I would pay to see Howard kiss me! I’m a real whore for cash like that… but daddy’s got bills to pay!

    Tug… I don’t know that I could pull-off the Elton John look. Though I do think Hello Kitty sunglasses might be an option for me…

    Hello… I actually did that once…
    Meagan Wins
    (the story about it is here)

    Kris… All comments are held for approval, and I don’t always get around to approving them right away. Sorry about that. :-(

  27. Tug says:

    OK, but if you do the Hello Kitty, you totally know you need the tiara back to finish the look, right?

  28. Dave2 says:

    GAH! BITCHES STOLE MY TIARA!!!

  29. Tug says:

    HOLE! CELEBRITY SKIN!!!

  30. Winter says:

    I don’t have the tiara anymore. I handed it off to Karl while we were at Norm’s. He took it to BlogHer. You never know what kind of trouble it will get into there!

    BTW… I love a man with freckles on his shoulders. It’s soooo cute!

  31. Whitenoise says:

    Dude, if I was a chick, I’d be totally over-powered by your hotness.

  32. Michelle says:

    On the way to work the bus has to travel past fields of cows and sheep and i got to thinking that cows are actually kinda cute. They look so laid back, but then, i’ve never seen the look of terror on a cows’ face as it is faced with death, all to make said tasty steak. Kinda puts you off a little!

  33. Kailey says:

    With glasses it is all about the frames. Some glasses I look okay in, others I just look dumb. In fact the right frames are so hard to find that if my prescription changes I have them use the old frames if possible.

    You look good in the sunglasses, oh yeah and I think the point about the hat+glasses=dorky is right on.

  34. Lisa says:

    That’s my problem…I need to look at life through 3D glasses and put the rose-colored glasses out to pasture…with those cows.

    You make me laugh…thanks!

  35. ChillyWilly says:

    The sunglasses look best, although a close 2nd is those 3-D glasses.

    I wear a goatee once a week before I have to shave it off.

    My ringtone for your number on my phone is HOLE Celebrity Skin. How about that?

  36. kapgar says:

    Exactly how do protective glasses play into the life of a graphic designer? You expecting the computer to explode?

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