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Posted on Friday, July 18th, 2008

Dave!Today while I was dining at some nameless chain restaurant, a fight broke out. Since I was eating a late lunch, there were only a couple other customers there to hear it. This is a shame because the battle which ensued was truly epic and deserved of a much larger audience. Apparently some guy had done some gal wrong, and she was not going to let him get away unscathed.

Attacks were vicious, covering everything from looks and personal hygiene to family and relationships. From what I could tell, the woman had not actually had sex with the guy she was screaming at, but that didn't stop her from laying down a laundry list of perceived sexual inadequacies she felt he should know about.

This was the last straw for the guy, who called her a whore and then provided her with a series sex acts she would gladly perform for the bargain price of $5.

One of the restaurant staff who was cowering on the sidelines with his co-workers took the opportunity to yell "YOU NEED TO TAKE THIS OUTSIDE NOW OR WE'RE CALLING THE POLICE!"

At which point the man and woman stopped fighting with each other and started yelling obscenities at the staff.

They then resumed fighting and left.


In the same car.


Which is kind of a shame, because I had $5 burning a hole in my pocket.

Categories: Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink


  1. Hey, that sounds like my first marriage!

  2. ajooja says:

    I just love being witness to stuff like that. The bad thing is that everyone always tells me they can tell what I’m thinking by the look on my face. It always ends up with someone turning on me and asking something like, “What the fuck are you looking at?”

  3. kat says:

    good god, i miss the south.

  4. Tuli says:

    Did they pay their tab or skip out on the check? I bet it was a ruse so they didn’t have to pay for their beer.

  5. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    How does angst always find you no matter where you go? Seriously. Poorly-stocked restaurants, getting screwed by the Web Kinz(sp?) store, mushroom-laden burger-like patties that nearly kill you the in aforementioned poorly-stocked restaurants, hotel rooms above the R.J. Reynolds family, a man and woman fighting about the going rate of her blow jobs, etc.. Why, Dave? What’s with your karmic armageddon these days?

  6. Dave2 says:

    Kris… Maybe they should GET married… at least then they’d have an excuse for acting like that!

    Ajooja… I was half-way across the restaurant and fairly well-shielded from the drama. I doubt they even knew I was there (which might explain how they were acting… or not!).

    Kat… I dunno. I think this kind of public spectacle could happen anywhere nation-wide! I saw something similar in Boston years ago.

    Tuli… It was a fast food chain restaurant, so they had to pay after ordering. If it was a ruse I don’t know who they’d be trying to fool. Though people get their kicks on the strangest things, so who can say?

    Sir… I dunno. I think everybody sees things like this going on, but they just dismiss it, whereas I blog about it! Either that, or something in my karma attracts strange crap into my life. 🙂

  7. Benjamin says:

    Oh man, Haha. Dave you have some experiences. My brother recently went down south. He has a pretty good story about a Mastadon Tooth. You can read it here if you a) care, or b) have time.

  8. Nick Burns says:

    it’s been long enough where if she wasn’t some kind of freak- that $5 would’ve been offered up immediately.

    She’ll obviously take it where she can get it.

  9. RW says:

    Oh YEAH! Well I bet MY sexual inadequacies are bigger than YOURS!


  10. Winter says:

    That happens in the ghetto as well as the south. I could swear I’ve heard the same argument in Spanish here in Santa Ana.

  11. ETinNY says:

    Whew! I was afraid it was going to be another restaurant/veggie burger incident complete with a thermonuclear meltdown and Dave 2 doing a Rumplestilskin-hissy-fit, stamping his foot, and going right thru the floor.
    Kudos on the $5 remark. I’m sure the neighbors were wondering what I was laughing about.

  12. Howard says:

    I’ll do it for $2 ($3 if you make me wear lipstick.)

  13. Whitenoise says:

    Equal parts funny and sad with a cup and a half of embarassing…

  14. Sue says:

    hehehe. You could probably find better quality somewhere else for that $5.

  15. Kyra says:

    Don’t you have a phone that captures video? Come on! 😉

    Got your shirt today. I was immediately banned from wearing it to the gym by hubby (the pump your monkey one.) *snicker*

  16. Whit says:

    That’s just good ol’awesome.

  17. delmer says:

    Sometimes people provide entertainment when you least expect it. You gotta love ’em.

  18. Rachel says:

    Well they couldn’t leave the fight unfinished!

  19. Avitable says:

    If only the iPhone captured video . . .

  20. Stacey says:

    Hmmm. They left together you say? Maybe that wasn’t a fight. Maybe that was foreplay.

  21. jewelz916 says:

    I once witnessed a full-on ‘throw down’ fight between a female store security guard and a female shp-lifter. They were going at it, pieces of pieces of hair and weave were flying around, fists were landing on faces, clothes were getting torn; it was a massive cat-fight. I stood in the mall entrance and screamed “Stop It! Just Stop It!!!” because I’m sure my voice of reason would have halted the whole tawdry ordeal. My hubby looked at me like I’d grown another head and said, “Yeah…that’ll take care of things.” Then a police officer took our names and we got subpoenaed to appear in court and testify about what we saw. Hubby was NOT happy with me, needless to say. Now, if I see a fight, I might watch but I make sure to hightail it outta sight before the authorities appear!

  22. kapgar says:

    Oh that is just a perfect closing line.

  23. Aw, yeah! Gotta love the south!

  24. Mary says:

    “In the same car.” How classic is that?

  25. whall says:

    Maybe they were serving as a distraction for their friends across the room who stiffed the waiter on a VERY large check…

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