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Slammed

Posted on Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

Dave!Today as I was driving home from work, I was following a car that had been custom-slammed to the pavement so hard that even the slightest bump in the road made it bottom out. Because of this, the dumbass driver never went over 10 miles per hour the entire time I had to follow his stupid ass.

For the life of me, I don't understand the appeal of modifying a car like this for everyday use.

Even if you think it looks cool to lower your car to ridiculous levels, it's not as if you look cool while driving it. You look like a total tool who can't go the speed limit. That's just sad. And irritating. And should be illegal.

Or punishable by death.

And speaking of death...

After my Webkinz monkey was ripped off by the Webkinz eStore, I've been having to deal with an ever-escalating amount of violence as he seeks revenge. I didn't mind at first, but he's been making a real mess lately. And here he goes again...

Stupid Dog

The remainder of this entry NOT appropriate for children or those who are traumatized by cartoon violence!

Monkey Immolation

Burning Dog!

Oh great... now my blog smells like burnt dog.

That's an odor that even Febreze can't help with.


Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Chris says:

    It burns it burns. Good thing there’s a cream for that!

  2. Carl says:

    Maybe Oust can get the smell out?

  3. Avitable says:

    Can I vote for “defenestration” to be one of the next ones?

  4. OMG!! That’s just…..torture!!

    I gotta say, the Webkinz monkey is getting sicker by the day….maybe he needs therapy?

  5. ADW says:

    I keep coming back for more Webkinz death and destruction. It’s my morning must do now. Please don’t make up with those people; I want to see how many different ways you can destroy a virtual creature…..

  6. ~jtm says:

    May not be (small) children appropriate, but my teens love it! I have read them every episode.

  7. NYCWD says:

    Where’s the mustard?

  8. 7aki Fadi says:

    HAHAHAHA. This and the Ebola are my fave’s

  9. Winter says:

    I think in the next one, the victim needs to get that Fistula thingy. Immolation sounds like a walk in the park next to that.

  10. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    Y’know, I’m kind of surprised that the Webkinz Store even sells matches and gasolines. Especially to a homicidal monkey.

  11. nicole says:

    “and thats the rock where the leprechaun lives, he tell’s me to burn things”

    oh fuzzy little monkey when will the violence stop!! however it sure is mighty entertaining so it could go for a wee bit more

  12. Naomi says:

    RE: “Pimpin’ rides” I’ve seen a set of $3K rims on a car–that even in good condition–would only be worth about $2500.

    Why anyone would put that much $$ into a depreciating expense is beyond me.

    Ooh–and while I’m ranting–anyone who lowers a truck should be committed (at the very least). It’s a TRUCK.

  13. ETinNY says:

    Hopefully, you just let him burn himself out. If you threw any water on him then he’d have been a burned-wet dog and wet dog smells pretty bad by itself. The two combined might not have been worth it.

  14. bluepaintred says:

    Best one yet!

    Although, I have a five lemon Drop gems I am willing to donate to the cause . . . (if the cause is shoving them up his stupid curio ass!)

  15. That monkey is so cute… Even when he’s homicidal.

  16. Howard says:

    It’s so wonderful that you are using your blog to take out your aggressions and only killing virtual people.

  17. Charlene says:

    dave~~ funny post~~i love your sense of humor
    and you were very funny last night at jesters

  18. claire says:

    My car already has the potential to bottom out more than I’d like it too. I can’t imagine wanting to lower it.

  19. Tracy Lynn says:

    I think the immolation is my favorite part of your ceaseless whining. More shit should be blown up, is what I’m saying.

  20. ChillyWilly says:

    In the words of Beavis: “FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!”

    Or

    In the lyrics of Bloodhound Gang: “We don’t need no water, let the motherf–cker burn… burn motherf–cker”

    What other mayhem is Webkinz monkey going to inflict on the masses? Tune in for another exciting adventure…

  21. Ugh, I get so irritated by those who “trick out” their cars like that. The other day one of those douchebags cut me off and I was shaking my head mumbling yes but you’re still driving a bloody 10 year old Honda Civic you loser.

    You don’t have a Honda Civic do you Dave? If so, what I meant to say was that I mumbled to the douchebag: I love Honda Civics and I’m horrified at what you’ve done to the poor thing you loser.

    Ahem.

  22. Troy says:

    Death to the Webkinz empire!!! Bwah ha ha ha ha!

  23. Janna says:

    I like Avitable’s suggestion.
    Defenestration is nice….
    There’s also electrocution, piranha, and falling onto a bed of nails.
    Ooooh, ooh, and exploding suppositories!

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