Maintaining my smoldering hot looks is not as easy as you would think.
Especially when I occasionally have to get mutant oil glands electrocuted off my face. This is a completely horrible procedure which entails a visit to the dermatologist. Not because they're really noticeable or anything... but because they're annoying. They're like tiny little bumps that get caught on everything.
At first I was going to post a picture of my current post-electrocuted self, but I didn't want to scare people. Instead I decided to illustrate the procedure with DaveToons. I think it's safer for everybody involved.
First you get stabbed in the face repeatedly with a needle to numb the areas that are going to get electrocuted...
The numbing injections, as you would expect, sting like a muthafraker and numb your face. But they also leave the nasty white splotches everywhere...
As soon as you've been suitably numbed, the dermatologist uses an electric scalpel to carve up your face. It's kind of like an arc-welder, where a fine-tipped instrument shoots jolts of electricity that cuts and cauterizes at the same time. The cauterization is kind of cool, because it means you don't leave the office a bloody mess. Instead you leave with little scorch marks all over...
The next morning your white splotches are gone, and only the little burnt scabs remain. But once you take a shower, the scabs fall off. This leaves your face a bleeding mess for a few hours (this is the stage I'm at now)...
After a few days, the morning bloodletting subsides and you're left with little pink scars...
Since the scars are superficial, they fade away in about three weeks, revealing my hot sexy self once again...
And there you have it. See the kind of stuff I have to go through in order to be pretty for you?
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It must be hard to be as good looking as you
omg! this has been one of the scariest dave toon posts I have ever viewed.
You deserve a hug.
The point is that it’s WORTH IT. Because you are SO pretty.
Are you sure you’re only 20% gay? This post added about 2%. Maybe 3.
Odd, yesterday while you were rejuvenated I was taking pictures at a Dermatologist. They have this _amazing_ new laser thingy that will change your life and looks foreva!
ummmmmmmmmmmmm, yeah. thanks for that.
(hope you heal quickly)
You had me at mutant oil glands.
So that’s how you look so young and wrinkle-free.
Um, OMFG Dave!!
OW!!!!
Just reading that gave me goosebumps and made MY face hurt! Bloody Hell! (literally) I hope you are doing ok….
I took Accutane for a while in my early twenties and sometimes I wonder if I have a baby if it will be purple with two heads. Love those derm visits!
Ouch, I’m traumatized just reading about it.
And we appreciate it, Dave.
Wow, that’s a lotta hell to go through to be beautiful, though.
Looking forward to the Daveattle 2 Blogger Meet! Keep me posted!!!!!
the bleeding mess is my favorite one.
(i should probably seek help.)
Damn, Dave! Tell us it’s all worth it in the end.
Oh Davey-Joe, you’re so “blog hot”…*snort*.
(Nobody roast me on a spit please. It’s a joke)
Okay, get this: I’ll take chemo over this any day. Of course, this wouldn’t be happening if you didn’t have your face in my buttered biscuit.
oh Dave you know we would love you anyway but it’s true your very sexy with your bloody and scaby face!!
Nobody every said being a sex symbol was easy, Dave.
Mmmmm….that’s hawt. But seriously…have you seen your allergist yet? I’ve been wondering if you found out what is making you sick yet. I’ve developed an unfortunate avocado allergy in the last year…so I feel your pain!
Is this how you got talked into this procedure…
Dave2: Does our room have a view of the whole beach?
Dermatologist: No but you will have a great view from the “electric needle room”
Dave2: Wow, really the whole beach?
Dermatologist: Yes from the “electric needle room”
Mutant oil glands?
And you got rid of them?
They may have HELPED you in your plan to take over the world…geez.
It’s really Botox, isn’t it?
GROSS.
😀
Hey, Dave, get a styptic pencil. My dad had one for shaving cuts and I used to steal it when I was a teenager to stop bleeding from zitpicking.
OMG that is so gross. But I will admit it for the greater good. Because I’m a GIVER.
Thank you. Thank you, Dave, for going through all that to be your prettiest possible self for Daveattle.
Hey, it’s not easy being you. “First you get stabbed in the face repeatedly with a needle”. NICE.
Ouch!
I know what you mean about those “numbing shots”. A few years ago I had to have a possibly pre-cancerous mole removed from my face.
(My grandmother AND great-grandmother both had cancerous moles, and mine, on my cheek near my jawbone, was behaving suspiciously as well).
Anyway, my doctor/dermatologist at the time decided it was best to remove it.
Holy crap, ouch ouch ouch ouch!!!
I know what you mean about the bleeding, too.
Yikes.
So, um… it’s been about seven years since that happened… when exactly should I start becoming beautiful? I’ve been waiting….
Surely it will happen any day now.
This is the final stage before leprosy makes your testicles fall off, right? And I’d like to request cartoons for that one as well, thank you very much.
So what the hell are oil glands?
Are the villagers going to stone me if I say I’d like to play dot to dot with the little pink scars? Yeah, I thought so. Guess I’ll keep my Sharpie to myself. Hope your face gets better fast, and your hand isn’t swollen any more.
Ugh… And I thought that I was the only one who knew the secret torture of dermatologist’s visits. Remember to put sunscreen on while you’re in that pink stage!
I found all that strangely sexy…..
:o)