It was only a matter of time...
For far too long I've been dissatisfied with the condoms available on the market. So many different brands, styles, colors, and flavors... yet none of them get it right.
Until now.
Because I've decided to create my own condom.
D•A•V•E Condoms™ are for the discriminating gentleman who sees advertisements for other brands saying "FOR HER PLEASURE" and thinks What about ME?
Well I hear that.
Here at D•A•V•E Condoms™, we've used cutting-edge technology to build propolactics that will not only thrill the ladies with their exclusive DAVE-WAVE™ ribbing and chocolate pudding scent, but will also provide hours of pleasure for the fellas thanks to our DAVE-RAVE™ bio-electric warming gel.
When released this June, everyone will finally be able to experience the ultimate pleasure that only D•A•V•E can provide. So when you think of sex... think of me! Think of D•A•V•E Condoms™
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so… every time I use one of these, I’ll be having sex with D.A.V.E??
marketing genius my friend!
You can’t see it from there, but as I type this, my head is in the oven. The ELECTRIC oven. That’s the damage you’ve done.
I’ve been WAITING for this moment! Finally! Where do you put the batteries?
Oh. My. Word.
There’s just something about a monkey on a condom that seems…I just don’t know but it makes me giggle like a school girl.
Is this an April Fool’s joke???
Sweet!
Ha! this is the best thing EVER.
Oh Dave, you know most of us are already thinking of you when we have sex…
Chocolate… pudding…
When can I pre-order a case?
Genius! Where do I sign??
Is it coincidence that the dave-toon at the top of the page is the Gay Pride Pink Angel Dave? Hmmmm!
PLEASE tell me you are going to follow through on this…is there such a thing as boutique-branded condoms? I hope so! Christmas is coming, and condoms make a great gift! (Wow, that sounds like a bad dirty joke.)
Sounds cool, but I’d feel uneasy about a condom that is ‘cutting edge’. Sounds painful.
“Dick Activated Vaginal Equipment”?
Wait. What does D.A.V.E stand for?
Do the Anal Virginity Erradication?
But. . . I already think of you when I think of sex.
Tori… Yes. Why should the pleasures of Dave be available to only a select few? Now everybody can have sex with Dave!
Tracy Lynn… There are easier ways of drying your hair, Tracy!
Karl… It’s a chemical reaction! No batteries included!
Lisa… Monkeys WEARING condoms makes ME laugh like a little school girl!
JTM… Well, that’s what happens when you flavor condoms like chocolate pudding! Everybody wants a lick!
Amanda… Better than sliced bread? Just maybe…
Beth… Yes, I figured as much. 🙂
Watchdog… I think they’ll initially be sold exclusively at Target and the Artificial Duck Store!
Penelope… Hey, DAVE Brand Condoms are equal opportunity condoms… they’re great for gays and straights alike!
Tracy… With DAVE Brand Condoms… everybody will be coming!
Neil… Only the technology is cutting edge… the condoms are like velvet, baby!
Avitable… Vaginal equipment is not included… but a lot easier to come by, thanks to that chocolate pudding scent!
Guru… Dave’s Always Very Exciting?
Sizzle… Yes, well, now the rest of the world will too! 😀
… I just realized it’s April Fools Day.
But know, that if you DID sell your own branded condoms – would be so there.
So there that I have come out of blogstalking to say so.
Best,
me
And now I’m all hot and bothered! June? Waiting until then will be… frustrating…
But if I have them…will the men come?
I would love to reach for you, Dave! 😉
And to go along with your new product, you can go to the new theme park where I am sure there are many ladies who would appreciate them!
Hear me coming but you got no change
Don´t worry baby it can be arrange(d).
seriously, chocolate pudding!:-)
It´s official. You are fuh reaky *hehe*
I look forward to seeing DAVE in truckstop bathrooms everywhere!
Chocolate pudding? hehehehe. I’m on board for those!
Well the monkey’s mouth is open–that’s a good start.
In perusing the comments above-I saw my name and couldn’t remember having replied just yet. My thoughts-
a. I’m having sex with D.A.V.E. every time I use those condoms.
b. D.A.V.E. is calling my name, and I haven’t even bought them yet.
c. I am far too much woman for D.A.V.E. to handle.
“DAVE-WAVE™” + “chocolate pudding scent” = WIN
ZOMG! Chocolate pudding scent? Freaking awesome. Put me down for two cases!
I’d like to be the exclusive distributor for the European marketplace.
Is there any question that we think of anyone but you when it comes to sex? Maybe Karl, but you for sure?
I read this at work where you were fondly referred to as “condom boy” by my coworker all day ;).
I love you on April 1st. Well everyday but today is special cause there’s talk of pudding gloves and such,
Might I suggest a bottle opener at the base. It could come in handy.
Dave, you never mentioned if your “Dave Condoms” will come in extra-extra large size….?
Awesome ! Very good idea !
P.S. Of course… when I think about sex… I think of you !
Kachina… If I would have known it took a condom to hear from you again, I’d have done this ages ago!
Bec… Now I feel bad for getting your hopes up. 🙁
Tug… Most certainly! I think that’s a given. 🙂
Gina… DAVE Condoms are the next best thing!
Brittopia… Ah, but I’ve got a theme park of my own!
Göran… I should get Tom Waits to endorse my condoms! That’s a great idea!
Jenny… As well you should! DAVE Codoms vending machines will offer the convenience of last-minute protection with the delicious pleasure only DAVE can offer!
Sue… Everybody loves chocolate pudding! That’s why it’s the perfect flavor for DAVE Condoms!
Turnbaby… Um… yeah… but it would be a big mistake to put anything in there. Anything you want to keep, that is.
TSM… All of those could be true. Well, except “C”… I have very large hands.
Mew… Yes, with DAVE Condoms, everybody wins! Delicious!
Bluepainted… Wow… uhhhh… that’s a lot of condoms! Despite the delicious flavor, I assure you these are not edible! 🙂
Anthony… The love of chocolate pudding condoms will surely appeal to the entire world, so I’ll put you down for a couple hundred thousand cases!
Absurdist… Well, if there is any doubt, it will be totally erased after DAVE Condoms are released!
Hilly-Sue… Hey, by the end of the year my delicious DAVE Condoms will have people calling me BILLIONAIRE BOY! I think I can live with Condom Boy in the meanwhile.
Jake… I dunno… sounds painful! But considering there’s never a bottle opener around when you need one, I’m thinking there really SHOULD be condoms with bottle openers on them!
Harold… I made them for my own use so, initially at least, they will ONLY be available in Extra Large! Other sizes will follow…
Laurence… I am full of million-dollar good ideas! It’s a mystery to me as to why I don’t yet have a million dollars!
well I guess you just lost a sale then becuase me and hubs don’t need these for contraceptive purposes. I was thinking they would make great lunch snacks for the kids.
Are you Sure they are not edible? Not even a little?
I don’t think that latex is very healthy to consume.
But I suppose you could suck the delicious chocolate pudding flavoring off of them like a lolipop, then toss them out once the taste has gone!
I’d rather just suck the chocolate pudding off of you… Oh, wait. Damn. That wasn’t supposed to be out loud. Sorry. I’ve been an quivering jelly ever since you answered my question about your bad monkey on Hilly’s show. Great idea for condoms though! If I had a penis, I’d buy them!
“Bio-electric warming gel?” Is that like what’s in those heatwraps that activate once they are exposed to air? Dude. Better get that chemical reaction right or else instead of “throbbing members” you’ll end up with crispy critters.
And when they heat up, isn’t there a risk they’ll smell like burnt chocolate pudding?
And what happens if one breaks? I think I can do with out my vagina being bio-electrically warmed…
But otherwise they sound wonderful, Dave! ;-P The packaging is especially cute.
I knew I should’ve held off on ordering from Artificial Duck for the time being. Damn!
So….will these be party favors at TequilaCon?
No lime Coke flavor?
Hey. Where’d my comment go?
I think this is my favourite of all of my favourites of your posts… Brilliant 🙂
Winter… Maybe you could buy them for somebody you know who isn’t penile-challenged? They make a great gift!
Librarian… “Warm” is the best way to eat chocolate pudding!
Kapgar… DAVE Condoms have free shipping, so no worries!
Robin… Sure, but you really don’t want to know what you have to do to get one. 🙂
Gary… I couldn’t get a license from the Coca-Cola Company, the bastards!
Kapgar… I dunno… where was the last place you remember seeing it?
Suze… Then I guess I should add it to my “Best Of” page?
@ Dave – Then I will definitely purchase DAVE condoms if ever they come on market. Besides, they have a monkey on the package and monkeys make me smile. 🙂
The chocolate pudding feature is by far the best.
Can’t believe I missed out on a great April 1st product announcement. Hope there’s still time to place my pre-order.