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Posted on Monday, March 17th, 2008


Not wanting to invite any sexual-harassment-style ass-pinching, I was raiding my closet this morning for something green to put on. This is not a color I usually wear, so the pickings were pretty slim. Fortunately, I remembered that I had 250 "A Little Geeky" shirts laying around, so everything worked out okay.

Until I got to the mini market.

"HA! HA! THAT'S NOT GREEN!" an acquaintance I barely remember shrieks as she gives me a titty-twister in front of the beverage cooler. "Ow! Hey! This is green!" I cry while trying to rub some feeling back into my mangled nipple. "Well, that's not St. Patrick's Day green... it's more like an olive green" she replies still cackling with laughter. "Well, shit... I guess I didn't realize they changed the rules. Used to be that green was green" I whimper.

Ha ha ha very funny, bitch.

I was this close to punching her in the face, but then I remembered I don't do violence and had to settle for mentally bitch-slapping her instead.

What a way to start my day.

I'd run out and have entirely too much green beer tonight, but the consequences of such behavior could be catastrophic...

Dave Vomit

Nobody likes green beer puke. Nobody.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink


  1. adena says:

    I have a bright green shamrock tattooed on the top of my foot, and it is clearly visible today.

    If anyone pinches me I’ll fucking kick them.


  2. John says:

    I dunno Dave. You’ve managed to make that green beer puke look kinda refreshing. Very Mountain Dewey. Maybe the real life version is less appealing.

    Happy Day ya Mics ya!

  3. Kyra says:

    Ugh! See, why do people pinch each other?!?! I used to be black and blue from it. Freakin’ mean.

    ‘course… I might have chased you around to pinch you just once. But I wouldn’t have “mangled” anything in the process.

  4. sizzle says:

    Love the animated Davetoon puking. (Gross! Ha ha!)

    I think it’s wrong to titty twist a guy unless you’re ready to get that same treatment right back.

  5. RW says:

    Beer puke isn’t green if drinking stout.

  6. Mr. Fabulous says:

    I, too, have been pinched today. Most action I have had in quite a while.

  7. Hm, I thought olive green was green, too. Fuck her.

  8. Avitable says:

    Nipple pinching is fun.

  9. tori says:

    green is green… she was wrong… and your story made my nipples hard…

  10. Turnbaby says:

    YOu know, the puking would have been so much crueler tomorrow morning 😉

  11. shari says:

    I’m pretty sure the rules state that if you’re wearing green which is visible, and someone (erroneously) pinches you anyway, they owe you a beer. If someone (purposely) pinches you anyway, they owe you a whole case of beer. Want me to help you collect?

  12. Bec says:

    Dagnammit! The Geeky T-Shirt! That’s what I should have worn today as opposed to horrifying lime green shirt!

    Am now noting (should I ever have the pleasure of meeting you) that a nipple pinch gets a mental bitch slapping. Check.

  13. kilax says:

    I wish my green colored puke disappeared like yours does when it hits the floor 😉

  14. Hilly Sue says:

    If someone randomly (even if I sorta knew them) came up and pinched my nipple based on a total sham of a fallacy? I’d bitch slap them for sure…okay, maybe I’d just verbally bitch slap them!

    Green is green. I am wearing olive green today as well because I don’t DO green in general, geez!

  15. Mrs. K says:

    A friend of mine was pinched so hard that it broke the skin…lead to a nasty infection. Kinda gross.

  16. ACK! Again with the projectile vomit. Gee, aren’t we lucky. 😛

    I wore green, but most of my co-workers and the people I saw out and about did not do so. However I saw no pinching going on. And what’s this about the wrong color green? Never heard such. I think she just wanted some passive-aggressive excuse to twist your nipple in a humiliating and painful fashion in a public place. Maybe she’s a devotee of the Jr. High school theory of male/female relationships: the more physical pain you give the guys the more you show them that you “like-like” them. Or something.

    Man, that was catty. Obviously I need to drink more green beer.

  17. Anthony says:

    As an Irish man I heartily endorse you punching that moron. In fact, you should have punched her in the ovary. I own two of those shirts.

    Happy Saint Patrick’s to all stateside even though it’s now 40 minutes after the fact as I’m writing this.

  18. Lisa says:

    I love the green vomit…it rocks.

  19. Karl says:

    Happy St. Patty’s Day, Dave. I’m with everyone else here. If someone pinched me I’d jackslap ’em upside the head. In a totally nonviolent way, of course.

  20. Toryssa says:

    I don’t know… as far as puke goes, I’m pretty sure green is the best sort.

  21. I got pinched too, not in the nipple, but somewhere just as harassment-like. Happy St. Patrick’s anyhow!

  22. Robin says:

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

  23. The Chad says:

    I celebrated with a Guinness first thing in the morning…just after I got home from work.

  24. Dan says:

    I hate to be a bore, but St.Paddy’s day was moved to Saturday 15th this year as the 17th falls in Holy Week… Just a little factet from the Catholics…

  25. Miss Britt says:

    This morning I can tell you with certainty.

    Green beer is bad. Very bad.

    And vodka and cranberry after green beer is worse.

    And homemade margaritas after green beer and vodka and cranberries…

    well, it’s not pretty.

  26. mew says:

    sounds like she just wanted to touch your nipples, dave.

  27. Winter says:

    The green vomit is the best when it’s the projectile kind. SPLAT! Coolness…

  28. Whitenoise says:

    I once found a pile of rainbow-coloured puke. It took me several minutes before I finally realized that my dog had tried to eat a box of my kids’ crayons…

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