While waiting for my connecting flight into Milwaukee, I was sitting next to some teenage girls who were talking about all the stuff that teenage girls live to talk about. Boys. Shopping. Other girls they hate. The usual. Just as I was getting used to their endless chatting, they went into a giggle fit. Curious to know what was going on, I tuned in to the conversation. From what I could gather, they were all ga ga over an airline captain that had just walked in. Apparently, they thought he looked totally hot in his uniform.
"Pffft!" I thought to myself. Silly girls!!
And then I looked up.
Damn! The bastard DID look totally hot in his uniform!
It was then that I decided I should get me a uniform of my own so I could wear it all the time and be totally hot myself. Well, maybe not ALL the time... but definitely when I travel. And when I go to the grocery store. And when I eat at Taco Bell. And... well, yeah... I would wear it all the time...
Except...
While I am quite enamored with the idea of impressing the ladies by being an airplane captain, I worry that one day I might actually have to live up to the uniform. There I'd be... watching the latest episode of The Soup on my iPhone, happily minding my own business, when an airline attendant comes up and taps me on the shoulder...
Hot Attendant: Excuse me, captain?
Captain Dave: Yes. How can I help you, miss?
Hot Attendant: There's been an electrical problem in the cockpit. Our captain and co-captain are dead. We need you to make an emergency landing right away! And then, after we're on the ground, I need you to make love to me because, damn, you look so totally hot in that uniform!
Captain Dave: I see. Let me just wash my hands, and I'll be right there.
At which point I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry while the plane crashed into a mountain.
Maybe I should buy a flying simulation game for my Wii and practice it for a bit before I make myself look hot by dressing up as an airline captain? The cockpit of a commercial airplane looks kind of like my Wii controller, so what could go wrong? I wonder if The Captain from "Captain and Tennille" had to deal with this crap?
In other news, can somebody please explain this to me...
It's a foreign currency exchange booth.
On wheels.
It never actually goes anywhere, so why? Is it in case somebody somehow gets a gun through airport security and decides to rob the Travelex booth? What happens then? Does the person behind the counter just go "SURPRISE SUCKER!!" and drive off, foiling the robbery attempt? And, more importantly, is that thing street-legal? Because the only thing more hot than my wearing an airline captain's uniform would be to wear an airline captain's uniform while driving around in that sweet ride.
Though I'd have to put some bigger tires on it. And maybe some spinner wheels. I wouldn't want to look silly or anything.
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Well, I don’t know about you…but, when I look at a bus, I TOTALLY think “Damn, I need to exchange my currency!!”
Makes total sense to me!
Ha ha – nice booth.
I think the airline pilot uniform would work but def brush up on the Wii first.
Also, I Twittered you this morning re: the bitch with the interview – it was International Smack a Stranger Day. Maybe next year.
Lil Dave does look quite debonair in that uniform. Hopefully it’s not just the teenage girls that are hot for that sort of thing….yanno, just to keep you out of trouble ;).
I’m not sure which is funnier…Captain Dave or the Travelex on wheels. Perhaps Captain Dave driving the Travelex would be funnier.
Funny? Or hot? It’s such a fine line…
I bet you’d find a way to land that plane if the flight attendant was Liz Hurley!
What a kick ass foreign exhange booth. I would not mind working there at all.
I thought your Dave tees were your uniform…? 😉 Aren’t the girls going gaga over that?
I think the bigger question you should be asking is what the hell does Bad Monkey know about currency exchange? I’d fear he’s skimming off the top, if you know what I mean. BAD monkey!
You have an iPhone. There is no excuse for not showing a picture of said Hot Man In Uniform.
haha that thing is adorable, I can just imagine it rolling around a neighborhood with a tune blaring out and all the kids shouting “Mum! Mum! The bureau de change is here! Can I Can I Can I???”
It’s marketing, the traveling theme of a thing with wheels and currency exchange. I’m not saying it’s smart marketing, mind you…
Maybe you should pick a different uniform than captian of a plane… There are LOTS of “men in uniform” that women go for that you could totally pull off. Me, I have a thing for men out of uniform.
I love a man in uniform!
Stay away from airline uniforms. This is the slippery slope to a life of Catch Me If You Can international kite checking. You’d hate having to sleep with flight attendants in every city you visit.
Maybe we could get you a mailman…er, person uniform. Bet you could rock some short-shorts and black socks. Sex-y!
Or I could donate my old marching band uniform to you. Baby blue poly-wool! *Drool*
Oh Captain my Captain!
I’m all for the monkey doing the exchange booth… maybe the dollar would be worth something again.
Maybe you should just be Captain Crunch instead.
I admit, I’m no teenager and I always find pilots insanely hot. I make sure to sneak a peak on my way out of the plane every time I fly. 🙂
That booth looks like something straight out of Japan.
This post kicks ass.
Oh, you naughty naughty boy. I thought for sure you’d superimpose a pic of me in here, hiding all relevant airline insignia, and call me HOT…one can hope, I guess. I have to agree with the chicks…..when some of those pilots bend over in the flight deck to lean down and do something, it’s all I can do to not stare. I usually give in, easily and gladly. And I’ve seen this cart on wheels…..but, funny, not with the bad money spankin’ himself in it. I think I should treat myself to one of those t-shirts (in lycra, and tight) for my birthday.
Dave, this post had me cracking up at my desk; I know my colleagues want to know what’s up.
You are so stinkin’ cute.
Totally. Uniforms are hot like fire. Also, if we could teach you how to fly and get you your own plane, we might solve a lot of your problems.
I think it’s the hat. Most uniforms that I can think of that involve a hat add incredible sex appeal to just about every guy in life.
“sit in the bathroom and cry while the plane crashed into a mountain” made me spit my tea.
My favorite uniform on a guy is the flyboy dusty blue-gray that Army pilots wear. Almost got into serious trouble with one of them in Macedonia.
That bus is ridick. Only you would question the wheels…..
Maybe you could make your own uniform for something other than a pilot. 🙂
That thing looks like one of the hands on exhibits at the Seattle Children’s Museum in their airport section…
French Laurence : Hi Dave !
Hot Dave : How can I help you, miss?
French Laurence : I need you to make love to me because, damn, you look so totally hot in that uniform!
Hot Dave : (she’s totally crazy… Where is my parachute ?)
why IS it on wheels?!
i’d say just keep the uniform for non-travel days to avoid that situation altogether. 😉
I’m totally polishing up my old Air Force uniforms.
I saw that little exchange cart at Newark airport and it cracked me up. I mean, come on….what’s the point? What’s the difference between that and a hot dog stand except that it exchanges money? Hilarious.
Dave in uniform? Seriously, what are you doing to me?! Drool…
I was all set with a funny comment, then I read Vahid’s comment about Liz Hurley…as a stewardess…I’m useless for the rest of the day now…
Maybe the wimmen love the uniforms cuz they can more easily envision taking them off. When the man has all sorts of manners of clothes on, it takes too much effort to fantasize.
Then again, it might be a deeply rooted genetic trait for desiring someone who can take care of her, and a uniform denotes that very clearly.
Hillary, IRON MY SHIRT!
Uniforms are hot, period. It doesn’t have to be a pilot’s uniform.
Personally I like a woman in uniform, but to each their own.
the only uniform I’ve worn is a Boy Scout one.
there were lots of badges and shorts and over calf socks with cool garters. Pretty hot, but then I was only 14 yo and no one noticed but me.
Captain uniforms are hot? Who knew…?! Geez, Dave, I’d loan you mine, but that would probably get me arrested and fired, and that just wouldn’t be good…
BTW, Dave, it’s a cute cartoon and sorry to be picky, but captains have 4 stripes, First Officers/second officers and cruise relief pilots all have 3.