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Disney World: Day Five

Posted on Monday, December 17th, 2007

Dave!"Thank you for staying with us, and we wish you magical dreams!"
—Disney Wake-Up Call Service Center.

Uhhh... yeah... now that I am checking out of the Happiest Place on Earth tomorrow morning, there are five words I don't want to hear for a while: 1) Dream. 2) Wish. 3) Special. 4) Wonder. 5) Magic/Magical. I fully understand and appreciate that Disney is trying to create an environment that's fantabulous and all, but you can over-use buzz-words to the point where they not only lose their meaning, but also make you sick of hearing them. I'm to the point now where every time I hear a recorded message with the word "magical" used more than five times (which is all of them) I want to kill myself.

Today my only goal was to get back to the hotel at a decent hour so I can get up and make my 3:30am airport shuttle in the morning. Other than that, I really didn't have anything in mind. I thought maybe I'd pick up a few souvenirs and meet my friend Anne for dinner (she has an Annual Pass, but hasn't used it once in the seven months she's had it... "this will help me get my money's worth," she says).

To kill time, I finally decided that I would go to all four parks so I could ride both my favorite ride AND a ride I've never ridden before. Since it's cold, cold, cold outside, I put on a jacket.

Frogs on Snakes?
Frogs on snakes? Only in Animal Kingdom, baby.

Animal Kingdom.
My favorite attraction in Animal Kingdom is Expedition Everest. Since the line to ride it was pretty short, I went ahead and rode it twice. It's so cool that I just can't get tired of it! The ride I've never ridden before is DINOSAUR! I was told by a number of people that it was kind of lame, and I had already ridden Jurassic Park at Universal Studios... so I never bothered. I talk about it in my "Today's Attractions" below but, suffice to say, it's not that great of an experience.

Lunch Warrior
This fearless little bastard was eyeing my burrito!

I guess my favorite attraction here is Mission: SPACE so I was sure to hit it before I ate lunch (a decent "wet burrito" in the Mexico Pavilion). Unlike Expedition Everest, I am getting a little tired of this attraction, having ridden it three times now. Finding a ride that I've never ridden before was difficult, because I've been here so many times that I've ridden them all. Eventually I noticed that the 360° panorama film "O Canada!" had been updated (with new host Martin Short), so I figured that would fit the bill. Along the way to the Canada pavilion, I see this sign for a Candlelight Procession Special, hosted by a big-name star...

Epcot Candlelight
That's Neil Patrick Harris, bitches!!

The guest star for today? "Way of The Master" douchebag Kirk Cameron ("YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL BECAUSE YOU DON'T BELIEVE EXACTLY THE SAME WAY I DO, AND I CAN'T STOP SMILING ABOUT IT!!!!). Guess I won't be sticking around for that shit. But I do drop by the Japan Pavilion before "O Canada!" so I can stock up on more Japanese candies. There was still a bit of room in my suitcase, and we can't have that.

Hollywood Tower Hotel
You're travelling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind...

Disney MGM Studios.
About the only attraction here I like is Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, so riding it is a no-brainer. When it comes to something I haven't ridden, I have my choice of a few things, but ultimately end up picking The Great Movie Ride for some reason. This ride is so lame that it had me wishing I'd gone back to Epcot so I could watch Kirk Cameron.

Wilderness Lodge
Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Disney's Wilderness Lodge.
We ate dinner at my favorite Walt Disney World resort property... The Wilderness Lodge. It was magical.

Wishesc Disney Castle
It's a special magical dream of wishes and wonder!

Disney's Magic Kingdom.
My favorite ride here is easily Splash Mountain, so off I went. When I got there, I thought that the ride had closed. Nobody was around. But then I saw a "cast member" who assured me it was open, so I went ahead and rode it. ALONE. There was NOBODY there. Nobody in front of me, nobody in back of me. I boarded a log-car all my own (choosing the second row to avoid getting too wet), and that was it. Splash Mountain was EMPTY...

Empty Splash Mountain
Off I go to the Laughing Place... the Laughing Place...

It's amazing how much more I could appreciate the ride by myself. First of all, I heard a lot of sounds, dialogue, and atmosphere audio effects that I had never noticed before because other people had been talking and screaming. Second of all, I didn't get wet at all... I'm guessing because the log was so much lighter without seven of my closest friends riding with me. It was SWEET! I thought Big Thunder Railroad would be empty too, but it had a 25 minute wait. My guess is that people were avoiding Splash Mountain because they didn't want to get wet while it was so cold out. When it came to riding something I had never ridden before, I couldn't find anything that sounded good, so I headed back to the hotel so I could pack. As I was making my way through Main Street, I was stopped so a parade could go by. The name of the parade tonight? WISHES, of course...

Wishes Mermaid
It's The Little Mermaid! NAKED!! w00t!

Wishes Fish
Sucker fish or blow fish? I can't decide. Maybe a little of both.

• DINOSAUR! This could have been a very cool attraction, because it uses the same nifty vehicles that Disneyland uses for the Indiana Jones ride. And, on top of that, it's got dinosaurs in it! But most of the ride is just dark with nothing happening, which is lame. And when you finally do get to see dinosaurs, they're kind of rubbery-looking things that aren't even the least bit interesting. Sad. Disney should spend the money to fix this and turn it into a killer attraction. Wikipedia Link.
• O Canada! A beautiful film featuring highlights of our neighbor to the north, projected in 360° panorama. Very nice, and capably narrated by Martin Short (who wouldn't be my first choice, but oh well). Wikipedia Link.
• The Great Movie Ride. Billed as "A Spectacular Journey INTO The Movies" this is about as lame a ride as you can find at Disney World. After boarding moving theater bench-cars, you ride through boring dioramas from an assortment of popular films. Along the way your host interacts with stuff which has an almost "so bad it's good" quality to it, but ultimately fails to be entertaining. This is a wholly missable attraction that should be closed so the space can be used for something much better. Wikipedia Link.

And thus ends my Disney Dream Vacation! Now I get to take a brief nap before getting up in three hours so I can catch my Magical Disney Express to the airport. Bleh.

Categories: Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Whit says:

    Who would you have picked for O’Canada? Pamela Anderson, or maybe Loverboy?

  2. yellojkt says:

    Mission: SPACE is the one that kills people, right? Very brave man. And I can’t believe there is ever not a line for Splash Mountain. I haven’t ridden it in years because the FastPasses go so quick.

  3. kapgar says:

    I dunno if it’s just how the picture turned out, but “Frogs on Snakes” looks like computer animation. It’s pretty cool looking.

  4. ajooja says:

    The Great Movie Ride has a prime location right in the middle of the park too. They really need to blow that thing up and replace it with anything.

    And I swear, about two days is all I can take of that “have a magical day” bullshit.

    Have a nice trip.

  5. Wayne says:

    Wait, did you just say that the Wilderness Lodge was… was… “Magical”!?!?!?!??!


    Seriously though, GAHHHHHHHHHH!

    Wait really seriously tho, seems like you had a wonderful time and now I want to plan something like that.

  6. Paul says:

    Too Kirk Cameron was the narrator for Candlelight. It really is awesome. We took our son the day after Thanksgiving and he became possessed by the music — really fun to see.
    We are going again on Friday to see Edward James Olmos. I can’t wait!

  7. sizzle says:

    you are magical, dave.

  8. ChillyWilly says:

    Wish i would have gone on Everest Expedition more. It easily was my favorite ride at Animal Kingdom.

    Thanks for the play by play of your Disney World vacation. It was cool to relive mine just the week before.

    Hope your trip home is safe.

  9. lizriz says:

    Splash Mountain is my favorite ride, too!

  10. SpyderDan says:

    I can’t believe you don’t like Great Movie Ride. That’s one of my all time favorites going back to my childhood. I always loved seeing the Indiana Jones anamatronics.

    Dinosaur used to be called Countdown to Extinction! and was a fantastic, thrill ride when it opened. It was really dark and fast paced and was actually more fun than Universal’s Jurassic Park River Adventure. But then when Disney made that terrible Dinosaur movie, they changed the ride to match the film and it’s since been toned down a lot.

  11. robin says:

    Magi…wait for it…

  12. bogup says:

    So I guess I won’t be using these words in responses anymore:
    1) Dream. 2) Wish. 3) Special. 4) Wonder. 5) Magic/Magical

  13. Hilarious list of words you don’t want to hear again 🙂

  14. Karl says:

    Glad you had a fun time. Sorry I wasn’t able to get up to Orlando. Meh.

  15. Nathan says:

    Dave! Disneyworld? There’s a reason it’s for 12 year olds, but it sounds like you’re having a decent time. Oh that Kirk Cameron…an interesting choice. Meh, remind me not to go to Disneyworld until I get some kids. Thanks for blogging, Dave. Been reading for a while now, but just now decided to comment. I love bad monkey, and as a designer I thoroughly enjoy the world of Dave you have created. Always fun to find new designs on your site.

    Well have fun at Disneyworld…where it’s warm. I’m so jealous. Portland, Oregon is so cold right now.

  16. Avitable says:

    Sounds like a magically wonderful special dream come true as a perfect wish!

  17. I’m exhausted just from tagging along on this adventure via your blog. I can’t imagine how tired you must be… UGH!

  18. You know, I was there when I was fifteen, which is obviously the worst age to hug mice. Now that I’m a father I’ll have a chance to experience it again. Fatherhood rocks!

  19. amy says:

    wait – did you ride the re-done haunted mansion????

  20. Rob Hall says:

    You are the douchebag sir. Kirk Cameron is so out of your league. Deal with it poor little progressive.

    • Dave2 says:

      I agree, sir, that Kirk Cameron is in a league far from mine. Far, far, far from mine. Like wiffle ball far. Because at least I know how a banana works… which I got from watching a monkey (an actual monkey… not primate Kirk Cameron pretending to be smarter than a monkey, which he isn’t).

      So, all things considered, I’m dealing with Kirk Cameron being a judgmental douchebag over not knowing how a banana works just fine!

      But thanks for your kind concern. It is refreshing to find a comment disagreeing with me that doesn’t resort to name-calling and hate-language that I can actually publish for a change. I appreciate that!

  21. Tracy Lynn says:

    Not only is Kirk Cameron all jesus’d up, but I find him to be kind of condescending about it. Like he is personally responsible for my salvation or lack thereof. Also, he’s one of those creationist fellas. That’s just silly.

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