As I feared, I got no sleep last night. Nada. Zip. Zero. So as I sit here taking a quick break so I can mainline my fourth "Coke with Lime" so I can stay awake, I'm trying to remember when I switched back from Pepsi to Coke. I'm pretty sure that it's when they unleashed the delicious "Coke with Lime" thing, though now Pepsi has a lime-flavored product as well, so I'm not sure.
I started out as a Coke drinker from way back, but when Apartheid came to the forefront of public consciousness, I switched to Pepsi because Coke was still sponsoring events in Sun City. I'm still a little bitter about that, but "Coke with Lime" is pretty tasty.
Oh yeah... the rest of this entry originally appears as a guest blogger entry over at DOWN WITH PANTS!. It's got Thai hookers and monkeys in it, so there's guaranteed something for everyone!
I am slightly obsessed with monkeys. I find them to be fascinating creatures... one moment they are doing something so brilliant that you believe that they really are our evolutionary cousins... then the next minute they are throwing poop at you. It's kind of a lifestyle to be envious of, if you want to know the truth. I've lost count of the number of times I've wanted to throw my poop at somebody and be able to get away with it.
This is not, however, a toss-the-poop kind of story, so feel free to continue reading.
A while back my brother and I decided to go to Thailand for thrilling adventures involving cheap hookers and great Thai food. But before we left, our father decided to scare the crap out of us with the HIV infection statistics of Thai working girls. This meant that we were suddenly left with a gaping hole in our schedule, and a lot of extra time on our hands that we weren't planning on.
Eventually we decided to take a flight to Southern Thailand so we could see Phuket and the surrounding area. This included the very, very cool Phang Nga (aka "James Bond Island") which was used in "The Man With the Golden Gun." It also included a trip to a hidden Buddhist Temple which was "guarded" by thousands of monkeys. For less than a quarter, you could by bunches of bananas to feed the little guys, which was also very cool, since they would come right up and take the food from you.
And here is where it got interesting, because I noticed that monkeys eat bananas backwards from how I do it... and backwards from how everybody else I've ever seen do it as well. They peel from the tip instead of the stem so that they have a "handle" to hold on to the thing as they eat that last bite...
Simply brilliant! Why in the heck didn't I think of that?
And there you have it... how I learned to eat a banana from a monkey. Priceless knowledge you can use! Hmmm... now a banana is sounding good for some reason. I'll bet it goes great with "Coke with Lime."
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I’ll place an even money bet that the Coke if poured onto the banana would disintegrate it.
Therefore, you should always carry a Coke, just in case you have to defend yourself against a man wielding a banana.
When I eat a banana, I skin the whole thing and then nip off about a centimetre from each end.
This is because back in the far reaches of time, when I was a child, someone told me that insects lay their eggs in the end of bananas and that if you ate the ends, chances are they would hatch inside you.
To this day, I won’t, can’t eat the end of a banana
Dave, I really thought you were the perfect man for me until I saw you eat a banana in the most ass backwards way I’ve ever seen. It’s a stem, not a handle. Such a shame, we could have been so good together……… ; )
When you tell tall tails to children you should always stop for a moment and consider what permanent damage it could cause.
I once knew someone who when eating an apple didn’t stop at the core like everyone else i’ve ever known but carried on to eat the core as well, fantastic because it meant there was no gooey mess to dispose of.
I think the eating-dave is the cutest yet!
I wonder what happens if you pour Coke on a monkey?
Oh great… thanks so much Sayuri… now I am going to be paranoid about insect larvae in my banana ends!! GAHHH! =Sob!= I used to love bananas. 🙂
But… but… Heide… THE MONKEYS! They have it all figured out! Give it a try, and you’ll see it really is the superior way to eat a banana. Everybody I’ve shown it to now eats their bananas the same way. 🙂
Yes, Dave is very cute when he eats. Must be the banana.
I GOT MY “BAD MONKEY” T-SHIRT!!!!!! SWEEEET!!!!
Insomniacs unite! Last night was a three-hour sleeper. Sorry you pulled an all-nighter… hope you wear yourself out today and get some sleep, soon!
I’m afraid of monkeys, and can’t stand bananas. I was once the splattered victim of a poo-throwing, banana eating monkey. (shiver) True story.
Thanks, Dave for the post from hell. I have to go take that Valium i had saved up. Where’d I leave that bottle of vodka?
You are welcome!
🙂
Hmm…Apparently, I’ve ALWAYS eaten a banana like a monkey. I’m not sure I like that fact.
It sounds like the monkeys in Thailand are more well-behaved than the monkeys in India. When I was there, they would break into people’s houses, and steal food. They were also adept purse snatchers. Then, there was the time that my friend had to fix his camera w/ duct tape, because a monkey tried to jack his camera, and wound up beating it all to hell.
Bad Monkeys, indeed.
(Oh, and Lime Coke is the BEST! I’m so addicted.)
damnit to hell you were right