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Bullet Sunday 30

Posted on Sunday, May 13th, 2007

Dave!It's time for my first Bullet Sunday at sea!

• PLAGUE SHIP! Ack. This is the second time I've been on a cruise, and this is the second time there's been an epidemic going around. Last time it was some kind of cold/flu hybrid. This time they aren't saying what's going on, but you are no longer allowed to serve yourself at the food buffets. Not even for water, which actually makes me happy. A few days ago I was waiting in line for a glass of water when the stupid bitch ahead of me filled up her water bottle, putting the mouth of the bottle directly in contact with the spout. This grossed me out because, for all I know, she is the ship's whore and there's no telling where that mouth of hers has been. She could have been sucking on something funky before sucking on her water bottle, and now the stupid whore's cooties are all over the water spout, contaminating everything that comes out of it.

• ICE CREAM DREAMS! But there is a bad side to all of this. You're not allowed to make your own ice cream cones now either. So now I have to trust some total amateur's cone-making skills at the soft-serve machine. Instead of getting the perfectly shaped ice cream cones I'm used to making myself, I now get these lumpy, malformed monstrosities that look like they were crapped out of a donkey's ass. It's probably my imagination, but they just don't seem to taste as good now. =sob!= I'll probably start dreaming that I'm ruler of Egypt, and my thousands of loyal subjects will bring me perfect chocolate-vanilla swirl ice cream cones all day long. Egypt seems to have had quite an effect on me...


BEING BORING! Today is an at-sea day. Usually these bore me, but I'm actually looking forward to being a little bored for a while. Besides, there's a lot of stuff coming up in the final week of vacation, and tomorrow I have to be up at 6:00am again.

Cruise Map

• TOUR DE ASSHOLE! I've never hidden my loathing for organized tours, but yesterday's Giza tour was a new low point. Two fucking assholes were 50 minutes late getting back to the bus at the first stop, which meant that all the remaining stops had to be compressed, and certain things I would have loved to have spent more time with were whipped through at a furious pace. Never mind that everybody else on that bus managed to get back on time. The two inconsiderate fucks didn't even apologize for screwing everybody (they probably weren't sorry anyway). It used to be that I would wish for a million dollars to fall from the sky. Now I just wish these two fuckers dead in the most painful way possible. I mean, come on... FIFTY FUCKING MINUTES?!? If I were the tour guide, I would have left their fucking idiot asses in the desert after 10 minutes so everybody else doesn't have suffer for their being complete and total fucking pricks. I despise assholes who have absolutely no consideration for other people, and tours are usually full of them.

Alas, it's time for me to retire to Deck 12 for some sunshine. There seems to be an abundance of it today...

Categories: Bullet Sunday 2007, Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. serap says:

    I’ve really been enjoying reading about your trip Dave, however, I have to say that by far the best thing is that you’re nearer my time zone now, so your blog entries appear on the same day that I am on (you’re usually a day behind me…or is it in front? Oh I dunno!). Hope you don’t catch the ship plague (or develop an ice-cream allergy).

  2. göran says:

    Handling food is delicate. I easily get grossed out by asshats. So being served is better.

    I know I shouldn´t ask this but are you on vacation all by yourself except for bad monkey? Sometimes traveling on your own is great, other times it ca be a hassle.

  3. Tobi says:

    50 minutes late!!! They are indeed idiots.

    Too bad about the ice cream, but what’s up with not telling you what’s going around the ship? hmmm, interesting yet freaky all at the same time.

    Enjoy the sunshine!

  4. Avitable says:

    Shoulda kicked both of ’em in the crotch when they got back on the bus.

  5. Tracy says:

    This post will likely be on the “Best-Of” list in ’08! Very funny stuff. I love it when you’re pissed off.

    Thanks for paying the big bucks to share your trip with us. I hope you don’t catch the ship plague!

  6. Bec says:

    I always prefer having my food served to me when on holiday… in fact the little I have to do the better!

    When those two arrived 50 minutes late, it would have been the perfect opportunity to shoot them and bury their bodies in the sand. Yes, lateness is one of my major bugbears!

  7. Hope it’s not the plague (being near Egypt and all). I used to think cruise ships were cool (went on one – Caribbean Carnival when I was in my teens) until I started hearing about these illnesses and a rash of people going overboard at sea. The latter really scares me cuz I can imagine getting myself shitfaced drunk in the casino and pissing off a pit crew where they just toss me overboard as my punishment.

    Enjoying your blog – have a great rest of your trip!

  8. Lisa says:

    I really hate inconsiderate SOBs who think whatever they’re doing is more important than anyone elses plans. Grr!

  9. NYC Watchdog says:

    Shouldn’t those two guys be buried up to their neck in sand and attacked by scorpions or something? I mean c’mon… it’s EGYPT afterall!

    I bet it was one of them that gave the ship the sickness. Bastards.

  10. Dave2 says:

    Serap… I hope I don’t catch the plague too! Then you wouldn’t get any blog entries from me at all… early or late! 🙂

    Göran… I’m traveling with a ship full of people, so I’m hardly alone!

    Tobi… I’m thinking it must be The Black Death. Nothing quite like The Black Death to make a cruise memorable!

    Avtiable… The cruise isn’t over… perhaps a nice crotch-kicking is in their future yet…

    Tracy… Well, for your sake then, I hope that plenty of other incidents arise to piss me off?

    Bec…. Alas I had nothing to shoot them with. I don’t know that any of the military police would have loaned their rifles to me, but I guess I could have asked. 🙁

    Lisa… It’s what they live for, I guess. Sad.

    Motor City Monk… The strange thing is that the cruise ships work pretty hard to ensure that people don’t get sick… but it seems to happen anyway.

    NYC Watchdog… Or eaten by jackals. I like the thought of them being eaten alive by jackals!

  11. Hilly says:

    The first bullet made me cringe then laugh. I hope you don’t get the death plague from the ship’s whore or otherwise ;).

    Have fun tomorrow, erm today, erm tomorrow…whatever ;).

  12. Andre says:

    i guess you have two options
    1 : Ask for a spare ice cream machine to be installed in your room
    2 : Arrange training courses for the staff themed “How to perfectly shape an ice cream cone” (I guess you can charge for those courses 😉 )

  13. Bre says:

    I’m a group-tour hater too, so I usually sneak off on my own to get away from the assholes!

  14. Lewis says:

    I would have left their asses…period. (Our tour guide on a recent cruise told us that she was never allowed to leave anyone behind…liability……I say bullshit.) Also on our recent cruise, they required us to use those alcohol hand sanitizers in and out of the dining room, elevators, everywhere. Hope you don’t get sick! Is there a way to sneak the ice cream?

  15. claire says:

    That’s my favorite Davetoon yet! Nice job on the hieroglyphs if you drew them yourself.

    Sucks about the assholes… if it was my tour, I totally would’ve left them in the desert after 10-15 minutes. It sounds like they made it totally clear when you needed to be back and they should hold people to that.

  16. bogup says:

    Have bad monkey give em each a kick. Then you can just point and laugh OUT LOUD at their pain.
    Great tour reporting Dave and enjoyable to read about your travels.
    Can Istanbul be in your future?

  17. Greg says:

    He he– it looks like there are boobies on your map.

    Boobies and ice cream. Mmmmm.

    …I’m sorry, what?

  18. Laurence says:

    I love your ice cream dream !!!


  19. Jeff says:

    Ooh, I think Pharaoh Dave should be another option at Artificial Duck!

    Regarding the plague, hopefully all their extra caution will prevent you from crapping lumpy, malformed monstrosities out of your ass!

  20. Karl says:

    Inconsiderate asshats are the worst kind of asshats. Perhaps some ancient Egyptian curse will make them both crap scarab beetles for the rest of their lives.

  21. margalit says:

    Must. Have. Egyptian. Dave. T-shirt. MUST.

    Late assholes must be punished. I suggest giving them big refreshing glasses of water procured by the ships whore. That’ll show ’em!

  22. RW says:

    claire, Jeff and margalit speak my mind… We want a Phaoroah Dave shirt!!

  23. RW says:

    And then we want a Pharaoh Dave one as well… heh.

  24. Dan says:

    You should make that Egyptian toon into a t-shirt! I’d buy it.

  25. Baak says:

    I sixth (or seventh?) the motion to have a Pharaoh Dave T-shirt and hat. Has to be my favorite Dave Toon with “Zombies ate my brain”.

    I’d buy the T-shirt (on white) this instant. Seriously! 🙂

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