I don't know what happened.
Last night when I went to bed, everything was okay. It had been a good weekend. All the various problems that had been thrown my way during the week had been handled. I was... dare I say it... "happy" with the world and my place in it. None of the dread that usually overwhelms me on Sunday nights could be detected. When my head hit the pillow, a rare sense of optimism had settled into the core of my being and all was right in my world.
Then I woke up.
I am used to everything going wrong on a Monday and having to dig my way out. I can handle that. But I quickly found out this morning that "everything" is a relative term, and there is a certain level of "everything" that simply cannot be dealt with. Overwhelmed with one horrific dilemma after another, I was assaulted on all fronts. My telephone. My mobile phone. My work phone. My email. My mailbox. My car. My work. My life.
The entire universe decided to rain shit down on me for some unknown reason.
I don't know what I did to deserve it. I can only guess that this is some kind of retribution for going to bed happy on a Sunday night.
It's at times like this that I feel the need to develop a line of T-shirts to explain my life in a way that can be easily understood. Since I'm fairly certain I'm not alone in being shitted on at one time or another, I can only guess that this is my ticket to making a million dollars. My advertising campaign would feature myself wearing T-shirts with various slogans while standing in a pool of some kind of unsavory substance... like urine or raw sewage or toxic waste or something...
Things can, of course, always get worse. It's as if the laws of physics demand it. There's probably some Einsteinian theorem floating around describing how once you start sliding in shit, you will continue to slide in shit until you land in a big pile of it.
The question then remains... is today my "pile" or am I still sliding towards it?
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I totally got kicked in the balls by karma – or something – today. My solution: take a Valium and go back to bed. I’m not getting out of my PJs for NOTHING today.
I feel for you, Dave! I hope for your sake you are not entering into the hellish two months of being bitch-slapped by life akin to what I suffered through November & December. That truly sucked.
Hopefully, today is just a random, drive-by karmic hiccup rather than ball-kick, not a sign of more to come in the immediate future.
Hang in there!
For your sake, I hope that this Monday IS the big pile o’ shit and that you get a ladder out of it come Tuesday. Only a few more hours!!
Dave… Daaaaaaaave… Forget your telephone, your mobile phone, your work phone, your email, your mailbox, your car, your work… AND COME IN FRANCE !!! Okaaaay !!! 🙂
P.S. I hope (and I am sure) that your life will be better…
P.P.S. Forget the idea that you are a looser… PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAASE !!!
I love your color choices.
Karma, Life, I bet there’s tons more you could make. If only there were more time….
I sure sound cheesy.
Not a competition, but allow me to share…
About a year ago, my workplace bought this big application* to do stuff… Of course, we had to but a whole bunch of servers to install the application on. The whole thing took about one year to spec out and buy, receive and install. Last December, we decided to put our production cluster in prduction mode. We had tested everything on the QA environment and it seems we were in business.
Of course, the darn thing didn’t work on the cluster. And the phone tag started between us and that big company. Fast-forward today, after more than two months of troubleshooting, we finally get the following answer:
“There should be no firewall between your cluster and your server database”.
I answered:
“But, your specs say to put a firewall there!”
Silence.
“You’re telling me your specs are wrong? can I get that in writing?”
Silence.
“And my only option is to remove a node to do the job or buy an extra machine to do the job?”
Silence.
“Why am I paying 50K/year for your support?”
Silence.
In the distance, a dog barked.
Aaaaaarhgh!
Tomorrow has to be better. For both of us. 🙂
*I don’t think I can be more specific, I wouldn’t want ********** to sue me…
Damn! Just what DID you do in a past life? It must’ve been quite heinous to have such constant misfortune befall what I gather to be a pretty decent person!
I wish I could develop some shit repellent for you!
Oh, Dave… it’ll be better, I promise!
Right now, I’m sitting on a soundstage while they’re recording dialouge and everyone must be EXTRA quiet.
Of course, I have gas and am trying not to rip a giant fart right in the middle of a sound take.
Heh.
It’s this year. Why won’t anyone listen to me? 2007 will destroy us all!
Hopefully this was your “pile” and things start moving up from here. And now for the sappy advice – try and stay positive even in the face of crap… I truly believe that positive brings about positive and negativity creates more bad shit.
So, stay positive that things are gonna get better!
(This has been a public service announcement)
😀
this monday has sucked more than most mondays in recent history. what is up with that!?
i truly hope you aren’t sliding towards more shit. if you need someone to throw you a rope, i’m within driving distance.
I am so sorry to hear about your day… I do, however, want one of those shirts. I am not currently being shat upon because I’ve been granted a temporary reprieve just so I can catch my breath before the next round of shitting begins….
At least you’re not alone…
Oh, fuck me, I’ve had my share of these days. The one thing I struggle to remember though (usually in retrospect) is things have a way of working themselves out in one way or another, sooner or later. Kind of like shaking up a bottle of water…or something. Bad analogy, but you get the picture 😛
Welcome to my world! I can really empathize with you Dave… While I try to enjoy it while I can, I am always wary when things start to go well. Without fail, a disproportionate amount bad luck befalls me soon afterwards. I think that I must have been a very evil person in a previous life and I’m paying for it in this one. Not too long ago, I had my truck, my water heater and my furnace all die on me within the same week. But that was just an expensive week. Usually it’s just a steady barrage of things happen that just make my life harder than it needs to be…
What I’ve started this year is a journal to keep track on only good things that happen to me on a day-to-day basis. I’m curious to see how much gets written in it this year. So far, I have quite a few “Found a penny today!” entries 🙂
I don’t like yellow goop (liquid) Dave who has the “born to be a loser” shirt on….cause he’s not ;).
*Hands you a bottle of Jaeger and gives you a hug*
Fingers crossed that this is your pile. And I’m joining the forces in saying that this Monday has been pretty brutal.
Fingers crossed that this is your pile. And I’m joining the forces in saying that this Monday has been pretty brutal.
I think I’ve set up a little cabin in the city of Shit.
But, I’m pretty sure you’re just visiting.
Chin up….TequilaCon is just 12 days away!!
But, I’m sorry today sucked so royally.
Dave remember life is like pinball… always bouncing from one pile of shit to the next, with the occasional happy flipper in between.
Cheer up Dave, things can always get worse — or better, with time.
Ups and downs is what happens in our lives from day to day, year to year, decade to decade.
Then we die!
Those who have Faith believe that our life on this earth is but a short span of time, but salvation = eternity.
Dave, whatever it is you have my support should you need to punch someone or break something. As a matter of fact, I have a list of someones or somethings that would be a perfect tension breaker.
I’m with Hilly, in both handing you a bottle of Cyber-Jager and letting you know that you are *not* destined to be a loser.
I hope that shitstorm is not blowing this way from the west. My life finally seems to be settling oh-so-close to being in balance.
I think you and I are suffering under the same weather front. And it freaking sucks.
I completely feel your pain. I feel like I’ve been having a prolonged heart attack since about 7:30 this morning, and it’s 8:20 p.m. here in California. The two glasses of wine I’ve now had have barely touched it. I hope I wake up alive tomorrow! Sheesh.
Shit rained down on me the whole month of January and most of February. The clouds of shit are beginning to clear and the sun is starting to peek out. I am looking forward to a few months of shit drought.
If you do come out with a new t-shirt line, I will be a place an order for all three.
To quote Veronica Mars (and so many others): “Life’s a bitch.”
I hope the shit clears up and you feel better soon.
It could be worse.
You could be Lil’ Dave’s shoes. 😉
Seriously, here’s to things getting better. We had a wave of weird shit slosh through yesterday (Sunday) – perhaps it was heading to the NW and just passed through.
{{{Dave}}} Sorry to hear your Monday was shit… Mondays are known for that.
Mine went rather smoothly considering my lack of sleep due to the cat who thought it would be good sport to run up and whack me in the head all.night.long.
Dave, it could be worse….you could live in a country that is obsessed with a dead, talentless slut while that country is fighting a war on two fronts, threatening to invade another, and ignores global warming! Oh wait…you already do!!! Tuesday has got to be a better day. Good luck! 😉
I vote for “sliding”… to answer the question.
Sending positive thoughts your way so Tuesday will be better!
Sorry your day went so bad. I thought I heard some screaming when Pan’s Labyrnith didn’t win. I didn’t see any other nominees, but I thought The Departed was just fine. And little Marty (not to be confused with Little Dave) was so genuinely happy to get it.
I’d take any or all of those shirts with slogans. Seems like lots of my favorite people are going through that shitpile right now.
With deft footwork and a bit of prudent optimism, piles can be avoided altogether.
Now, if only I knew how to put that into practical advice. 😛
I totally understand and I feel for you, my friend.
Have you ever heard of “The Secret?” Some would tell you that negative thinking attracts more negative results. I tend to believe that we attract what we focus on, mentally. So,.. I hope you’ll look into this. You can manifest your way out of a bad situation; a bad mood; debt; anything negative!
The past couple of months I’ve been going through car crap (two accidents and three flat tires in abt. three weeks) and all I could think of when I pictured it all in my head was your cartoon of little Dave with shit raining down on him. That was my life at the time. Sorry you’re feeling that way again.