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F#@%INGCOCACOLABASTARDS!

Posted on Thursday, February 8th, 2007

Dave!I just knew that no good could come from installing Microsoft Windows Vista. It has set off a chain of events that will certainly lead to catastrophic death and destruction for the entire planet.

And the reason I know this is true is because I just got off the phone with the Coca-Cola bottling company of Northern California to verify that Coke with Lime has been discontinued here on the West Coast. You can still buy the diet shit, but the regular stuff is no longer available.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

F#@%ING COCA-COLA BASTARDS!! Get people addicted to your shit, then take it away! I hate it when that happens!

Dave Fuck

Why, it seems like just yesterday that I discovered the joys of Coke with Lime...

Dave's Coke with Lime

And Mooselet led me to discover the sweet asses of the Coke with Lime Girls...

Coke with Lime Girls

And I found out just how much better life is with a little lime in it...

Dave with Lime

Now that it's gone, I hope that I don't end up selling myself on the street for a taste of that sweet, oh so sweet, nectar of the gods...

Will have sex for Coke

I'm probably going to have to start smoking crack now in order to ween myself off of my Coke with Lime habit. Thanks a lot Coke f#@%ers! Crack is expensive, and I've got bills to pay!

Crap! I can only guess that my installing Microsoft Windows Vista will cause Golden Oreos to be discontinued next. Followed by U-NO candy bars. And those Cottonelle pre-moistened ass-wipes I like so much (wiping my ass will never be fun again!).

I WILL AVENGE YOU MY COKE WITH LIME!!

Clearly, Microsoft must be destroyed.

Oh great, I just got a call telling me that there is a safety recall notice for my motorcycle.

WTF?? I wonder what's going to happen next?

UPDATE: Well I guess I got my answer... Anna Nicole Smith DEAD after staying at my beloved Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida.


Categories: DaveLife 2007, Food 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. rachel says:

    I was at 3T’s house the other day and her husband handed me a Diet Coke with Lemon… I puked.. in my head anyway.. It was HORRIBLE.
    I haven’t tried Lime. I like lemon and lime in my sodas but not the lemon shit they put in coke. I am done rambling now.

  2. Laurence says:

    Come here, Dave… We have a lot of Coke with Lime !!! :-D

    P.S. I love all Lil’Dave’s behaviours on this post !!!

  3. Avitable says:

    Diet Coke with Lime is pretty good. It’s mainly what I drink. You know, you could just get lime juice in a little bottle and squirt it into a Coke and you’d have magic all over again.

    And I killed Anna Nicole.

  4. kapgar says:

    She died??? I guess she won’t have to worry about the DNA test.

  5. Chase says:

    Ya know, they stopped selling Diet Coke with Splenda here. I nearly cried. :(

    CocaCola : Successfully Killing Off Bloggers One At A Time

  6. ssp says:

    At least when at home or the office you could try buying some real limes into your Coke.

    Not that it’d make Coke ‘natural’ but at least it’d be more natural that way.

    (living blissfully in a place where I never saw Coke Lime to begin with…)

  7. jenny says:

    Note to self: bring extra suitcase filled with Coke w/ Lime to TequilaCon…

  8. adena says:

    Jen, bring extra for me! Discontinued?? NOOOOooooooooo!!

    This chain of events is all your fault, Dave. :)

  9. Kapha says:

    ROFLMAO on that last DaveToon!!! :D

  10. Diana says:

    I LOVE those Cottonelle wipes. I stock up on them when I’m in the U.S., butt we just ran out of them last week! Crap!

    That’s too bad about Anna Nicole.

  11. Tracy Lynn says:

    Dude, I could send you the stuff, or you could…dare I say it…buy some limes?

  12. James Bow says:

    I know you can buy lime juice in squeeze bottles that look like limes. Why don’t you buy one of these and figure out how much lime juice it takes to rebuild the Coke with Lime taste from a standard bottle of Coke?

    But if they take the Golden Oreos away, somebody WILL have to die. :-)

  13. Bre says:

    Will they still have it here on the East Coast? I wonder if it would be too shaken up to consume if you had it shipped to you…

  14. ms. sizzle says:

    can you believe she died? and it’s your fault!

    would regular coke with a real slice of lime squeezed in taste similar? what if they take away all your favorites and you are forced to eat (gasp!) vegetables! ;)

  15. keryn says:

    Dare I suggest that you put a slice of lime in your coke?

    I feel for you, man. We settled on Diet Rite after many long attempts to find a sugar free, caffeine free alternative to our beloved Coke when our son started drinking soda.

  16. Dave2 says:

    Rachel… I’m not into diet, so I don’t know how the Lime stuff tastes. Avitable likes it though!

    Laurence… Coke tastes different around the world, and I’m not sure if I remember what French Coke tastes like! Hopefully I will make it back to France before it is gone from there as well!

    Avitable… Lime juice doesn’t work… I’ve tried it many times. Coke uses some kind of natural lime flavoring for their formula that tastes entirely different than “real” limes (for some reason). If you suddenly stop blogging, I guess we’ll know why!

    Kapgar… She won’t, but I’m sure there will be a custody battle to be determined by the DNA testing.

    Chase… I never got to try that, but since they never made Splenda Coke with Lime, it’s kind of off my radar. :-)

    SSP… Oh you should be VERY grateful that the heavily-addictive Coke with Lime never made it to your part of the world! If actual lime juice or squeezed limes worked, I would be happy… but, unfortunately, they don’t taste the same.

    Jenny… I was not able to find out if the Chicago bottler is keeping it in circulation. I suppose that could be one way of satiating my sweet, syrupy, satisfaction! But it’s a long drive, because they won’t let you take liquids on a plane!

    Adena… =sob!= I know! I should have never installed Windows Vista. :-(

    Kapha… Oh yeah… sure it’s funny NOW. But when I get arrested for whoring myself out on the streets for a Coke with Lime fix… I hardly think it will be amusing then! Well, okay, maybe… but not for ME!

    Diana… I bristle at the thought of any other wipe touching my ass! Cottonelle is truly a wipe meant for the asses of gods!

    Tracy Lynn… Limes don’t work. I’ve tried repeatedly to get the taste the same using limes and lime juice… it just doesn’t work. Coke is using some kind of lime flavoring to get their magical formula. :-(

    James… Tried it. Doesn’t work. Coke doesn’t use real lime juice in their product. It’s some kind of natural flavoring which doesn’t have the acidity that real lime juice has, thus keeping the magical Coke flavor in perfect balance.

    Bre… I don’t know. All I know for sure is that it has been discontinued in the Pacific Northwest and parts of California.

    Ms. Sizzle… Doesn’t even taste close. Using real limes or lime juice adds acidity to the mix which spoils the taste of the Coke. It has to be some kind of flavoring that doesn’t have a high acid content. Something tells me that sucking on a carrot is not going to taste the same either… :-(

    Keryn… A slice of lime (or lime juice) simply doesn’t taste the same. And has there ever been something that tastes good which has “diet” in the name? I certainly haven’t found any! :-)

  17. Sassy says:

    Good Lord, what is the world coming to? And what rock have I been living under? Golden Oreo’s? Do tell!

  18. August says:

    You killed Anna??? You bastard!

    Ummm, could you just squeeze a lime into your regular Coke?

  19. Dave2 says:

    Sassy… I wrote about Golden Oreos here. They are indeed delicious!

    August… No. They use a lime flavoring, and lime juice doesn’t taste the same. :-(

  20. Suzanne says:

    Anna Nicole DIED?? WTF? Must go investigate…

  21. diane says:

    Hey they make lime flavored Torani syrup–maybe that would be good in Coke? Torani’s good stuff, I’ve yet to add it to something with poor results. (Pomengranate syrup & seltzer water = delicious!)
    I think I got all your good juju b/c Cadbury Mini Eggs are STILL 65 cents at CVS! :)
    The whole Anna Nicole thing is so weird I don’t know what to say. I got about 6 e-mails at once about it and I thought, huh, this is what everyone I know is most wound up about today??

  22. Troy says:

    I have a feeling that with the death of Anna Nicole Smith the IQ of America has raised by at least 10 to 20 points. (Apologizes to anyone offended)

  23. Juli says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. ;)

  24. Hayes says:

    I am having the same scare with Pepsi Lime. I bought a bunch after it taking thre stores to find it. I am hoping this isn’t the sad fate for my Pepsi Lime! I throughly understand being addicted to it!

  25. Mooselet says:

    I’d send you some – the drink, not the cheergirls – but I’d have to sell a child to afford the freight charges. And while at times that sounds like a good idea, I think they frown upon the actual practice.

  26. Jaye says:

    I don’t understand the Golden Oreo. Wouldn’t that just be a Cameo? Oh how I love a Cameo.

    To replicate the Coke with Lime, you are going to need a lime syrup. Might I suggest checking with a shaved ice supplier? I bet they could help you.

  27. Avitable says:

    Don’t use real limes. Use those plastic limes that they sell at the grocery store with lime juice. I’ve tried that with plain Diet Coke and got it to taste almost as good as Diet Coke with Lime.

  28. Rebecca says:

    Oh Dave. Dave, Dave, Dave, If coke with lime is good with fake lime flavoring, couldn’t you train yourself to like the real, actually has a couple of vitamins, straight from the tree variety? Sure it’s not the same, but is there a chance it could be, dare I say it, better?

    Just askin’

  29. margalit says:

    We have plenty of it in Boston. I just saw it in the supermarket this weekend, on sale for the stuporbowl. Hey, when is your next trip east? Do you want me to horde some for you, and you can use your frequent flyer miles for a trip to Bostonia for your monthly fix? I’m happy to oblige although I personally hated the stuff when I tasted it. But then again, I hate ALL soda and never drink the stuff. Because obviously something is seriously wrong with me.

  30. Marc says:

    I feel your pain! I got hooked on Black Cherry Vanilla Coke while in Canada last summer and it doesn’t seem to make it over to Europe anywhere soon.

    Lucky enough I returned before the liquid plane bombing scheme was discovered and liquids were banned. Back then I was able to take 8 bottles home with me which helped extend the pleasure for a few months…

  31. I know your pain all to well. My downfall is, of course, The Chocodile, which is unavailable except in the West.

    Have you tried Twang Lime Salt? It sounds weird, but it’s actually something your supposed to add to your beer for a lime taste that doesn’t detract from the original beverege. I hope you find a suitable replacement or that they wise up.

  32. jodisattva says:

    Ok, so here’s what we’re going to do.

    And by “we”, I mean “you”.

    Faerie’s Finest has lime powder and lime extract. The jars are like 3 or 4 bucks each. I say you buy one of each and try them in your coke, since the issue is that juice doesn’t taste right.

    If that doesn’t work, then I’m all for the total annihilation of Microsoft.

  33. timothy says:

    I feel for you. I, too, love Coke with Lime, but I had to give it up when I left the US. It’s been about eight months since I’ve had one, and I’m just coming back from withdrawals.

    Could Anna Nicole’s life have had more twists and turns? You know (another) E! special is already in production.

  34. Wow, I’m new around here but I love it.

  35. you could always join the dark side and switch to the diet version. :D

  36. Karl says:

    See, I mistakingly thought you were drinking the diet version. Don’t know why. I’m so used to diet soda now that the “real” stuff would probably taste really weird to me. I’d suggest going with Diet Coke with Lime, but then, if I didn’t have to drink diet I doubt I would.

  37. Angela says:

    I’d feel the same way if someone took my blogoraphy away from me.

  38. Hilly says:

    OMG – strung out Dave cracks me up. Of course not the sentiment behind it, but still is very cute.

    I guess we’re all gonna have to chip in and send you Coke with Lime each month from the East Coast or something like that!

  39. Miss Ann Thrope says:

    give me your address

  40. Eve says:

    Dude, if they discontinue Golden Oreos, I’m coming after you!!!! I can’t live without them!!

    And, yes, CLEARLY, Microsoft must be destroyed.

    I’m saddened by Anna Nicole’s death and saddened even further that she died at a Hard Rock Hotel. And the DNA testing will go on, because there’s TONS of money up for grabs. Her baby daughter gets it all, but someone will have to be the holder of that money for the next 18 years. Something just doesn’t seem right about all this. I don’t care how distraught she was, she didn’t commit suicide. She was too much of a fighter.

  41. Lela says:

    Ixnay on the Golden Oreo-ays!!! I need those things in my life. Let’s just pretend you never said that, okay? :-)

  42. Belinda says:

    I bought a new product the other day at the grocery store–a crystallized lime flavoring in a shaker. I have used it to flavor some tortilla soup, when I didn’t have fresh limes or lime juice, and I tell you, I may never buy the real thing ever again. This stuff is AWESOME. I’m dying to know what you’re trying in the way of lime flavoratives. (is that a word?)

  43. Sunny says:

    My husband and I have been looking for lime coke for months and are having “fits” going from store to store here in the southern part of the US trying to find lime coke. We have travled three states here in the south and even the military commissary’s do not have the lime coke. Help!!! Can you tell us why they are not putting the lime coke in the stores here anymore? The shelves are loaded with diet lime coke but we “NEED” the real thing! (pun intended):(

  44. Dave2 says:

    It’s probably been discontinued there as well. Diet Coke with Lime is still around for some reason.

    You could always do what I do… buy a can of frozen Lime-Aid by Minute Maid, then add a tablespoon (DO NOT MIX WITH WATER, ADD STRAIGHT!) to a can of Coke. It’s pretty close. :-)

  45. minimimi says:

    I started reading your blog a few weeks ago and came across this gem under the ‘food’ category of your archives. I don’t understand why it isn’t googled more often! I think it’s one of your funniest posts, especially for the cartoons; on par even with the toothpaste ones! I find that coke with lime tastes a lot like diet sprite..maybe you could try that?

  46. Cindy says:

    Did you ever figure out the magic formula? I miss Coke with Lime. It was only in Canada for like six months but I loved it truly.

    I have had to settle for Green Tea Gingerale. It’s good — but it lacks the caffeine hit I need in the afternoon!!

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