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Posted on Tuesday, February 20th, 2007

Dave!I hate to sound like a broken record, but mobile phone idiocy is getting completely out of hand.

There was a time when people at least tried to be discreet and polite when talking on their mobile, but most of them just don't give a crap now-a-days. These idiots talk at FULL VOLUME while discussing stuff nobody wants to hear. Even worse, they seem to have absolutely no qualms about screaming profanity or discussing intimate details of their life. It's as if they think nobody around them can hear what they're saying, and I don't know why that is.

Today I was treated to some moron laughing it up while screaching "SHIT YEAH!" over and over again as he yelled into his Bluetooth headset... WHILE STANDING IN LINE FOR LUNCH... WITH CHILDREN PRESENT!

It's times like this that I wish I carried a baseball bat with me at all times...

Rude Phone Idiots

Rude Phone Idiots

Rude Phone Idiots

Rude Phone Idiots

Why? Why? Why would somebody act like this? And I'm not talking about me smashing somebody in the face with a baseball bat... I know why I would act like this. I'm asking why somebody thinks it's okay to scream profanity in a public place just because they're talking on their phone. Why does having a phone stuck in your ear suddenly make this okay? If the phone wasn't there it wouldn't be okay... would it?

Maybe from now on when I see such a serious breach of etiquette, I'll commit a breach of etiquette of my own.

Like farting in their face or something...

Phone Fart Revenge

Sure it's smelly, but it's a lot more convenient than carrying a baseball bat around all day.

Categories: DaveLife 2007, DaveToons 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Bogup says:

    I totally agree. I don’t know who is worse: Those who talk in front of others without regard to WTF they are saying or those who spit (aka as they send a mouth oyster) onto the sidewalk. Yechhhhhh.

  2. Kapha says:

    I used to think about having a spray bottle with something really nasty smelling to spray at people who smoked in restaurants or other public places in disregard to others. Just because they can’t smell that they smell like an ashtray doesn’t mean everyone else need put up with it, and so I figured it was just as much my right to spray something evil-smelling at them as it was for them to smoke in my shared space.

    Think it’s the same with the phone people. I’ve thought about carrying around a very small one of those air-horns – you know the ones that are REALLY loud. Then just randomly blast it kinda towards them during their conversation.

    What’s the difference? 🙂

    When it gets down to it Dave, I’m afraid the casual profanity and disrepect for others is a direct reflection on the country as a whole. Just shows what a sorry state we are in at the core.

  3. James says:

    I think an air horn would be for more convenient than a baseball bat (I realize that’s not the point..) less illegal, and more fun. My bet is a lot of people around you would have your back in a fight anyway, as “SHIT YEAH” pretty much sets that person up as being the prick.

  4. I agree 100%. It is as if all couth goes completely out the window when people are on cell phones. As the saying goes, “It’s rude, crude, and socially unacceptable”.

    And what’s with all the profanity anyway? Profanity is the linguistic crutch for the inarticulate.

  5. claire says:

    There seems to be no limit to what people will say on their phones or where they’ll say it. Common courtesy, anyone? Good manners are far too rare.

  6. rachel says:

    I HATE when people are in the store or a restaurant yapping away on their phones especially if it’s someone in my group.
    I was in the post office a few months ago and they have a big sign in there that says turn off your cell phone before you go through this door and one lady was in there yapping away and the line was HUGE and the post office lady says to the lady when she got to the front of the line.. she tells her to step aside until she’s done “chitchatting” on the phone… I wanted to cheer for the post office lady. I like to pull mine out though and take pictures of little kids who are acting like shitheads because it’s priceless when you see the faces of the parents when you tell them you’re documenting the downfall of society…. ok I’m done with my run on sentence.

  7. Mooselet says:

    It’s not just the US – this crap is happening Down Under as well. The ones who really get me are the dipshits in front of me in line at, say, the grocery store and don’t have the common courtesy to get the hell off the phone while they pay the cashier. As if that person isn’t important enough for you to end your conversation, or at the very least put it on hold for 30 seconds, to give them your full attention. Unless you are a neurosurgeon giving step by step instructions for brain surgery, your call is NOT that important. If I were a cashier I’d probably screw up their transaction just for fun.

  8. While I totally agree with you on the public telephone tip I must ask why DaveToon is beating the crap out of a Borg Sonny Crockett. 😉

  9. Laurence says:

    You are my drug !
    Why ? One answer : EDUCATION.
    It is the same thing all over the world.

    P.S. Great sense of humor !!!
    P.P.S. Lil’Dave’s ass is so cute !!! 😀

  10. The Chad says:

    just take their phone away and smash it over his head and then throw it at them as you walk away. that might get the point across

  11. Dan says:

    I like the airhorn idea.

  12. Avitable says:

    There will always be obnoxious assholes in the world. Before cell phones, I’m sure those same people had boom boxes or something as ridiculous.

  13. August says:

    Some of these posts just would not have the same impact without the Davetoons!! Thanks for the visual. Especially the last one 😉

  14. Amy Guth says:

    Ha! I love the little grin on cartoon you as you beat Bluetoother senseless.

  15. Rick says:

    I’m sorry, but cell phone chic died in the 80’s. Somebody should tell the Borg.

  16. ms. sizzle says:

    farting- your personal weapon of mass destruction. so portable! so freeing! so dangerous!

  17. delmer says:

    I’ve always wondered how to spell the noise a fart makes upon exiting an ass. Not knowing is the one thing that has kept me from making more fart jokes in my blog.

    This has opened up a whole new door for me.

  18. Jeff says:

    Just be careful about bending over to fart when the guy you’re exposing your naked ass to is a large dick. I’m just saying…

  19. Miss Britt says:

    You can fart on demand!?!? Wow.

    I HATE when people cuss in public. And I have a mouth that would put a trucker to shame. But even I have discretion.

  20. Bre says:

    As much as I depend on ye olde blackberry to get me through the day, there are points when I am sorely tempted to push for a ban on cell phones altogether! My students like to call their parents from the middle of a meeting or hearing with me… as if that were perfectly normal. I’m thinking I might actually have room to fit a baseball bat under my desk….

  21. Jaye says:

    First of all, anyone who wears one of those headsets is a douchebag. If I have offended anyone, good. Get rid of that thing. You look like an ass.

    Second of all, I’ve had it with these douches. And next time I’m in a situation like that, I’m goin’ off. I don’t care.

    Now I’m all riled up an just hoping someone at lunch or on the plane later today is doing this, because I’m gonna let them have it.

  22. Bec says:

    Hands-Free kits are no more for my company from the beginning of next month due to every one looking like a… well, once again you’ve got in glorious technicolor. Anyone who gets a call while driving will have to pull over and call back. It’s genius and fabulous and well-overdue. Now, if we could just stop them using their mobiles when they are in the office that would be beautiful!

  23. Dave2 says:

    Bogup… I’m not a big fan of public spitting, but at least you can look away from that… when somebody is blasting away on their mobile while standing in line, you’re pretty much held captive and forced to listen.

    Kapha… I guess it’s just that so many people have mobiles now that everybody thinks it’s okay to act like a douche because everybody else is doing it. The mobile phone was a great invention, but I can’t help but be dismayed in how people use them.

    James… Now THAT’S an idea. I wonder if people actually started blasting rude idiots with an airhorn if eventually people would get the message?

    Southern Sweetheart… No doubt. I myself use profanity when I’m in the privacy of my own home or in the company of like-mouthed friends… but not in mixed company or public places where children are present! It’s not just rude… it’s perverse.

    Claire… But why? Why is it that people talk on their mobiles as if nobody else can hear them? Do they think that mobiles will magically mask their conversation or what? It just doesn’t make sense. Yet there are people merrily chatting away about the new meds they’re taking for their sexually transmitted disease or whatever… it boggles the mind.

    Wench… TRUTH!

    Rachel… But what you say is 100% true. The situation is only going to get worse, because kids are being trained to be rude on their mobiles from BIRTH. In fact, that would not surprise me… some bitch giving birth while talking on her mobile phone!

    Mooselet… When mobiles were first in wide-spread release, I was in Japan for a few weeks. The Japanese people took incredible care not to disturb others with their mobiles… even on a train, they would leave the compartment rather than disturb somebody else. My last trip there, it was just like everywhere else. Sad, really.

    Frances… Because I was too lazy to draw Lil’ Dave beating the crap out of a wrinkled, overly-tanned, idiot like the one who I was forced to endure! 🙂

    Laurence… Uh oh… I hope you don’t have to enter rehab with Britney Spears! 😀

    The Chad… Or take their phone away and kick it up their ass. Something tells me having a mobile phone impacted up your rectum would drive the point home.

    Dan… Me too. I wonder if they make tiny airhorns you can attach to your keychain or something?

    Avitable… And yet people seem more tolerable over mobile phone rudeness. I don’t know if it’s in defeat or complacency… but it’s a sad slide for society as a whole to endure.

    August… Well, if I didn’t use cartoons, and instead described my violent ideas with words, people would think I was a sadistic jerk. Somehow cartoon violence is still okay! 🙂

    Amy… I know I’d be smiling!

    Rick… Were mobile phones ever chic? They used to weigh 20 pounds and be as big as a bread box!

    Ms. Sizzle… And available at a moment’s notice too!

    Delmer… And there you have it. Blogography should be taught in schools!

    Jeff… Hmmm… that presents a dilemma. Dropping my pants ensures I have more fart control… better distance and reverberation… but it does indeed open up a whole new set of dangers when dealing with giant pricks!

    Miss Britt… YES! THAT’S THE WORD I WAS LOOKING FOR! People are shameless and lacking discretion when it comes to their phone conversations. That’s the problem we’re facing now. Even worse, they simply don’t care if it bothers other people.

    Bre… And yet installing a mobile phone jamming system is illegal. That’s insane… restaurants and theaters should be able to jam mobile phone signals for the comfort and enjoyment of everybody.

    Jaye… I don’t think it’s a bad thing to wear a headset while at work or driving or whatever… but walking down the street? Yes. Douchebag. Nobody is so important that they require access to their mobile phone continuously.

    Karl… Praise be to my ass! 😀

    Bec… Hopefully this catches on before people start dying… or getting farted on.

  24. Catherine says:

    I wrote this in my blog in 2004, after an incident in an otherwise relatively hushed and classy Seattle Symphony lobby:


    Please get off your damn cellular telephone. Are you in a quiet cafe? Are you in the symphony lobby? Are people around you working, resting, waiting quietly? Even snoozing? Maybe they just got their little one to nod off. Maybe they are trying to hear something else. Something that is far fewer decibels than your chirpy-ass larynx, like what the person standing right by their side is trying to say to them, for example. Hey, nobody wants to seem uncaring or anything, but NO-ONE GIVES A SHIT WHAT RODNEY IN ACCOUNTING IS DOING FOR DINNER.


  25. Erin says:

    Was your choice of a baseball bat as a lethal weapon in some way inspired by that completely bullshit ending on Veronica Mars last night? 🙂

  26. Dave2 says:

    Catherine… And it’s only getting worse and worse. That was 2004… can you even imagine how bad it will be in 2010?

    Erin… I wrote my entry hours before Veronica Mars aired, so maybe I’m psychic here? Personally, I thought the end of the episode was brilliant, but I know the “bludgeonee” had fans, so my sympathies. 🙁

  27. CiCi says:

    What astounds me is the cell phone conversationalists would probably die of embarassment before they’d walk up to a complete stranger and tell them about their health/money/whatever problems. But that’s what these overly loud intrusive phone calls amount to – a talk with a stranger about mostly intimate parts of their lives. What stuff were they smoking before they got on the phone? As a result – I’ve become very anti-cell phone. I appreciate their usefulness, but I hate the intrusion, to the point that I hardly use my own phone. I don’t want to be the “shit yeah” jerk to others.

  28. kapgar says:

    But the baseball bat is so much more fun!

  29. F2B says:

    Is your bunghole really up that far on your crack? Cuz then you’d have to basically lay down to poop, right?

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