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Posted on Wednesday, February 21st, 2007

Dave!"Well aren't you a whiny little bitch in your blog lately" she says in a tone of distaste.

Nothing like having a friend ring you up first thing in the morning so she can call you names... "Ooh look! Mayonnaise! You are whining about m-a-y-o-n-n-a-i-s-e now!" she cries, drawing out the word "mayonnaise" to an impressive 30 seconds. I act quickly to defend myself, but to dubious effect: "Uhhh... actually, I'm whining about Miracle Whip... see, they changed the recipe and it's melting into my toast..." I hear a huff of disgust followed by "Oh? Miracle Whip? Well that makes a BIG difference!" I then envision her eyes rolling so far back into her head that they get stuck there. "Maybe you shouldn't read my blog anymore, because whining is what I DO there," I offer helpfully. But she doesn't hear me... "HA! HA! The monkey is smuggling heroin up his ass?! HA! HAAAAAAA! Where do you come up with this stuff?"

Having friends and family reading your blog is a mixed bag.

On one hand, when I'm traveling or doing something interesting, everybody can see what's going on in my life without having to ask. In many ways, this is why I started blogging in the first place... it's easier than having to send a bunch of emails that all say the same thing, or having the same telephone conversation over and over. It also has the benefit of giving me a record of what I was doing two years ago (driving from Birmingham to Nashville with stops at the Hard Rock Cafes in Nashville and Gatlinburg) or even just two months ago (puking my guts out), which is kind of nifty.

On the other hand, much of what I write in my blog is stuff that I would never bore somebody with in "real life," so it can be confusing to people who know me (and even more perplexing to those who don't, I'm sure).

Such is the hazard of blogging from a small town where nothing very exciting ever happens, and all you do each day is work. You end up whining about a lot of little things (like Miracle Whip) because there's nothing else going on. I've toyed with the idea of only writing when I have something interesting to say, but what's the point of having a blog with only ten entries per year?

It makes me jealous of bloggers who live fabulous lives in the big city, because they almost never post an entry featuring a cartoon monkey smuggling heroin up his ass (and, when they do, it's bound to be much more entertaining and better-drawn than what you'll find here).

Which puts me in kind of a dilemma...

What Not To Blog

Since today was yet another boring day, should I talk about Britney Spears' continuing melt-down? Or how awesome and surprising Veronica Mars was last night? Or about that scary video of Anna Nicole Smith in clown makeup talking to a doll? Or maybe I should blog about the world's tiniest prematurely-born baby getting to go home?

I'm sure any of those topics would make for a most excellent blog entry.

But I'd much rather whine about people who over-fill their gas tanks and spill petrol all over the place. Don't you just want to roll them around in the spill until they've mopped it all up and then set them on fire? Because I am getting really sick and tired of getting out of my car to fill up, stepping in a puddle of gasoline, then having to smell it all day long. I've spent the latter half of my afternoon debating as to whether the fumes I've been inhaling are better or worse than the smell of the men's public toilet at an outdoor concert during the middle of 110-degree summer heat after two hundred drunken guys urinate on every available surface. Since I loathe both smells equally, you can see what a challenge this is for me.

Except now that I've gotten that off my chest, I feel a little better.

Isn't whining about your life what blogs are for?

Categories: Blogging 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. diane says:

    Abso-f’ing-lutely. I have been very whiny and grumpy in my blog lately. Largely because I have to put on the happy face every day for work. When you interact with people all day long, they don’t really care that you are tired, mad at blogger, and frustrated about the spelling of the word “weird.”
    Trust me, big city life doesn’t affect anything. It’s not like I spend every day writing about going to the Field Museum and then a glamorous nightclub downtown. Nah, it’s mostly work
    & friends, with an occasional slight nod to my lovelife.
    Someone should give all of us bloggers $1 million to do something fabulous and then blog about it, just to shake things up…

  2. Dave2 says:

    That’s what I said a couple years back!! I’m still open to my offer, by the way! πŸ™‚

  3. diane says:

    Ha ha ha!! That is excellent! Yeah, I just went through the last couple months and in almost every entry I talk about work. That’s really sad.

  4. Tina says:

    That’s why I read your blog. I like your miserable rants about people and Ma yo naise. I mean Miracle Whip. Keep on whining!

  5. james says:

    i whined today. Now i feel content. Thank you, dave

    check out my whine!

  6. Topic suggestion: should people who talk in cinemas receive the death penalty?

  7. rachel says:

    It’s my blawg and I’ll whine if I want to.

  8. claire says:

    You’re so right about VM! It makes those pussycat dolls ads all the more irritating. I don’t want to be reminded of the upcoming hiatus.

  9. Hilly says:

    Uh, Veronica Mars kicked much ass…especially at the end there.

    My husband recently told me that when he reads my blog, he is sometimes stunned because he has no idea that I am feeling such things. I pat him on the head and tell him that is what the blog is for ;).

  10. Jeff says:

    I have to debate you on one point. Writing about Britney Spears would NOT make for a most excellent blog entry. I don’t think there is anything you can write about her that could make for an excellent blog entry.

  11. Chag says:

    Please keep doing what you’re doing! I really enjoy your take on things.

  12. Mooselet says:

    My in-laws read my blog, in which I refer to their son as a hermit (well, the Hermit) and post weekly pictures of half naked men. I nearly died when I learned they read it faithfully, but am coming to grips with it. I do occasionally wonder what my straight laced m-i-l thinks about some of the things I bitch and swear about, but I lack the courage to ask.

    Please don’t post about Britney losing what little mind she has or the train wreck that was Anna Nicole. I’d much rather look at L’il Dave’s nekkid backside.

  13. Bogup says:

    Whining is not “one of the seven deadly sins” in-so-far-as-I-know. Have at it in between the travel posts and other musings…
    With the cool graphics you make, it all adds up to a great blog.
    Be careful of that “wrath/anger” one though. πŸ˜‰

    Seven deadly sins:

  14. Melanie says:

    Other than to say that I wish the paparazzi would stop hovering, vulturelike, over the disastrous lives of tragicomic celebrities, I have no desire whatsoever to write about ANS or BS.
    But – Miracle Whip on toast? Eh. Not probably something I’d like too much.

  15. adena says:

    B-But….I don’t HAVE to get out of my car to pump my gas!! πŸ™‚

    Actually, I’m kinda jealous that you manage to find stuff to blog about (whiny or not) on a daily basis.

    I’m pretty sporadic w/ my posts, and I feel like such an underachiever when there are people out there that religiously post every day.

    Even if it is about maaaaaaaaayonaaaaaaaaaaise.

  16. Dave2 says:

    Diane… On the bright side, you’re employed. πŸ™‚

    Tina… No worries there!

    James… Except that “Don’t Download This Song” was LEGALLY released as a DRM-free download as a promotional tool for Weird Al’s latest album…

    David… Short answer? Yes. Long answer? In the most painful way possible.

    Rachel… Wait a second… I thought this was MY blog? I be all confused.

    Claire… I plan on going into a coma once Veronica Mars goes on hiatus and not waking up until she’s back. I don’t even want to think about what I might do if she’s cancelled. πŸ™

    Hilly… In the nearly four years I’ve had this blog, I’ve not been in a “serious” relationship, so I can’t imagine what it must be like. But my blog never gets really serious or personal, so I don’t know if it would pose a challenge or not.

    Jeff… She’s pretty messed up. Anybody who makes me look normal is something worth blogging about!

    Chag… Lucky for you I don’t know how to do anything else! πŸ™‚

    Mooselet… My family and friends already know that I am quasi-sanity-challenged, so I’m afraid there’s not much I could do here to shock any of them. Except pose naked. Hmmmmm…

    Bogup… But FAUX wrath/anger is okay, isn’t it? Thanks for providing the checklist for my weekend, by the way… that makes it so much easier to make sure I make the most of it.

    Melanie… But it’s okay if you take the Miracle Whip on toast and make it into a sandwich with veggie bacon, lettuce, tomato, and cheddar cheese!

    Adena… Oh yeah… you must be one of those people from Oregon or New Jersey who can’t be trusted to pump their own gas! You need professionals to do the job! Ha ha!*


    *Though I fully admit this would totally solve the problem of idiots over-filling their gas tanks… so maybe the joke is on us??

  17. Michael says:

    I initially made a goal to blog about something intellectually stimulating everyday. Well, that didn’t happen. So, I thought, fine. I’ll blog about something everyday, even if it’s not my best work. Didn’t happen either. So, I’ve been pretty sporadic, only posting when I have something good. In the last few days go, I’ve been going pretty good. I think a blog is the perfect place to rant about things that you think people won’t care about. The fact is, some people are nosy enough to care about your rants, so you’re guaranteed to get readers.

  18. Avitable says:

    When it’s as entertaining as your whining, it should be a regular occurrence.

  19. rachel says:

    Dave, this is why I rarely comment when I’m on drugs. I confusticate people. Anyway, sing that little song to yourself (record it if you can because I’m sure we’d all love to hear that)..

    pink puffy hearts!

  20. kilax says:

    We can be as whiny as we want and say whatever the hell we want because these are OUR blogs. Muah ha ha, whine away! We all love your stories.

  21. Bec says:

    Whining is a perfectly acceptable part of a blog. Particularly yours, because you can solve your whines with a baseball bat, or by setting peopel on fire (which I heartily agree with – shoes ruined, badness, mood all day – not even my car, grumble whinge). Today is going to be a whiny day for me in real life. I’ve been at work for an hour and I already ‘wanna go home.’ and my coffee’s gone cold.

    Is it bad I didn’t know ANS was dead until I read it on a blog? (Checked – yep, yours.)

  22. GΓΆran says:

    at least gas is cheap in the states. Ramones canceled their gigs in Sweden because they were sniffing a gallon a day and the price for gas was just too high here.

  23. My family and friends know I have a blog, but don’t read it. I’ve told them I love writing it, but it’s purpose is for me to distill the day and figure out exactly how I feel about things, so sometimes I’m brutally honest. This means they shouldn’t read it as I don’t want to censor myself. They completely understand.

    That way I can get away with reading ‘Valley of the Dolls’ and they’re none the wiser.

  24. yellojkt says:

    A blog is where you are supposed to whine.

    Britney hasn’t hit bottom yet, hold off. And I’m sorry, that preemie looks terrible.

  25. Karl says:

    Hell, without the whining I’d have no blog.

  26. August says:

    Well, obviously you are doing something right since it seems that so many comment and read your blog. I like they whineys. I agree with you on the whole blogs being perplexing to people who know you in real life. I started blogging for the same reason, to just talk about whatever I don’t want to bore my real friends with. Although, I think I still talk about the same things with them. I still get a little wierded out when I find out my real friends have found my blog and are lurking and reading and not commenting. It makes me feel more inhibited about what I write. But then, I’m wierd that way.

  27. Jill says:

    Dave, your blog is perfect as it is. It’s fun, it’s funny and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only person in the world who can’t stand stupid drivers or ignorant people who blather on their cell phones all the time. A little whine is good for the soul πŸ™‚

  28. sandra says:

    I sometimes wish my blog was anonymous, so that I could write whatever I wanted and not have anyone mention the subject matter to me later…but, whatever.

    (wow, that was a comment with a point if I’ve ever read one…)

  29. ms. sizzle says:

    the thing that makes you an awesome blogger IS your ability to talk about mundane daily life stuff and make it entertaining. and i would beg to differ that there is some big city blogger who could beat you. as if!

  30. Venting frustration is an important part of remaining sane. Keep up the good work!

  31. Bre says:

    I don’t know if I actually do anything other than whine on my blog…

  32. Aargh says:

    Dave it belongs to you, you can do anything you want with your blog and if some blowhard has a problem…they can F****** and die!
    Jeez some peoples kids!

    Thanks Dave I needed that Whine!

  33. Laurence says:

    I read you because you don’t talk about the commun subjects… (I don’t know if I use the good words)

    And your drawing are beautiful and your humor makes them so interesting ! (I hope you understand !) πŸ™‚

    P.S. Blogging in a big town don’t make an interesting blog ! It is YOU who make your blog fantastic !
    P.P.S. I prefer to read the dilemma about the smell !!! πŸ˜‰

  34. kapgar says:

    The thing is, though, that you actually make your small town seem much more interesting than you give it credit for. Simply by writing about the little things that happen. Almost a Lake Wobegon quality to it all.

    HRC in Nashville, eh? I may have to go there next month.

  35. Dan says:

    Yep. And I think I do a damn fine job of it too…

  36. Catherine says:

    I find myself whining in the blog. I argue thusly:

    πŸ˜€ Well, go ahead! It’s your blog. Free country.

    πŸ™ Hey, you’re going to alienate people, who wants to hear what a drag what a drag over and over?

    πŸ˜€ But griping can be so entertaining if you are funny and witty and snarky. They’ll relate! They’ll say, now why don’t I just go right ahead and say that shit!

    πŸ™ Your 5.3 readers are gonna worry and/or think you are a cranky mudge. Someone is going to call your mother.


    πŸ˜€ Look, Ma, Dave’s doing it, so I can do it, too! He’s an inspiration.

    My mother says to please not jump off any bridges.

  37. suze says:

    blogs are for the whining. absolutely.

    But you could have written about Veronica. I mean, Lamb! Lamb! oh the humanity πŸ˜‰

  38. I want to know what’s up with the Anna Nicole pic! jesus, that’s scary!

    I don’t advertise my blog to ANYBODY. if they find it, oh well, but I want to be able to talk freely about (ie, make fun of) anybody I want on any given day – friends and family included! lol

  39. Jacki says:

    It’s the people that don’t whine that end up going on a shooting rampage. So whine away. Because I’m not sure if they have wireless internet in prison…and I need my daily fix of Dave.

  40. NetChick says:

    Jeez, my blog wouldn’t be too interesting if I didn’t fully describe my trainwreck life in excruciating detail. I believe my rants about single life, and the audacity of *some* males in Vancouver, for starters, should be mandatory reading for many single guys up here who don’t have a clue.

    Christ, it’s my blog, and I’ll write what I want… and what makes for more compelling content than living vicariously through my shit?

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