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Posted on Monday, February 19th, 2007

Dave!I am a total mayonnaise whore.

I will put mayo on anything. I heap it on French fries. I pour it on sandwiches. I drench my potato salad. I cover my vegetables. Whatever. Sometimes I think the only reason that I eat veggie burgers is so that I have an excuse to dump obscene amounts of mayonnaise on them. I'd probably eat it straight out of the jar if I wouldn't die from the massive amount of fat it would introduce into my system.

The only thing I don't eat mayonnaise on is a VBLTCC. Whenever I eat a VBLTCC (Veggie Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato, and Cheddar Cheese sandwich on toast) I use Miracle Whip. Don't ask me why.

Because I use Miracle Whip so rarely, a small jar lasts me a very long time. The stuff usually expires before I have a chance to eat it all up. When my previous jar of Miracle Whip expired, I bought a new jar and found that it wasn't the same... it kind of soaked into the toast or something. I figured it was probably just a bad jar, but didn't toss it out since I don't use it very often. Well, that jar recently expired, so I purchased a new one. Then today I go to make myself a VBLTCC and find out my new Miracle Whip also melts into the toast and sucks ass. Refusing to believe that I got yet another bad jar, I decided to Google it...

And found out that the Miracle Whip dumbasses changed their recipe.

The primary ingredient is no longer oil, it's water. WATER!!

WTF?!? No wonder the crap falls apart and soaks into my toast, IT'S BECAUSE THE SHIT IS MADE OUT OF WATER!! How incredibly stupid. If they want to cut corners to save money, that's fine... but call it something other than Miracle Whip, BECAUSE IT'S NOT MIRACLE WHIP ANYMORE!

This kind of idiotic crap drives me insane. Did they learn nothing from the "New Coke" fiasco?" Oh well, the original REAL Miracle Whip recipe is available at Top Secret Recipes (for free!), so I guess I'll have to start making my own.

Miracle Whip bastards.

Categories: Food 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Hilly says:

    Speaking of new formulas, I am so pissed. Yes, first we’ll do me then get to you ;). I have always looooved Diet 7up when I am sick because of the bubble content. Well the asshats went and made it all “limony” and it lost it’s ooomph. So mad.

    Anyway, ew. I love ya Dave, but ew. I have a hard time with mayo but really cannot stand the Miracle Whip. Someone should poll the internets and see who likes which kind of white goop.

  2. adena says:

    I hate Miracle Whip. Blegh. Double Blegh.

    I loves me some mayo, tho’. Mix it w/ ketchup. Mmmmmm….Fry Sauce.

  3. Hi, new here, glad you’re a welcoming blogger!

    Anyway, I had to comment on the whole mayo thing. I hate the stuff. Can’t stand it. Don’t even want it sitting near me in the kitchen. I feel the same about Miracle Whip. ug. all of it. But I love mustard in the same way you love mayo and I must admit I’d be pissed too if they didn’t something with my mustard. In that respect, I feel for you. 🙂

  4. Jaye says:

    Since I am a good Southern girl (or at least, that’s what I’d have my family believe), I would sooner go without grits than actually touch the vile that is Miracle Whip.

    And what in the hell is up with putting mayo on a burger? That’s absolutely sick. Sick I tell you. Mustard goes on burgers. Period.

    Yankees. Sheesh.

  5. Dave2 says:

    Adena… Yes. Yeeeeessssss… mixing mayo with ketchup is excellent. EXCELLENT! I do this often with French fries.

    Southern Sweetheart… I like mustard okay. Though I prefer regular old French’s mustard over Grey Poupon, which is probably sacrilege to somebody. 🙂

    Jaye… I thought mustard was for hot dogs and ketchup was for hamburgers?? I know you can’t put ketchup on a hot dog in Chicago… they like BEAT you for doing something like that.

  6. Gaaaah! I cannot stand Miracle Whip (not a fan of mayo either, but it’s at least tolerable.) I got a Nation’s hamburger once and they use Miracle Whip instead of mayo on their burgers. I did not know this. I literally gagged and spit up in the garbage can at my desk. Heh. People wonder why I get my food plain. I don’t trust those bastards.

  7. Randy says:

    Well, I couldn’t agree with you more on your mayonaise (Best Foods only) enjoyment. Here’s a hint, add just a tiny splash of kikoman soysauce to ANYTHING with mayonaise on it…it just might be better yet. My favorite with this combo is with brocolli…

  8. Dave2 says:

    Kentucky Girl… I cannot imagine Miracle Whip on a hamburger. That’s just sad.

    Randy… There’s not enough mayo in the world to make me eat broccoli! 😀

  9. I’m with you. I love mayo on just about everything-sandwiches, burgers, you name it. I despise almost all other condiments save for Worcestershire sauce. Mayo is the best.

  10. NetChick says:

    Y’know… I’ve noticed a trend in blogging for you lately, Dave! It’s all about food. I think it’s time you get a girlfriend! 😉

  11. Mrs RW says:

    Mr RW puts Miracle Whip on bread instead of butter. Yuck! Miracle Whip on a sandwich, yes. Plain on bread, no! He used to do the same thing with Mayo, but somewhere along the line he switched. We get the giganto economy size jar because God forbid we run out.

    What about sandwich spread? You know, the stuff that’s like mayo with pickle relish in it?

  12. Dave2 says:

    Frances… I had to give up Worcestershire sauce when I became a vegetarian (it contains anchovies, and I can’t eat the little fishies)… but I found a vegetarian equivalent that’s not too bad. About the only place I use it is in chip dip.

    NetChick… So she can cook for me?

    Mrs. RW… Miracle Whip like butter? Oh I’m afraid that I love butter too much to do that! Butter is another food I can smear on anything. 🙂

  13. Mis says:

    I’m so happy to hear I’m not the only mayo whore out there. I do the french fry thing too…and any sammich I only do mayo…it’s all I even put on hot dogs. Love the stuff.

    Miracle whip on the other hand makes me want to hork. So, you can have my share.

  14. Kapha says:

    Amazing how many things like this suddenly change when they’ve been doing it right for umpteen years.

    Since the late 80’s any time I see “New and Improved” (or variants) and/or the packaging changes my first thought is:

    (1) They’ve been bought out and the new product stinks.
    (2) They’ve been overtaken by the Bean Counters who wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit their bum and the new product stinks.
    (3) Some idiot or idiots thought they could do it better than a proven product that’s been selling forever and the new product stinks.

    Basically it’s a 99% chance anymore that the new product stinks. And it seems like products are changing all the time now.

    Wonder why…

  15. yellojkt says:

    Mayo and ketchup is great for the waffle cut fries like Chik-Fil-A sells. Yumm. I try to avoid mayo because it is empty calories even if it does taste so good.

    I grew up on MW and margarine, so mayo and butter are like gourmet foods to me.

  16. Michelle says:

    Ah, Dave, it wasn’t meant to be. I can’t stand mayo. Or Miracle Whip. Matter o’ fact, I just get creeped out by anything white and creamy in my mouth. (Talkin’ food here folks, sheesh). But it goes even further with biting into anything and having it squish in my mouth. EW! Jelly donuts. *shudder*

  17. Bre says:

    I actually just bought some miracle whip on my latest grocery shopping trip… now I’m a bit concerned! 🙂

  18. Lady says:

    “I am a total mayonnaise whore.”

    I’ve cruised by a here from time to time, for a grin or two, but that starting line hooked me. I had to stop and toss in my two cents:

    Damn! But a lady such as I can’t help but appreciate a man such as you. One who shoots straight and tells it straight like that.

    Beside that, I’m standing behind you in that ‘more mayo please’ line. Especially when it comes to mayo and fries. Or rather, make that a ‘pomme friet’ with mayonnaise. A real treat for this Dutch gal.

    As to the MW woe. Water instead of oil?! Who knew they could cheap out and make their product even less desirable than before! Stick with the real stuff, luvie, on your next VBLTCC – just be sure to jazz it up with a mix-in or two, as so many others have already suggested here.


  19. Avitable says:

    Mayo on fries is a delicacy. I’m glad I’m not the only one who prefers that.

  20. sandra says:

    Dave, I love you just a little more today; I adore mayonnaise, despite the fact that people seem to relish in thinking it’s disgusting — and use it on everything but BLATs and in egg salad.

  21. ms. sizzle says:

    i prefer aioli so i’m probably banned to another planet or something. i’ve actually never had miracle whip. i feel for you dave- first the coke, now this. i think you may have found your new calling in life?


  22. Karl says:

    Ugh, hate the mayo, love the Miracle Whip.

  23. Miss Britt says:

    Mmmmm…. mayo and fries.

    Man I miss carbs.

  24. Lela says:

    I bet they think water is healthier than oil. I bet I won’t buy Miracle Whip until they change the recipe back, too!! No BLTs, no potato salad, no tuna salad . . . sigh.

  25. kapgar says:

    I wonder if I might now actually be able to stomach Miracle Whip. Couldn’t stand the crap before.

  26. I usually do without either mayo or miracle whip. I try to eliminate anything that I don’t find completely necessary in my diet – especially when it’s something really fattening. I sure as hell don’t plan to start exercising like, ever, so this is the only way to go for me. 🙂

    if you seriously take the time to make your own miracle whip, you are seriously hard core. lol let us know how it turns out!

  27. rachel says:

    I HATE Miracle Whip. I am a mayo whore. I love to mix mayo, mustard and ketchup and drown my fries in it. If I ask you if you have mayo and you hand me Miracle Whip I will read you the side where it says this is “salad dressing”.

    Now I am craving some mayo. Thnx. Bai.

  28. Laurence says:

    One thing : I LOVE MAYO !!! Okaaaaay ! (It was my cry for today) 😀

  29. Mike says:

    Those comments all in italics were just driving me crazy. 😉

    And I like Mayo too, but then again I like Heroes too…

  30. Mooselet says:

    I wouldn’t say I love mayo, but I certainly like it. It’s always in the fridge. My daughter has a friend who puts mayo on literally everything. She’s been over for dinner several times and from pizza to steak (and good fillet steak, not the cheap stuff) on goes the mayo.

    I generally don’t like Miracle Whip, except for the fried egg sandwiches my m-i-l makes. With MW they’re awesome, without they’re just a fried egg sandwich.

  31. Mocha says:

    Dave. Honey. Darling.

    Does your cholesterol count have a comma in it?

  32. Neil says:

    As far as I know Miracle Whip is (or was) roughly the same ingredients as mayonnaise but with a lot of sugar or high fructose corn syrup added to make it sweet. I prefer standard mayo so I’ve never tried this but I would think that you could either make it yourself and include sugar or buy the regular stuff and dump some sugar in.

  33. Tracy Lynn says:

    I like mayo for some things (burgers and fries) and the Whip for others (sammiches) although I, too had been wondering about why it’s been acting funky. I thought it had been going bad.
    So I wrote a very nasty letter to Kraft, those fuckers.

    I LOVE the new 7up, though. Very yummy.

  34. Catherine says:

    I adore mayo, especially on a toasted turkey and provolone sandwich. With avocado, red onion, a little iceberg and a generous dash of oregano, and maybe some good honey mustard dressing. Mmmmm.

    Anyway, will you now be putting mayo on your VBLTCC?

  35. Naomi says:

    Water?! HA! Miracle Whip is made with devil giz.

  36. Amy Guth says:

    Peas in (mayo) pods!

    (Mayo + tofurkey + potato latke + pumpernickel toast + pepperjack soy cheese = wicked awesomeness)

  37. Jer Bear says:

    I’ve NEVER had anything with mayo on it that I didn’t like better with miracle whip. The recipe change is insane though. WHAT were they thinking???!!!

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