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Shaved

Posted on Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006

Dave!Strange. I got all ready for a bullet-point entry because I thought it was Sunday for some reason. I wonder what that's all about? Oh well, it's not like I haven't got a million other things to blog about. In fact, I never understand how bloggers get writer's block because surely everybody has a more exciting life than mine? Today I sat in an office almost all day, and yet I am still having to decide which thing I should write about... The bitch who flipped me off on the way to work? Nearly breaking my arm trying to get Chili Cheese Fritos out of the vending machine? Having Robert iChat me from his toilet to tell me he got a new MacBook with iSight camera? The inexplicable hate mail I got this morning? My new — hey, wait a second, yes... let's go with the hate mail...

I usually don't share viewer hate-mail because, well, it's not like I want to encourage these people... but today's rant was so utterly bizarre that I feel compelled to share. And the reason I say it's bizarre is because it wasn't complaining about the usual stuff like my imaginary abuse of clowns, my support of gay marriage, my assertion that Pat Robertson is insane, or my thinking that I'm God. Oh no. This time it's about chest shaving.

Yes. You read that right. Chest shaving!

Dave Shaved

While reading the email I was all WTF? Because I didn't remember ever having taken a stand either for or against shaving chest hair. Why in the hell would I care what a guy wants to do with his chest? I don't even care what I do with my own. So there I am ready to delete the email as a total nut-job when I decide to Google myself and find out if I had inadvertently insulted chest-shavers along the way.

It turns out that I kind of did.

But not really.

Last year I wrote about walking into an airport bathroom only to see a dude shaving his chest with an electric razor. Needless to say, I was freaked out about it, and decided to write about the horror of it all in my blog.

How could I have forgotten something like that?

I must have been blocking it from my mind.

Anyway, the email rambled on a while, but could ultimately be summarized in that I'm an asshole for calling the chest-shaver guy a "prissy bitch" and I shouldn't be critical of somebody else's grooming choices. Or something like that. But that's where the email hater was wrong. You see, the prissy bitch option was Option B. As I explained in the entry, I did not choose Option B... I selected Option F. I did not call the guy in an airport a prissy bitch at all. So this time the hate mail wasn't even justified, because the writer jumped to a conclusion before reading to the end of my entry.

Who's the asshole now? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Hmmm... maybe I should have written about the Chili Cheese Fritos incident after all...


Categories: Blogging 2006Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Brandon says:

    Well, to be fair, I thought you called him a prissy-bitch. I took it as not really being a part of the option but an actual description of this freak because, come on now, he is a prissy-bitch.

    By the way, my theory on the chest shaver is that it was his second time ever shaving his chest. He shaved it once but didn’t realize that he was going to have to continue shaving it all the time. The itching got to be too much to take so he had to whip out his razor and do his business.

  2. Laurence says:

    – Blogography don’t depend of your “exciting or not” life. Blogography depends of what you think of your life !!! It isn’t the same thing… I don’t read you because your life is exciting. I read you because I’m exciting of Dave daily’s thinking !!! You understand !!! ;-)

    – Lil Dave is so hilarious. Bad Monkey have always the accessory which makes the difference. The PINK razor !

    – Ah, the men’s restroom reserve some surprises !!! I don’t think that shave chest is a good idea. I propose the “waxing” in the public restroom. That could be scaring for men !!! :-D

  3. The Chad says:

    You should consider yourself lucky. I love hatemail, mostly becouse I enjoy posting it ridiculing the author. But, I never get any hatemail anymore.

  4. It never ceases to amaze me what people find time to complain about.

    On a more disturbing note Lil Dave’s chest hair, when viewed from a distance, totally forms the shape of ET’s head.

  5. Jeff says:

    Well, you know what they say Dave – “You can’t please all of the people…”

    I never get hate mail because I rarely write anything as controversial as shaving chest hair or confirming asserting that Pat Robertson is insane. But that’s why I read you. I like to live on on the edge that way.

  6. jenny says:

    Good god, some people have way too much time on their hands if they’re sending you hate mail about chest hair. Sheesh.

    And now I kind of do see ET’s head in ‘Lil Dave’s chest hair – it’s kind of like those 3D posters at the mall.

    I actually was going to say that his chest hair looked like chocolate sprinkles. Yum… chocolately hairy goodness! On that note, happy Thanksgiving everyone!

  7. Rob says:

    I have those same pair of boxers that cartoon dave is wearing! How awesome is that!

  8. karla says:

    I stand by my opinion that men who shave their chests aren’t manly men. They are, indeed, prissy bitches.

    I likes me some HAIR. What else ya gonna hold on to?

    Lil’ Dave’s chest hair in the form of ET’s head made from chocolate sprinkles? I am sure that is a dessert SOMEWHERE.

  9. Göran says:

    Are those funky underwear mandatory when chest shaving?

  10. diane says:

    Last night I used an airplane bathroom for the first time. I’ve always done everything in my power to prepare for NOT needing to use it, but my plane was delayed and I stupidly drank a BIG bottle of water before boarding.
    Anyway, I was terrified at what I might find, and it turned out–it was actually a pretty nice little bathroom with no crazy people inside. Moreover, FAR less frightening than the things I’ve seen on public transit. :)
    Happy Tofurkey Day to you and all!

  11. ms. sizzle says:

    any guy who is going to shave his chest hair in an airport bathroom, PUBLICLY, not in a stall mind you, is a prissy bitch.

    you know this. i know this. we all know this. even asshole hate mail commenter knows.

    not that there is anything wrong with that…

  12. Mooselet says:

    I suppose he could’ve been shaving other areas instead, but who shaves anything besides the face in public? How very twee.

    Lil’ Dave is very manly with all that chest hair, along with the snail trail.

  13. Hilly says:

    What kind of total freakshow has time to bitch and moan about your opinion of someone shaving his chest hair? Here’s a thought….shut down the PC or Apple and head outside, assjacket.

    Ahhh, such Thanksgiving sweetness from me ;). Knowing many people that live where you do, I can totally see why you would call that person a prissy beyotch…which reminds me, we are going to be up your way New Years for about 10 days!

  14. nancycle says:

    DON’T DO IT! I REPEAT, DO NOT SHAVE YOUR CHEST!!!!!!

    I’ve only seen a picture of Lil Dave and a razer and read the words “Shave Chest”…I will resume reading now.

  15. nancycle says:

    Whew. Close call.

    Prissy Bitch…heh heh hee, you so have gay friends!

    :-)

    I’m watching an episode of The Office where skinny arms were just requested to fetch lodged treats from the vending machine. Not nearly as interesting a reading about the Prissy Bitch and your LOUD comment.

  16. delmer says:

    In preparation of the recent surgery, I had my chest professionally shaved by a nurse. My belly too.

    I still itch. In fact, last night is the first night my itching has awakened me in the middle of the night. Fortunately, I had to pee so I had a reason to wake up anyway.

    Maybe if I shaved it daily I could avoid the hair-growing-back-in itching … I’m just not sure.

  17. claire says:

    Shaving in public (even a restroom setting) just isn’t something I’d want to see which I assume was more the source of your horror than the shaving itself.

    It’d be right up there with nail clipping in public for me. All those little hairs covering the sink/counter- ew. And even if it was to alleviate itch-mania, it’s a stop-gap solution. Lotion or conditioner would seem to be the way to go.

  18. walt says:

    Dave:

    I’m sorry but you have the right to call any man whatever you want when he’s in an airport bathroom shaving his chest. If one act of grooming screams out for ridicule that act would be it! Who does that? I feel bad for the cleaning crew. What’s next trimming the hedges? Taking down the bag beard! I agree we all need do some house keeping once in a while but clog your own drains! OR be ridiculed by those that find it socially creepy! It’s almost as weird as the guys that find it okay to hover around the locker room naked talking to everyone. Is it the smell of mold and feet that keep them from dressing and the conversation flowing?

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