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Posted on Wednesday, September 27th, 2006

Dave!I do not like to shop. Therefore, I do not like the mall. And, let's face it, once you've been to Mall of America, all other malls kind of pale in comparison anyway. But I had time to kill while I was waiting for work yesterday, so off to the mall it was.

Which was a mistake.

Because mobile phone carrier competition has reached such absurd levels that salesmen are happy to chase you down the mall screaming "HEY BUDDY! HEY! WHAT CELL PHONE DO YOU HAVE? NEED A BETTER PHONE?" Having been through this before, I know better than to answer, and try my best to run away before I get the urge to take their phone and kick it up their ass.

Anyway. Since I didn't go to the mall to buy anything, I instead do what I usually do... I observe.

Eventually I ended up walking into a jewelry store so I could try to figure out what typeface they used on their signs. While I was there, I overheard some poor bastard trying to buy an engagement ring. From appearances, this was a hard-working, blue-collar gentleman who didn't know anything about jewelry, but did know that he loves a woman enough to want to marry her. He loves her so much that he is willing to sacrifice a massive chunk of his precious income so she can have something pretty to show her friends. He looks at a ring and thinks not about all the things he has to give up in order to buy it, but what he will gain because of it. It's hopelessly romantic and incredibly sad at the same time.

It reminded me of when Liz over at Everyday Goddess wrote about letting go of the engagement ring, and I have to wonder how it came to be that proving the depth of your love is intrinsically linked to how much money you can spend. Then I take the time to actually read the signs I was looking at, and everything becomes clear. It's shame. Jewelry manufacturers shame you into it. If you love somebody, you prove it by buying gold and diamonds... love alone isn't enough. Suddenly I don't see the romance in it at all, and am just sad.

It all balances out though, because as I was leaving the mall, I saw this little gem of a wall calendar...

Lindsay Calendar

What's interesting here is that all of the photos are older shots where she was brutally hot... none of the newer, anorexic, meth-addict-looking photos are included...

Lohan Coochie
Toxic taco photos stolen from Avitable.

And with Lindsay flashing her coochie everywhere she goes, I have to think that this calendar would be a serious disappointment to its intended audience of horny 12-year-old boys who have become fans of something other than her movies and music.

Music that makes. Me. Want. To. Scream. (In an extended entry, that is)...

In other news, I just found out that the video for Michael & Janet Jackson's Scream is available at the iTunes Music Store. The most expensive music video ever made (a cool 7 MILLION dollars), it features Janet looking disturbingly hot and Michael looking... errr... disturbing.


I'm amazed at how convincingly Janet can pull-off being a bad-ass, whereas Michael just looks... well, not so-much. Still, it's a cool video I'm glad to have. Sadly, it looks a little pixelated, and I have to wonder if this is typical of Apple's new 640x480 downloads? I hope sure hope not. Though that complaint takes a distant back-seat to the fact that you don't get an audio-only version of the song to put on your iPod shuffle since it can't take a video file. And having to buy a song twice...

Makes. Me. Want. To. Scream.

Categories: Music 2006, Travel 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Kyra says:

    This post was just disturbing on so many levels… things I never wanted to know about lohan, to images of michael jackson (which, I think it’s that he has more double X genes than SHE does, in response to why she can look badass and he can’t.)

    Um, why was that the most expensive video ever made, anyway? (did they factor the plastic surgery costs into it or something?)

  2. Mark says:

    I say buy the mp3, since the resolution is so small on the video.

  3. Jeff says:

    Thank you…. for covering up Lindsay’s toxic tacos. Those pictures are scary.

  4. Miss Britt says:

    Every woman wants to be loved to the point of sacrifice. Whether it’s money, time or poker night – nothing says “I love you” like sacrifice.

  5. Dave2 says:

    Kyra… I dunno. The special effects were pretty outrageous, so I’m sure they cost major bank (especially back at the time this was made).

    Mark… But then I’d be missing out on all the Janet hotness! Even pixelated Janet is better than no Janet at all. 🙁

    Jeff… I look at the photo where she’s being helped out of a boat in Venice and all I can do is wonder if her boney arm got snapped in half immediately after this picture was taken. She used to be SO amazingly hot. So beautiful. Now she’s a pale shadow of her former self (literally).

    Britt… Sacrificing for love I can understand. Most worthwhile things involve sacrifice in one way or another. But for a ring? And to think you have to top that when you end up buying the wedding band! I’d think giving up poker night is the worthier sacrifice because THAT, dear Miss Britt, is from the heart! 🙂

  6. I am SO glad to know that I am not the only nerd walking around identifying fonts.

  7. ms. sizzle says:

    woah janet DOES look bad ass. like joan jett bad ass. michael just looks like a f’d up apparition. but then again, doesn’t he always?

    that coochie link is spot on.

  8. kapgar says:

    Actually, I haven’t had any problems with the new TV shows I’ve downloaded lately in the higher res format for iTunes 7. But I haven’t tried any music videos yet.

    Yeah, I was going to say something about those obviously being older pictures of Lindsay and nothing else. Can’t remember how long it’s been since she was that hot. Such a shame.

  9. Pauly D says:

    I always loved this video. So I just downloaded it. And now I’m going to go watch it on my black video iPOD that someone just gave me as a thank you gift for saving them from when their car was hanging off an embankment near my house.

  10. Mooselet says:

    $7 million for that video??? Get the f*ck outta here. As I remember it the most disturbing part of that one was not so much Janet grabbing her tits but doing it in a video with her brother. I’m trying to picture me grabbing my boobies angrily (which would kinda hurt) with my brother nearby… nope!!

    I have to ‘fess that I have a gorgeous and quite large engagement ring, but in my defence I talked him out of getting something bigger. Honest, I did. Bigger is not always better… when it comes to rings anyway.

  11. Dave2 says:

    Kentucky Girl… Is there anything else to do in a mall?? 🙂

    Ms. Sizzle… Oooh yes! I had forgotten about Joan Jett bad-ass-ness! She really ripped it up in the “I Hate Myself for Loving You” video. Good call.

    Kapgar… The video I got is noticeably pixelated, particularly whenever the scene has smooth lines in it (like Michael and Janet’s space ship).

    Pauly… Just when I think it is impossible for you to get any more macho than you already are, you have to go and save people from sudden death with your bare hands. I now have the equivalent manliness of a 4-year-old girl… and, even then, she could probably beat me in arm wrestling.

    Mooselet… Yes, SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS!! Why anybody would spend that kind of bank on a music video boggles my mind. But that was back in the day Michael had all kinds of mad dollars available, so who knows?

  12. Chase says:

    I’m all about not spending an assload of money on jewelry. It’s just tarded. In every serious relationship I’ve been in, I always make sure to say “NO DIAMONDS”. I’ve gotten 4 rings (non-engagement, of course)…but no diamonds! 🙂

    Then again, I’m kinda all about not getting married in the first place…so maybe that has something to do with it.

  13. Laurence says:

    You are absolutly right.
    I want to kiss you when you are so clever and romantic at the same time !

    And I would add one question : if 2 persons love each other, why they want to get married ? Love is not enough ?
    Sometimes, I ask them and their answer makes me sad : “To pay less tax” or “for the fun”.
    The wife often say “My wedding is the most beautiful day of my life!”. I ask her why. And I want to cry when she answers “because I had a beautiful dress”, or “because I had a lot of guests” or “because I had a lot of fun”. It’s sad… I think…

    PS I like too the video !

  14. Kyle I says:

    Ohhhh, that poor soul. I couldn’t agree more, Dave. I’ve never understood the significance of diamonds and love. I worked for someone a while back that had to tell everybody that he was spending $13k on a ring for his lady…schmuck…and to top it all off, he was a cheating bastard. How’s that for love?

    I hate those cell phone guys at the mall. I always feel like I just walked on to a used car lot and I’m being chased by the guy that has a greasy comb-over and a suit from 1979.

  15. Hilly says:

    Diamonds are forever, blah blah blah. Around Xmas time, I hate the constant radio and TV ads that basically state that the only way to show her that you love her is buy getting her diamonds; they are so wrong for that….HELLO, the way to show her that you love her is by getting her a 21 inch flat screen monitor, duh ;). But yeah, people put too much importance on the ring, I even replied at Everyday Goddess that my hubby let me pick what I wanted and I did not gouge him, but picked something based on what kind of jewelry I like, not monetary value.

    Also, the ONE good thing about living in snobville, CA is that we don’t have the “mall pushers”. Man, in Arizona, I would never go to the mall for fear of mauling one of them with my Jamba Juice straw.

  16. undisciplined says:

    Tip for everyone: Ditch the engagement ring and go for a fantastic vacation together!

  17. Mark says:

    Dave, I guess I never really cared for music videos all that much. If I want to look at Janet Jackson being hot, I’d probably search for pics on the internets. Music moves me; music videos, not so much. Although that song isn’t very moving.

  18. Mrs RW says:

    My original engagement ring was a sapphire chip with a .1 diamond (observable with a magnifying glass) which in no way reflected the amount of love, rather the state of our finances at the time.

    I didn’t get a diamond ring until my 25th anniversary. Mr. RW no doubt recalls my comment while I was picking out that ring: “after 25 years and two kids I’ve earned at least 3 of these”.

    Maybe that’s how it should work. You don’t get the big rock to represent the current love but rather for the proof of a long-lasting love.

  19. apricoco says:

    I really get what you (and everyone else) is saying about engagement rings. But, I have to say I love my ring. It was his grandmother’s diamond that she had on her hand for 40 years before she took it off her hand (as she died slowly of cancer) and gave it to him to give to me. So sometimes a diamond is more than a big hunk of rock that cost 10% of some guy’s annual income. Sometimes, the diamond is about love. Love from one generation to another. Love that transcends her sickness that has taken this wonderful woman from us. And, everyday I get to look at my ring and know that not only does he love me, but she did too. So I will enjoy my “rock” with pride!

    btw… I think I could go the rest of my life and never ever want to view even the blacked out version of Ms. Lohan’s snatch. but, thanks anyway!

  20. diane says:

    Oh, but I LOVE toying with the pushy phone sales people. Last time someone tried to pull that on me at Radioshack, it went something like this:
    Salesdude: Can I ask you a quick question about your cellular plan?
    Me: I’vehaditfor2yearsandIloveitandtheserviceisgreat
    Salesdude: Uh…
    (composes self)
    So, what would it take to get you to switch plans?
    Me: Perhaps if you included a free hovercraft with my plan.
    Salesdude: Okay, have a nice day then.

  21. Kapha says:

    Too much fame/money too young + Thinking one is invincible and partying forever + No real guidance from people who’ve “been there, done that” = That last set of photos…

    You can always see it in people’s eyes, when you really look. 🙂

    Michael always looks kinda freaky.

    Janet does look hot, but in a “tear-you-to-shreds-like-a-pitbull” kinda way.

  22. Dave2 says:

    I found the breakdown online for the 7 MILLION DOLLAR video…

    Computer-generated spaceship: $65,000
    Breaking guitars: $53,000
    Morphing artworks: $50,000
    Michael’s makeup: $3,000
    Janet’s makeup: $8,000 a day
    Choreography: $40,000
    Giant video screen: $80,000
    Lighting: $175,000
    Cost per day: $636,000 (about 11 days)
    Total cost of 11 sets: $5,000,000

  23. serap says:

    I think the sad thing about engagement rings is that most men seem to think its something they are supposed to buy, and don’t bother to really question why they are spending so much of their money on an object that gives you no pleasure whatsoever. My boyfriend recently admitted that he was saving for an engagement ring for me, and I was so touched, but told him that I’d much rather go on a fantastic holiday. And obviously pay towards the holiday! I guess he was just going along with the ritual, without really thinking about it. Bless him!

  24. EDDIE says:

    Diamonds are girl’s best friend.
    Now they are selling three stones. Past,present and future. haha…

    Every time I look at Jackson family pictures, I think that I should get plastic surgery. (Just kidding!)
    They are so weird.

  25. Avitable says:

    Maybe I should make a calendar and call it “Crack-ho Lindsay”.

  26. kapgar says:

    $8,000 a day for makeup?!?! I’m in the wrong business.

  27. Kyle I says:

    Let’s look at this from a business perspective. How much of that $8000 goes to, well, makeup (what else would you need to buy) and how much of that goes in to someones pockets. I mean how much can makeup really cost? I’d like to see those numbers….

  28. Dave2 says:

    Hey, I just remain amazed that Janet’s makeup costs more than Michael’s makeup!

  29. no3ik says:

    7 million @@
    nothing was special about it!
    omg! well only that janet looked manlier than micheal ;p
    poor lindsay! i really feel sorry for her.

    ps.loved the way u censored the pics.

  30. nancycle says:

    I despise shopping and the mall…I do have a soft spot for MEC though…Since your an A Merry Can, that would be your REI.

    About LL … I couldn’t imagine having shots of my shmee out there for all to see! However, to cleanse your palate, oh brave one, I did see some rather fetching pics of your lady EH on TV last night…She looked GREAT!

  31. lizriz says:

    Hey Dave,

    Glad you liked the engagement ring post. 🙂

    Laurence, 2 people get married for reasons beyond love. Commitment for one thing. I certainly respect those who feel like they don’t need marriage, but for me it is an important and meaningful commitment that most certainly includes love but transcends it as well.

    For example, if I am married and we go through a rough patch where maybe we feel like we don’t like each other very much, marriage says there is a commitment there for the long haul.

    And I think it is my deep belief in marriage that leads to my concern about starting it out with an engagement ring.

  32. kapgar says:

    It makes you wonder if that $8,000 is a shell account for some of Michael’s plastic surgery. Hmmm… inquiring minds want to know.

    Actually, no, I don’t.

  33. Eve says:

    I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I loved that friggin’ video and I bet if I wasn’t so lazy, I’d go get it from the iTunes store, too. Something about it I really dig. What I like most about it was that it’s a brother and sister who are NOT an outfit (like say The Carpenters) who joined to do the song together, and they dance and stuff. I really like that. But $40,000 for choreography? How much exactly was the part where they do the robot? How much for the finger?

  34. ewww, you’re right. if you compare her arms in the top and bottom pics, you can really see how gross she looks now. everyone looks better with meat on their bones – when will women realize that?

  35. Göran says:

    Maybe it´s something about that name, Lindsey? I knew a guy in New York many moons ago whos name was Lindsey [not sure of spelling] and he was not altogether either.

    It seems that being famous truly sucks nowadays, even worse if you´re famous for being famous and not for anything you contributed with in the first place.

  36. Kathleen says:

    I tell the boys to get me a massive, flat television for my “engagement ring.”

  37. delite says:

    ha ha ha heh

    You said coochie…now that’s amusing! 😀

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