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Steamer

Posted on Monday, July 10th, 2006

Dave!It's time once again for DAVE'S STEAMING PILE OF CRAP TRAVEL AWARD!

This is kind of unprecedented, because I usually wait until a trip is completely over before I go passing out an award. But I have two such amazing candidates that I can't help myself. If things get worse than this, I may just have to start beating people with a hammer.

DAVE'S STEAMING PILE OF CRAP TRAVEL AWARD... GRAND PRIZE: DOLLAR RENT-A-CAR!

Steaming Pile Dollar

So you have to wake up at 3:00am to make your 6:00am flight. The hotel is working on the water system, so there's no hot water. How much worse could it get? Well, you could get to Chicago and find out that Dollar doesn't have a rental car for you...

DOLLAR AGENT: I'm sorry, all we have is an SUV or a van available.
   
DAVE: But I have a reservation for a compact car. I don't want to drive an SUV or a van into the city!
   
DOLLAR AGENT: We do not guarantee that any car type will be available... all we guarantee is that a car will be available. The rate will be the same.
   
DAVE: But a van is not a car... it's a van! An SUV is not a car... it's an SUV! I have a reservation FOR A CAR!! When will A CAR be available.
   
DOLLAR AGENT: We are on a car-in, car-out basis here. I have no idea when a compact or mid-size will be available.
   
DAVE: Then what's the point of a reservation? Dollar Rent-A-Car is stupid.

I mean, seriously. WTF?!? Bad enough that they don't have a car... but they can't even tell me when I can expect to get one?? Well F#@% that! And F#@% Dollar Rent-A-Car. I will never, EVER rent from your ridiculous company again. Burn in hell you incompetent dumbasses. You just caused me to waste an hour trying to find a new car, AND I had to pay extra money because of the last-minute rental. DIE! DIE! DIE!!!!

DAVE'S STEAMING PILE OF CRAP TRAVEL AWARD... RUNNER-UP: HILTON HIGH-SPEED INTERNET!

Steaming Pile Hilton

Hilton says "take me to a place where high-speed internet is reliable and easy to use." This is kind of stupid, because if I were to take their advice, I would go anywhere... ANYWHERE except the Hilton Towers in New York. This is the worst internet I have ever used. First of all, you have to use some piece-of-crap "wireless bridge" in order to get signal. Unfortunately, they're all busted to shit. My first one had a frayed cable. My second one wouldn't turn on. My third one couldn't get a signal. My fourth one had a busted antennae... but I held on to it out of fear of what I might get had I tried for number five.

And even when you get a connection... it sucks ass. I had to reboot both the wireless bridge AND my laptop a half-dozen times a day because the internet would simply stop working for no good reason. It's bad enough to have to pay for internet... but to have to pay $9.95 a day for TOTALLY SHITTY INTERNET? WTF?? The Hilton New York is actually a pretty good hotel. I've been staying here for 15 years because the location is primo. But without high-speed internet in good working order, the Hilton New York is crap. F#@% hotels who charge for shitty internet access.

Case in point: I am right now in the middle of nowhere in Wisconsin. I am staying at a tiny no-frills budget hotel that costs 1/5 the money that my room in New York did. I have FREE wireless internet that is fast and doesn't require a bridge of any kind. How is it that this little nothing of a hotel is superior for internet IN EVERY WAY... and is absolutely FREE?

Anybody have a better recommendation for hotels in Mid-Town Manhattan that have decent internet service?


Categories: Travel 2006Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. ChicagoDave says:

    I’ve been staying at the Grand Hyatt lately because it’s so close to work so I haven’t stayed at my recommendation in about two years, but the Avalon was always nice – small, good service, clean, etc.

  2. Andy says:

    Normally most people would love an upgrade to an suv instead of a tiny poky car they stiff you with that you can’t even get your knees under the steering wheel.
    What would be even better if they reimbursed you for the extra gas an suv would guzzle.

  3. Arwen says:

    Marriott Marquis in Times Square took great care of me when I stayed last December. I had similar issues with internet at the Hilton millenium when I stayed there but they comped me the service after I complained repeatedly so I can’t really complain. Alamo sux ass above and beyond Dollar every time.

  4. James says:

    I stayed at the Embassy Suites a few years ago; to call it nice is an understatement, but I don’t know about its internet.

  5. ChillyWilly says:

    I tell you, your travling stories are eye-opening… and they have some similarities to experiences I’ve had.

    As for rental cars, I’ve (almost) always use Hertz. The times I didn’t, I got screwed.

  6. Göran says:

    The Hiltons need to overcharge you in any way they can because the budget for their live billboard Paris is getting out of hand. Over and over again.

  7. EDDIE says:

    God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change,
    The courage to change the things I can,
    And the wisdom to know the difference.

  8. Laurence says:

    Oh mon Dieu ! Waking up at 3:00am with cold water… Brrrrrrr !!!
    You were rudely woken up, mon ami !!! I certainly would not appreciate that. In other hand, I do not think someone would appreciate…

  9. Dave says:

    Eddie,
    I think the 3rd line was officially changed to

    And a blog to bitch about both.

  10. Jenny says:

    Ugh! I really hate renting cars – I always have problems (although I’ve never been stuck with a mini-van… gak!).

    And if your WI travels bring you anywhere near Milwaukee, there’s a comic artist exhibit at the art museum that is supposed to be phenomenal. Wait – did you already see that? I’m having deja vu.

  11. Avitable says:

    That’s quite unfortunate. All rental car companies suck. I was trying to rent a Lincoln Navigator that I had reserved at Hertz (and they guaranteed the type of car because it’s a Prestige level) and they couldn’t find it! Finally I look out the window and say “Is that my Navigator?” And there it was. Right outside the damn door!

    The Hilton I stayed in during my trip to Charlotte had the easiest internet ever – just turn on your laptop, type in the code and voila! So maybe it’s not a globabl Hilton issue.

  12. Charlie says:

    I was just in Tokyo in May, ground zero to all electronic technology and NO Internet access in my room. This was a huge hotel at Tokyo station. The only way to check e-mail was to drag your notebook to a small corner cafe in the lobby and 1000 yen gets you an itinerate crap signal that required that i held my hand over my head and face Mecca.. Tokyo wtf??

  13. Charred says:

    My brother manages a Residence Inn (by Marriott), so I tend to stay with Marriott when I go anywhere.

  14. Peggy Archer says:

    Avoid any hotel on the Vegas Strip – they ALL charge at least 10 bucks a day for internet access, and it’s impossible to pick up a stray signal.

    Sorry to hear about the rampant asshatery, Dave.

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