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Twisted

Posted on Monday, June 5th, 2006

Dave!I just got back from dinner at Fogo de Chão.

For anybody who has never eaten there, it's kind of a vegetarian's nightmare where fanciful chefs in goucho pants wander around the restaurant with butcher knives and skewers of meat... continuously feeding you a variety of dead animals until you explode. Ordinarily I would have skipped an invitation to such a place, but they have a very good salad bar and so I was happy to go. I admit that the never-ending parade of meat to the table is a bit distracting, but eventually I am able to just ignore it...

Davefogo

Well, they don't really go wandering around with a pig's head... but you get the idea.

Anyway...

It was an interesting end to an otherwise sucky day. Lets go back in time eight hours...

Today should have been fairly uneventful because I spent most of it in my hotel room working. But the weather outside was so beautiful that I couldn't resist rewarding myself with a walk up to Johnny Rockets for lunch.

That was a mistake.

After I had eaten, I spotted a guy giving out free Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I snagged a delicious Chocolate-Chip Cookie Dough cone and happily started walking back to my hotel. I was half-way home when a car coming from the opposite direction turned in front of me as I was making my way through the crosswalk. Apparently they ended up turning wider than they intended, because they nearly ran me down in the street... I actually had to jump out of the way to avoid getting creamed. I never saw a turn signal, and they turned so late that there was really no way for me to anticipate what was going to happen (never mind the fact that I had a "walk" signal).

And while I did avoid death or serious injury... I made a terrible landing. Probably because I was trying not to drop my ice cream. Much to my horror, I twisted my leg and came crashing down on the pavement.

I was too shocked to be angry, but the woman crossing behind me was furious. "DID YOU GET THE LICENSE OF THAT BITCH?!?" she screamed as she leaned over me. "Uh, no... the car was going too fast" I replied, and then stupidly added "it was a silver car".

As I was getting up with my ice cream cone (miraculously spared), a small crowd wandered up as the woman had to tell everybody what had happened... "A BITCH IN A SILVER CAR JUST RAN HIM DOWN!! JUST RAN HIM DOWN IN THE STREET!!" she announced (as if it would have been less tragic had it taken place in a parking lot?).

So now my leg and back are all jacked-up. Fortunately, I have my meds with me.

And just when I think things can't get any worse, I arrive back at my hotel just in time to learn our beloved president is announcing his support for a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.

It's so nice that the office of the president is continuing to represent ALL the people of this country*.

   

*Assuming that you are a healthy, white, wealthy, Christian, heterosexual from Texas.

   

I've already said my peace on the subject, but continue to be amazed at how many people have to suffer in the name of a political agenda. There's no way such an amendment could ever pass, so why sully the office of the president with a statement of such horrific bigotry? Why stir up even more hatred in a country so divided? Why be so intentionally hurtful to his fellow American citizens? Why do this when it's so mind-bogglingly un-presidential? Why?

Probably because his popularity is at an all-time low and he needs to rally support from his conservative fan base for the upcoming mid-term elections.

Which is a pretty crappy thing to do, and begs the question...

When President Bush took his oath of office to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States of America... did he ever bother to f#@%ing read it? I've never cared for Bush, but was always respectful of his office. Now I've been worn down to the point where I just have no respect left to give. It's very sad.

So now I am hurting both in body and in spirit. I just want to take a few more pills, go to sleep, and make the world go away. Maybe everything will be better when I wake up in the morning.

I can dream, can't I?


Categories: Food 2006, Travel 2006Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. claire says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your… well, being run over basically. I really hope you feel better tomorrow.

    As for Bush… I agree with all you said. I feel so depressingly resigned at this point.

  2. Michelle says:

    Yikes, that is a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

    I still can’t understand why that man has any supporters. And the way this country is leaning is downright scary.

  3. Erin says:

    I can’t resist – do you feel run down? Honestly though, having been hit by 3 different cars in my life, it’s a terrible feeling. All of mine were in parking lots, though, so maybe that’s nothing compared to being hit in the street. I hope you feel better.

    I’ve given up on hoping for anything positive to come out of this presidency. Crappy bigoted rhetoric seems to be all they’re able to put forth. It’s depressing.

  4. margalit says:

    I think that instead of creating theme parks and monuments, you need to create a new, blue Dave country where gay marriage isn’t even an issue it’s so normal (sort of like my home state of MA) and where we just don’t allow conservative self-righteous “Christians” to live. They can visit on 24 hour visas, but that’s IT. Please Dave…

    And oh, Chicago has the world’s worst drivers. Coming from someone who lives in Boston, that’s saying something. I’ve never seen ruder, more arrogant drivers in my life than when we were last in Chicago. Scared the crap outta me.

  5. alice says:

    i’m glad you are okay. you are such a hero tho’ for saving that ice cream. =P

    bush shouldn’t get involved on people’s personal affairs. homosexual, heterosexual, experimental – as long as there is love and respect involved – it’s all good.

  6. Maggy says:

    “Assuming that you are a healthy, white, wealthy, Christian, heterosexual from Texas.”

    hey hey! Not everyone from Texas is a cray cray republican! I basically fit that stereotype to the T! Well, except the wealthy part and the Christian part….ok I suppose I don’t fit that stereotype to the T.

    Ignorance is not a bliss thing for Mr. Bush. I can’t believe he would something so rights-constricting just for a boost in approval ratings. 2008 is sure a slow coming.

    Sorry about your fall. Twisted ankles sure make you realize how much you take for granted walking, though.

  7. MRKisThatKid says:

    Have civil partnerships never been mulled in the states? What we have here now is that gay couples, after a silly ceremony and I suppose a knees up are given the same rights but without the religious connotations of a marriage. I’m sure that would be a little easier for bush to swallow.

  8. Nicola says:

    My god, I know Ben & Jerry’s is the best ice cream on the planet, but I’m sure we’d all agree that you’re way more precious than a free icecream!!

    Hope you’re not too sore.

    x

  9. RW says:

    People in silver cars are usually Republicans…

  10. Susan says:

    A kindred spirit…a guy who would take a hit to save a B&J chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream cone.

    The only thing scarier than Bush is that there are still people in this country who support him.

  11. Tracy Lynn says:

    Dude, I’m sorry you got hit by a car, for all practical purposes. Rest up.

  12. verninino says:

    For a good piece of dream-escapist cinema/literature, you should see or read Ursula LeGuin’s LATHE OF HEAVEN.

    There are two made for TV-ish versions to choose from.

  13. jenny says:

    OMG – I can’t believe you actually went to Fogo de Chao! That pig’s head illustration isn’t too far from reality (although they do have an AMAZING salad bar – you’re right).

    Sorry about your leg and back – hope the meds kick in!

  14. Avitable says:

    I’m more frightened by the fact that there is currently no good Democratic contender for the next election. Can Bill come back? Please?

  15. Eve says:

    Nice Davetoon today, I know how you feel. It’s like, “More carcass anyone?”

    Sorry about your being mowed down. Hope you recover quickly.

    Oh, and Happy National Day of Slayer. :-)

  16. Silvertongue says:

    Eesh, sorry to hear about your near-brush with death, but happy to hear the ice cream cone was mercifully saved.

    To cheer you up, check out MSN’s home page today – under the “entertainment” section, as of 9am this morning E.S.T., the top item was a link to an Elizabeth Hurley photo gallery. I believe this is a sign that someone at MSN is a Blogography fan and knows you needed a pick-me-up.

    And don’t even get me started on my hatred for the “president” (quotes added because he’s not MY president) and his idea of right and wrong. If I think too hard about it, that little vein in my temple starts to throb, and that’s no way to start an otherwise lovely Tuesday.

    Feel better!

  17. Metro says:

    Thanks, once again, Dave for saying what I was thinking. Bush is simply stupid, and I live in a constant state of shame that, as a country, we elected him.

  18. Kevin says:

    Oh hell, man! Sorry to hear about what happened to you. I hope you heal up quickly. Please don’t hold this against all Chicagoans. Not all of us want to gun you down with our cars. I swear.

  19. adena says:

    Egads!!

    I hope you feel better today! I’m glad you didn’t REALLY get mowed down by the bitch in the silver car….IN THE STREET!!

    What would the world be like w/o more DaveToons??

  20. kilax says:

    Yuck. What a sh*t day. I am happy you are ok, and got to eat somewhere nice, even if they were walking around with butcher knives!

  21. ChillyWilly says:

    “I never saw a turn signal, and they turned so late that there was really no way for me to anticipate what was going to happen (never mind the fact that I had a “walk” signal).”

    This wasn’t in Utah, correct? ;-)

    Seriously, hope your aches don’t stay too long.

    As for this amendment B.S. that Bush is promoting, it’s all agenda related.. and not really his, but for those who can help boost his dismal ratings.

    Protect marriage? If they were really interested in protecting marriage, they would add more committed couples to the tallys.

    Fear and control. That pretty much sums up what these types of actions are all about.

    And Eve already said it, but happy National Day of Slayer. I’ve got “Reign In Blood” on today.

  22. F2B says:

    I happened onto your blog from another link recently. Thank goodness you were paying attention. I probably would’ve been hit while stuffing the cone in my mouth. Love Chubby Hubby by B&Js.

    On the same sex marriage remarks, I am in such a relationship and have been for over 7 years. I hate that our lives are being dictated by politics. It’s like someone talking about you when you’re standing right there. So insulting. The last presidential election year, many many states voted against same sex marriage in one way or another and it really devastated me.

    I would love to marry my spouse, but it ain’t happenin. At least right now it isn’t, especially in Ohio.

  23. Juli says:

    You are indeed a good man. The ice cream came first. You have your priorities in check, what a relief.

  24. CookieBandit says:

    Hope your leg and back are doing better. Thankfully you saved the ice cream cone! (I’m kidding, of course).

    Just wanted to bring up one thing, though. It’s not only a certain group of people that agree with the President on (for example) this issue… I know people who aren’t white/wealthy/etc, but would agree with him. And there are those who are white/wealthy/Texan/etc who don’t…

  25. Steve says:

    Sorry to hear about your suck-ass day, Dave. I’m not exactly Oliver Stone when it comes to conspiracies, but this near-miss-and-run has me wondering. RW has already hinted at one possibility. What I want to know is whether you got enough of a look at the driver to see any hint of white face paint or, even more telling, a bulbous red nose?

  26. Chanakin says:

    It has little chance of passing, so:

    It’s a distraction for the new fences going up.

    It’s to get the religious right back on board the Republican bus.

    It makes up for the Hispanic voters he just alienated.

    It’s all sick, really. This they call the “greatest system in the world” to go along with the all the other “greatest [blank] in the world” they like to say we have.

  27. Deb_LA says:

    OMG! I’m glad you have some pain meds(ya wanna share?). You poor thing.

    Really, I am exhusted talking about how horrible Bush is. I really wish I could hit him with a silver car…

  28. delmer says:

    I wish I could say Bush is a disappointment — however, this is exactly the kind of crap I expect from him.

    Preserve the sanctity of marriage? Please! He needs to get off his ass and try to take care of something that matters.

    On the other hand. He must be doing something right. The last I saw his approval rating was 35% — a whopping 10% higher than that of our (Ohio’s) governor.

  29. I agree – hope your sucky day gets better and if you can’t get ahold of morphine, try codine!

    As for the amendment – what bothers me so much is not Bush but the vast amount of organizations that have come out public support (like Exodus International representatives in the Rose Garden telling everyone that gays don’t have to be gay if they don’t want to…they can take reparative therapy and commit suicide after years of self loathing instead). You may be happy to note that Traditional Values Coalition has already denounced and is starting a letter writing campaign against the amendment because….it might allow individual states to allow same sex civil unions. One has to wonder if they are getting coaching lessons from white supremists groups on “learning to compromise” –

  30. Mocha says:

    Oh, Dave. Did you rub ice cream on your boo-boo? That always works for me.

    And yes, bitches in silver cars are, like, TOTALLY becoming cliche. What’s up with that?

    Fogo de Chao is my all time favorite place to eat because you can take your time, it’s amazingly fabulous food, and I like the little red/green cards. It’s like a game. And eating should be fun.

    But not while getting run over. Get better!

  31. Belinda says:

    Thinking of you, and also doped to the max. Too bad we can’t get together and eat ice cream and giggle inappropriately. Or maybe that’s just MY response to Demerol.

    Feeling your political pain, too. Actually, I’d keep my physical pain if I could work a trade-off to alleviate my “world pain.”

    But the point–did you drop your ice cream?

  32. SJ says:

    Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that Bush-supporters do not blog. Every single blogger I read regularly is sick with disgust toward Dubya and his political vomit.

    OK, maybe that’s because I wouldn’t regularly read a Bush-supporter. I detest the man. But I also fear who/what may come next …

  33. Rabbit says:

    The worst part about being run down while trying to save your ice cream cone (you know, besides the pain and suffering) is that when you look around for something to throw at the woman’s car, all you’ve got is that ice cream cone you’ve worked so hard to preserve.

  34. mikey says:

    You already know how I feel about Pres. 43. Btw did Kev. mention I would like you to make a cartoon me putting a cap(shooting) in my computer’s ass for crashing.

  35. Eve says:

    I have returned.

    I do understand that you were runned down IN THE STREET and all, but seriously, today is a very important day and you presently appear to be absent from it. It is the day that people everywhere listen to Slayer . . . LOUDLY, thereby sharing in the joy of Slayer’s most excellent music with their fellow man. There is no happier day in existence.

    You see, SLAYER. RULES.

    So say we all.

    If you do not understand that SLAYER. RULES. someone will be appointed to explain to you why SLAYER. RULES. If you are lacking in sufficient amounts of Slayer music, someone will be appointed to send you an ample amount of Slayer songs.

    Do you understand these given truths as I’ve described them to you?

    HORNS UP, my friend.

    ~The Empress

    m/m/

  36. Chanakin says:

    Oddly enough Dave, a local talk radio station said today that 1 out of 11 people [in Michigan] would fail their driver’s exam right now if they had to re-take it (I think that number’s far too conservative).

    After reviewing test results, it was discovered that 1 out of every 5 did not know pedestrians had the right of way. Now THAT I believe.

  37. ms. sizzle says:

    i need some of them there pills. please send them to me fed ex, stat. i feel your pain (ok, not literally).

    feel better dave!

  38. I’m wondering if any of the conservatives out there see the irony in the fact that they want a constitutional NATIONWIDE amendment banning gay marriage, yet they keep saying that Roe V Wade should be ovetturned and sent to the states as a state issue because it’s wrong to make such a strong law for the whole country?

    Just wondering.

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