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Anonymous Letter #003

Posted on Friday, February 17th, 2006

Dave!My car went out of warranty back in July so, naturally, now is the time that everything starts to go wrong with it. I swear that those bastard car manufacturers plan it like this, because isn't that the way it always goes? Unfortunately, the nearest Saturn dealership is three hours away, so I get to have a bit of a road trip this morning. I am not looking forward to it.

It's not the drive to Seattle that bothers me, it's the fact that I have to share the road with dumbasses on the way over. Like this complete tool that I had to follow to the liquor store yesterday...


No offense to any Ford Pinto owners out there, but seriously... if you are going to be driving $40,000 automobile, at least act like you know what you are doing. Otherwise, you're just embarrassing yourself, and needlessly irritating everybody else on the road.

And away I go...

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  1. nic says:

    Do you really think he may have been … *ahem* … spanking that monkey?

    No excuse.

  2. Rob says:

    Thus the reason i think headlight missiles should be allowed.

  3. MRKisThatKid says:

    Hell is a Ford Pinto? Or a Saturn for that matter. It’s always fascinated me how American’s have an entire galaxy of cars that don’t exist in Europe.

  4. Juli says:

    hmm… a Ford Pinto aka MobileBomb was my first car. I drove it like it was a $40K Audi. That monkey-spankin’ Audi owner deserves a note.

  5. Randy says:

    Couldn’t you have just strapped your Saturn to the back of your BMW motorcycle and just blown this guy off the road as you left him in a cloud of dust?…

    No Saturn dealers in your neck of the mountains? That sucks–what about other dealers?

    Hey, my Washington trip is take good form…Sea, Vic, and then the loop (or at least part of it).

  6. jube jubes says:

    Trust me, i’m from MA, and you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet! come to Bean town, and I’ll give ya shitty driving. Show me a Bostonian over-sixteen, and i’ll show you a menace to society .
    *not kidding totally serious*

  7. Kat says:

    gees, I think you may be right. my “bright screen” effect stopped working on my laptop about Jan. 26 I think? I just went and checked when I bought it…Jan. 30, 05.

    (holding fists to the sky) curse you manufacturer!

    it’s like when you turn it on for the first time, all this crap starts ticking down…..

  8. Kevin says:

    You should print Dave Bitch Pads. I’d buy a few.

  9. Jennifer says:

    You’ve never experienced road rage until you’ve shared the highway or byway in any state with a car bearing Ohio license plates. No offense to Ohioans. They’re lovely people, I’m sure. They just can’t drive, is all.

  10. jube jubes says:

    it’s 12:40 on saturday, and there isn’t a new post for the day. I feel so lost. and alone. and scared. and confused.
    oh no, where am i? what’s my purpose in life? WHAT’S MY NAME???????
    dear sweet lord…

  11. ChillyWilly says:

    Audi’s are only $40,000? I thought they were more than that.

    Regardless, he needed to pull the car over, get out and hand the keys to someone that knew how to drive.

    At least that’s the phrase I yell out in my vehicle when I’m behind a dumbass driver.

  12. amanda says:

    In reference to your “spanking the monkey” ticket, and “Bad Monkey,” I wanted to give ya the following. Who knows, maybe it could inspire a new blogography character.

  13. PS says:

    You are scaring me now. You’re a straight, 38-year-old, saturn-driving, vegetarian, graphic designer, who lives in Washington state? Give me my life back, dammit.

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