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Posted on Monday, January 9th, 2006

Dave!I love getting mail.

Which is one of those paradoxical things in life for me, because I loathe going to the post office to actually pick it up.

Fortunately, I have a billing service that collects my monthly bills and allows me to pay them online, or else I'd be in never-ending peril from bill collectors wanting to break my legs. But everything else... magazines, exciting offers from select retailers, free samples, cards, letters, and all the rest... it just collects in a bin until I get off my lazy ass and do something with it.

Faced with a huge pile of mail, I finally decided to go through everything on Sunday.

Turns out I got a lot of nice cards from Blogography readers for the holidays, so I first want to thank everybody for that. And, while I'm at it, thanks for the well-wishing emails, e-cards and stuff everybody sent as well. I appreciate it all, and cannot help but be touched that so many people spent their valuable time thinking of me.

Which, of course, makes me feel like a total bastard for not reciprocating... but that's my problem, not yours.

But hey, I make a special Blogography delivery every day just for YOU (yes, you!) so it's not like I don't care or anything...

Dave Mailman

Speaking of mail... let's catch up with a few emails I've gotten lately, shall we?

Council: Probably my favorite email in the past several weeks was from a woman who was absolutely outraged after having read my entry on Seattle's new insanely stupid strip club laws. She found it reprehensible that I could possibly be so crass as to tell elected public officials to kiss my ass... IN A PUBLIC BLOG THAT ANYBODY... INCLUDING (gasp) CHILDREN... CAN READ! The word "disrespectful" kept popping up again and again, and she wondered how I felt about inflicting such horrible, uncivil values on my readers. My response, of course, was that she could kiss my ass too.

Pivot: Speaking of ass-kissing... another email came from somebody wanting to collect "Pivot Questionnaires" published on the web. After Googling, they found mine, and wanted to know if they could add it. For anybody not familiar with The Bernard Pivot Questionnaire, it's the final questions that James Lipton asks when he interviews guests on his show Inside the Actors Studio. The show is fantastic (if you can get over what a total kiss-ass Lipton is... he just doesn't kiss ass... he FRENCH kisses ass!), and so I was happy to contribute. The Bravo website has a cool "Personality Profile Game" where you can see which actor you most closely relate to personality-wise (for me, it's Benicio Del Toro).

Suggested: One email was a bit surprising in that it was just a big list of suggestions of things that the guy wanted me to write about here. Oddly enough, I had already written about most of them, which now has me worried that there's nothing left to talk about, and I should just close down my blog.

Prayer: After telling Pat Roberston to "shut up and die" I got a rather nice email from somebody telling me that this wasn't a very "Christian" thing to say, even if I disagree with the guy. My reply didn't bother telling him that I'm not a Christian in the first place... but I did write back and ask if he had written to Pat and told HIM that it wasn't a very "Christian" thing to ask God to make people dead (which Robertson has done on more than one occasion). This, apparently, was not the response the guy was looking for, and I got a nice long lecture on everything from school prayer to internet porn (sadly, no links were provided).

Privacy: Last, but certainly not least, was an email I received last month which asked a series of highly-personal questions which I would be hard-pressed to talk about to even close friends... let alone a complete stranger. The sad thing was that this person had put a lot of thought into what they were asking, and I felt bad having to tell them that I wasn't comfortable discussing those areas of my life. Over the past couple of weeks, the whole situation has been really bothering me, and I cannot figure out why. Surely it's not wrong to want to keep some areas of my life private... is it? Why would anybody want to know such things in the first place? Does EVERYBODY wonder about this stuff? Hmmm... every once in a while I get the sense of just how weird it is to have a blog.

BLOGDATE: October 20, 2004
In which Dave ponders the eternal mystery of Kiwi (and Photoshops a cool picture of it).
Click here to go back in time...

Categories: Blogging 2006, DaveToons 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Troy says:

    The only mystery I needed answered about Dave Simmer was what the heck he did for a living. You answered it a while back. Now I can rest and enjoy the rest of the Dave Simmer ride 🙂

  2. Brandon says:

    You get some great emails. I have received maybe ten emails total about my blog in the two years that I have been blogging. It’s kind of depressing really. I want religious zealots emailing me!

  3. James says:

    well…what DOES Dave Simmer do for a living? Those of us who haven’t bothered emailing you would probably like to know.

  4. Dave2 says:

    Wow. I have no idea what Dave does!

    Let’s check his FAQ shall we?

    Oh, here it is… he’s a graphic designer. How boring! I was expecting something cool like “secret agent” or “pro wrestler” or something. 🙂

  5. Dave2 says:

    I get quite a few emails regarding my blog, and I don’t know why.

    I guess that many people are just not comfortable leaving public comments, and feel better addressing me personally? Or maybe they read my FAQ, where I say I like to receive emails, and decide to take me up on it? I dunno.

    And, despite appearances here, most of the emails I get are fairly nice and relatively normal… just quick notes to say they like my blog, or maybe a question or two.

  6. James says:

    Well, in my mind, graphic designer was rather vague. Sure, its a job title, but what does it consist of? What would you be doing on a typical work day? Besides, of course, making your wonderful Blogography articles.

  7. Dave2 says:

    I might as well come clean… claiming to be a “graphic designer” is just another way of saying that I sit around looking at porn all day.

    If only.

    In reality, most all of the work I do for my clients is not something I can talk about. In general terms, I work on everything from corporate identity planning and marketing strategy to actual physical work like web design, presentation materials, graphic layout, packaging design, catalogs, magazines, signage, or whatever somebody is willing to pay me to do.

    Uhhh… within limits. 🙂

  8. Patrick says:

    Certainly interesting readership you’ve got. The most facinating thing isn’t actually that they take time to send emails, but the fact that they really hunt down posts that offend them, in ways not comprehensible to us regular joes, instead of making good use of their spare time.

  9. Sayuri says:

    I am hoping my emails are never so freaky they end up on one of your lists! 🙂

  10. Dave2 says:

    Actually, I don’t think that people hunt them down… they just end up here as a result of a Google search, see something that offends them, and decide to email about it.

    Not yet Sayuri! 🙂

  11. Kevin says:

    Now for the real question everyone wants answered…

    Have you ever done marketing strategy for the porn industry? Can we see some samples?


  12. Dave2 says:

    Not porn, per se.

    But I have done photo retouching for some more… shall we say “adult”… publications.

    It’s strange, but when working on the stuff, you quickly become detached from what it is you are actually working on. If you didn’t, you’d never be able to get the work done!

  13. Naomi says:

    I have yet to get a zealot preaching to me about my societal offenses… and I’ve been trying so hard. You are a lucky man, Dave.

    I’ve been anxiously awaiting my first rant, but it’s been 5 months now and all I get are compliments.

    By the way, I apparently am most like Stockard Channing… there are worse things I could do than to kiss a boy… or two. Hrmph. Good thing being retarded doesn’t hurt…

  14. girlonaglide says:

    I’m swooning hugely. Dave, gone postal. *sigh*

  15. sandra says:

    The porn thing is a travesty and the sender is clearly not in communications — otherwise, there would have been links (Dave grateful = Dave paying close attention to content of angry message).

    As for the Council woman, her children are clearly going to be missing their anatomical education. Which would not be the case if there were more strip clubs into which they could sneak when they grew up a bit.

  16. John says:

    I hope that “Personality Profile Game” is just a gag to make people worry when they’re told they’re like Kevin Costner. Then again, maybe he’s a lot edgier than he seems.

  17. pia says:

    I have my morals questioned on a regular basis. Have been told that my life has no higher purpose.

    That wasn’t the person I told to kiss my Jewish tush. Since I began answering to amuse myself, nobody bothers me anymore.

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